Soo this guy my sister was talking to for a few months now, I met him about 4 days ago…and he never left the household sense. He’s been sleeping over for 4 days.
Now the character my sister described isn’t really the character I’m seeing. I don’t hate the guy, I also don’t like him. His stories are questionable and though he is a smart guy, he comes off as a bit of a know it all, and not the cool kind of know it all like teachers trying to help. The kind that acts like there’s little left to learn.
My sister tells me he’s a busy man volenteering all his spare time to help others, But I am forced to question the goodness of his heart. Feels like he doesn’t everything cause his ego tells him to, if he even does it at all.
We can lots in common and plenty to talk about but I can’t shake the feeling somethings not right, he doesn’t treat my sister with respect and constantly makes rude jokes.
When my sister told me he was incredibly spiritual cause a indian chief on the west coast took him in for 9 months, I was expecting a more easy going wise man. Instead a muscle man jacked up with tattoos is here filling out the shit head military sterotype pretty well.
My problem is I don’t know what kind of mindset to approach this with. I feel guilty for carrying negative feelings about someone, but I feel he’s here to do harm. I’m not normally judgmental but am I allowed to judge this guy for the time being? Should I reset my mind and be neutral to all his stories no matter how far fetched? Maybe I’m offended on a deep level cause I’m like him in many ways?
Since I like it here I’m interested in your thoughts
Sounds like the good old “nobody’s good enough for my sister” syndrome.
Or maybe the dude really is a shithead. How do you expect anyone of us to know when you don’t even know? We haven’t met the guy, you have.
It’s your decision, it should be based on your experience, not on the theories of some pseudo-psychoanalyst on the internet.
it sounds like he is a moocher and a bit of an ass hole kirlwilly. it sounds like you need to listen to your inner self on this one, but is it up to you to act at all. > or is it yours sisters decision to stay friends with this guy. im sure when the time is right he will leave your house, if not you hhave to influence the situation by asking him to go, if you live there too, then it is up to you who stays there as well as your sis.
I’ve tried on this topic with very little insight. I asked similar questions on my threads, “Interjecting on others lives” and “the right to influence”
Where is the line? Is there even a line to begin with? We are constantly trying to perfect ourselves while keeping consideration to others, but this clashes at one point or another. Has no one else been here? I am a very well grounded individual that can see beauty in almost anything..but why am I so stuck on this? Am I missing something here?
It’s your situation, “Do I have a right to voice my opinion in this matter, even further, do I have a right to even feel the way I do?” That is my struggle. Everything me I can grasp, everything where social interaction comes into play the rules go off. It’s why I trip easier, and better alone. I just don’t comprehend.
-sorry to hijack your post into Alex Fuller help, but I feel we share a similar issue-
alex and willy . YES you both have every right to feel the way you do and to express it to others around you. and if you go with your gut feelings everytime you will probably be right. and if you express yourself clearly with respect towards the other persons feelings then it should be taken in the right way, to the furtherment of the situation.
i mean often times the case is that you see something in your way, and another has a different perception of the same thing. that is where conflicts come up . then EGO battles begin. with one person getting defensive etc. and the other one attacking. all that shit. try to stay clear of that.
just feel it
express it and
you do have the right to see and express your perceptions in your own way.
so dont get hung up on this point guys.
It’s not the no ones good enough for my sister syndrome for sure, My sister has dated many acquaintances of mine. They were cool they didn’t work out for whatever reason, both parted with no harsh feelings. And I get that, But this guy feels like he’s an imposter, a creature in a shell if you will.
And Alex I feel you, I like to feel like I understand and I can control myself to be 100% neutral or positive. Then when a negative feeling comes along I just question how it got in my head. I guess I still have a few more years to go before I’m fully in control. It’s almost a guilty feeling when I hear a story, and all I can think is “LIES, THATS HIGHLY UNLIKELY” but I do think it’s a small subconscious war in my head, with me comparing my story to theirs. Thinking that if it’s out of the realm of possibilty for me, it must be out of his realm to.
Just sucks not having that controling feeling lol, The main selling point for me is he’ll tell some stories (the boring ones) with good strong speech. Then when he goes on about something intense, he’ll studder and seems to search for words on the spot, and by the time he’s done I find myself just nodding my head carrying no interest, sounded cooler when my sister told me hahaha
@kirk Maybe he’s nervous around you.
I don’t know what you and your sister’s relationship is like… if you’re not close enough to tell her your impressions of the guy, you might not be close enough to object to who she’s dating. Like stonedragon said, express it and drop it (stonedragon, you are so wise! <3)
Alex, I feel the same way sometimes (actually, fairly often). I think it just takes work, and finding a friend who is forgiving. What is so difficult to grasp about social interaction is often, the interaction is not as deep as I am perceiving it to be… maybe that is a problem for you too.
Noo I can’t picture this fully grown man being nervous around me, a hemp wearing dreamcather earrings bandana man, He looks at me and assumes better, feel it in dem bones of mine.
Me and my sister are incredibly close, but it’s the kind were I’ll sacrifice my comfort if he makes her happy. If it ends like I predict I’ll know how to comfort her, but if it doesn’t end I’ll give him an appology in a few months and speak from my heart. I’ve never been one to drop it! My styles been let it slide!
Well there you go. It is annoying to have to be around someone you don’t like all the time. My condolences…
You should ask him about his experiences with the indian chief… that sounds kinda cool. Maybe you’d find your common ground, too.
I did ask him, I was so interested in his native experiences, but I lost interest shortly after he started talking hahaha! All I seen were flaws, he’s been in the military for the past 10 years, and yet within that time he managed to live on a reserve for 9 months while being in the military, I question how he did that, but I don’t even want to embarass him if he’s lying, I’ll let him have his glory. Somethings wrong with me, I’m a kind asshole
oh kirk willy. i know what you are going thru. i have had so many imposters in my life mooching around my house for months on end, that eventually they even get fed up with thier own bullshit and leave. i guess your sis will see thru his tales at some point and the thing will collapse. sounds like your intuition is probly correct regarding this guy and his tall tales.
i guess you just have to wait it out till your sis sees thru it .
perhaps the best tactic is silence and patience and love. but dont be a sucker for his nonsence and if you arent, then your sister will follow you with out you having to say a word. and the guy will realize you guys are not going for his story and move on.
soon it will change. count on impermance!
If your sis is anything like me, she will have to find out for herself what she think of this guy. I met a friend once and more than one of my friends told me they caught a weird vibe from him, but I didn’t see it so I saw no reason to discontinue our interactions… Took me about 6 months to a year but I finally found out firsthand that their intuition was correct.
Have you tried talking to your sister about your discomforts? You said yal are close so maybe you should try telling her he makes you uncomfortable and that you get a bad vibe from him. Since your sister doesn’t see it til it’s right in front of her, try spelling it out for her in a gentle way and try to make her see what you see. Even if she doesn’t see it, at least you will have planted a seed of doubt that will let her figure it out for herself. Just make sure you let her know you care about her and don’t want her hurt.