Letting Go of Negative People

3 years, 6 months ago

I’m increasing questioning whether it is healthy for me to stay with my girlfriend of 6 months. When we began dating, we seemed amazing together but as time went on, she has become depressed and seems to complain alot. This morning she said she was down and that she wanted to sleep through the day rather than do her university work. I am a proactive person. I’m president of the chartity group at my university and excel in my course. Recently I have felt that my girlfriend is a burden. Online articles vary in advice from sticking with her to letting her go. I still care for her but am unsure if I love her. I just feel as though it would be healthy for me not to have this negative energy in my life, though I fear the consequences of a break up on her whilst she’s in this negative state. Any advice from you wonderfully wise community?

November 7, 2011 at 2:45 pm

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie M (@tangledupinplaid21) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

How long has she been like this and is there a specific occurrence that put her in this slump? In other words, can you reasonably expect her to pull out of this or does it seem like it might be the status quo for a while? When it comes to someone being down the best you can do is stay up and give advice. It starts to irk me when I throw out every piece of advice I can muster and they turn down each suggestion. It’s those moments that I realize that it is not just an event in the person’s life, but the PERSON. I have distanced myself from more than one friend for this reason. Only you can know these details. I’m sure somewhere in your gut is the correct answer.

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Profile photo of Josh Stanley Josh Stanley (@acronym22) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

Thanks Ellie! Unfortunately its been like this for around a month or so and I dont see it getting better any time soon. Her mother suffers from serious depression and she’s had a rough up-bringing, but having given every amount of advice I can fathom for her, she just doesnt seem to want to feel better. And furthermore, she doesnt support my ambitions to travel and become an humanitarian worker. As much as we loved each other for a while, I dont see us working and there is a seed of doubt in my mind, telling me that not having this negative energy in my life would be benificial for the one person I rarely look out for. Me. Thank you for you advice!

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie M (@tangledupinplaid21) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

With those extra details I would definitely say it’s time to break up. And you can’t hold yourself responsible for a reaction she may or may not have to that.

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

Put your foot down. Tell her she has two options, she can either stop that shit, or you break up with her. Give her that last chance. If she fucks up, you’re gone.

And like Ellie says, you’re not responsible for other people’s reactions.

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie M (@tangledupinplaid21) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

WhoreBall, I’m going to copy paste what I wrote in another thread about this this morning cause it definitely applies here:

Being around people like this really starts to make you feel hateful and crazy. A lot of times you won’t even attribute it to them until you move out/stop hanging around them. As someone who is sensitive to other’s moods/”energy”, I choose not to be around these people, even if they are family members. Just because you’re related to someone doesn’t mean you have to like them. And though you can tune it out(and if that’s your only option I suggest it), it’s more effort than just limiting your interaction time with them.

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie M (@tangledupinplaid21) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

If it were someone that lived with me I would just make it a point to stay in my room and keep to myself, or make a point to do things outside of the house. It really depends how persistent/aggressive the person is. Obviously if the person is just mildly annoying you’d deal with it differently than someone who follows you around and insults you.

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Profile photo of jake arends jake arends (@jakexx) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

I don’t know if you should let her go. I’d say that you should stay. But only you can know what the right choice is because you are the one that is making it. like Ellie said, the answer is somewhere deep inside you, you have to look for it in there and not anywhere else.

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Profile photo of Josh Stanley Josh Stanley (@acronym22) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

Cheers guys. I think this has been helpful. This evening she is not talking to me because she is annoyed at me for “not understanding” that she’s annoyed but that she doesnt know what she’s annoyed at. I mean…there’s always someone worse off than ourselves right? I think someone needs to get a bit of perspective.

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Profile photo of Jake Adams Jake Adams (@jake112296) 2 years, 9 months ago ago

I’ve distanced myself from people like that, but it’s always different with a girlfriend I’ve never been with a depressed girl before but letting go is always hard but from the way you wrote it seems you already know the answer don’t be afraid

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