Life.

2 years, 3 months ago

Why is it that this one person has such an effect on my life? I would drop everything for him at one moment. Maybe it is the fact that I lost my chance with him because he wasn’t around for me, but I should have waited. It was not his fault, he was out of the country. I just don’t understand the grasp he has on me. Why? I am happy, and I have been happy. I think about him often and yet I feel like I missed something. He texted me today. I felt as if I needed to drop every thing around me and look up the song he told me to look up. I fell in live with his taste in music; his adequate sound for the perfect mix of music to make me feel overwhelmed by emotion. I have never tried again with him because I feel as if I’m not worthy of being around him since I was the one that abandoned whatever we had going. I hurt him. I am not sure if I ponder on the strong feelings I had for him or what I thought I had. Helppp.

December 4, 2012 at 2:53 pm

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@itsemilybabe, Tell him how you feel. You owe it to yourself. What reason do you have not to?

“Love is a risk we can’t risk not taking.”
-Steven Deeds

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Profile photo of itsemilybabe itsemilybabe (@itsemilybabe) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@optimystic, It seems like the logical think to do. And I have resorted to that. I told him the main basic feelings of how I was sorry. I just don’t know if it is “love”. I think I wonder what it could of been. You know? I just am not sure how to address this feeling I get when he texts me out of the blue.
Love the quote :)!

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Profile photo of O Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@itsemilybabe, i do not understand the symbolism behind dancing while cooking.

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Profile photo of itsemilybabe itsemilybabe (@itsemilybabe) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@seeker, I’m not dancing?

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@itsemilybabe, Does it matter what you call it? You can have feelings for someone without being in love with them.

I’ve been in an eerily similar situation to your own. I failed to make a definitive move on a girl I had gravitated towards for almost an entire year…the type of chick that all guys lusted after…but dared not make a move for. She was so beautiful. And that mind of hers was also a thing of beauty. We started talking, at first only through social media (lame, I know), but then we started seeing each other at school, and then started eating lunch together, together in the library. We would color together as we shared a pair of earbuds. It was so odd, but lovely at the same time. We were being ourselves, and we were clicking. The feelings were surely there, but something was missing. Yes, something was not right, for I never made a move on her. I think that hurt her.

Only days afterwards, I began seeing her with some other guy, someone unfit for her (in my eyes). The kid is a loser. He doesn’t even allow her to talk to other guys. As you can presume then, I haven’t talked to her in years, and you fucking bet it pains me. But what has happened has happened, and there’s little I can do about it now. I’ve learned from the whole experience, and that’s what matters I guess.

If she were to text me out of the blue, I would, like you, get the urge to drop everything and attempt to return to the feelings I once held towards her. The only thing is, it’d be different now…and with everything that has happened, I don’t know if I could accept her back, so-to-speak. Her time has expired. My past says so.

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Profile photo of itsemilybabe itsemilybabe (@itsemilybabe) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@optimystic, That’s deep. Can I just say thank you for telling me that? Well if I may tell you that I have a boyfriend now, of four months. I’m the happiest I have been in my whole life, and I love him. But this guy texting me just today made me feel indescribable. I tend to think of telling him, hey let’s hang out sometime. But then again, I wouldn’t want to loose the great thing I have now if my feelings for the texting guy were to start again. I just really messed with me today. The weird thing is with this guy, he never keeps the conversation going. And it makes me feel like even more of a fuck up for leaving when I did. We (used to) just talk for like three hours! Then he’d just abruptly stop. It kills me. And I shouldn’t allow it to affect me, and it’s just high school. But I just cannnnnot seem to forget him no matter how hard I try, and that is what bothers me. He is just my one that “got away”.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@itsemilybabe, No need to thank me, but you’re welcome.

It appears to me that you still have feelings for this individual. Everything you have told me leads to that conclusion.

Do you feel the same way towards your current boyfriend as you do with this friend from the past?

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Profile photo of itsemilybabe itsemilybabe (@itsemilybabe) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

My friend from the past and I just talked, the entire summer over Facebook because he was in Canada. We never got to the point of dating. My boyfriend now treats me better than anyone I have ever been with. But if the other friend gave me an actual chance, I’d be perplexed in what to do in my situation. :(

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Profile photo of itsemilybabe itsemilybabe (@itsemilybabe) 2 years, 3 months ago ago
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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@itsemilybabe, Ah, I see. Your predicament is determined by circumstances, at least partially. It’s probably best not to dwell in the hypothetical situations. Appreciate what you have now, as I am sure you are doing.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

So your with someone, but the grass is greener on the other side?

My advice
You need to look at the situation you’re in right now, really look at it. Don’t focus on whats already been focused on. Focus on everything – which one of these guys is going to improve you, as a person. Which one is going to care for you, and I mean really care for you – not just when he’s lonely or when his penis is raging, but during the small times.

Are either of these guys argumentative ever? Argumentation is usually a sign a relationship is going down down down, and its hard as fuck to bring a relationship back up. It takes two strong people, and usually if it’s gone down, at least one of those people is missing.

If you’re truly the “happiest” you’ve ever been, then this other guy wouldn’t be making you feel happier, would he?

But also whats at play is the grass is always greener on the other side. Are you romanticizing what it would be like to be with this new guy? Did you feel the same about you’re current dude, or is this brand new? It seems to be brand new.

My guess:
You’ll be moderately happy with the guy you’re with now. You’ll have small little pokes that you should have taken the chance with someone else, or you got bored quickly, but it isn’t enough to leave him.

or

You go chase after this new guy with 2 outcomes – you get to travel the world, living your dreams and you too laugh as the sunsets and drink margaritas on a desolate beach (totally possible, if you go for it) or you end up with this guy, and the exact same shit goes down, or this time its your ex “FUCK I shoulda stayed with him”.

Put yourself in all these situations, see which one seems the most realistic, along with the best outcome.

Or – as Jordan had once posted. Flip a coin. heads for new guy tails for current guy. When the coin is in the air – you’ll know what you’re truly hoping for.

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Profile photo of itsemilybabe itsemilybabe (@itsemilybabe) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@ijesuschrist, No we don’t argue much, if we do it’s stupid little things that we get over within the hour. And I am not sure this guy could make me feel like my current boyfriend does now. I think you’re right, I am romanticizing it, which always happens with me. Even though imagining these outcomes occurring would be a great thought, you’re correct again, it IS imaginary. When I read your ‘flip a coin’ idea, I hoped for it’d to be my current boyfriend now. Thank you for helping me with some sort of understanding with my feelings here ~

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Profile photo of O Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@itsemilybabe, you are trying to put reality in a box, asking why do you love is like asking why a person is dancing or humming a tune while joyously cooking. :P Even the greatest poets didn`t succeed in putting the overwhelming energy that is this eternal moment in a conceptual box, but the beauty of poetry, as Alan Watts said, lies in its melodiousness.

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