Love life crisis

2 years, 1 month ago

First off let me apologize as this post may be fairly lengthy.

Where to start.. where to start…. -_-

Okay, so right now I am currently dating a girl named Tiffany. I’ve been struggling to stay with this girl for a while now. There are certain things that just don’t set well with me. Such as there have been multiple times in this relationship where she would say one thing and not hold to her words. That bugs me wayyy bad.

This wouldn’t be so bad except one of the first we talked about was having the relationship open. She agreed to it, and knowing that it was something we agreed upon I didn’t really push to get it. Fast forward a couple years, I started trying to get what was promised to me. I’ve been trying over a year and it seems that she is opening up very, VERY, slowly. I’ve already pushed myself as far sexually as I can go. I need to switch it up because it’s started feeling like a chore… I just don’t want to do it anymore…

With that aside, and the other issues of where she didn’t keep her word aside, she loves to watch TV. I don’t mind it in small amounts but it seems that it’s all we do anymore. I can’t pull her away from it to do anything else! It’s killing me because I love to talk with people, love to be active, love to do anything besides turn off my brain and watch shit. There isn’t much that can beat a good night of bullshitting with friends.

I would just play games while she watches TV but she’s watching my TV… She has hers in our room for us to fall asleep to (another issue I had to ‘get over’ because I hated trying to sleep with the TV on…) On top of that there are times where we watch a tv show that’s on my computer which displays on my TV (so I can’t even be on that if I wanted to).

She lost the job she had working full time. Since then she has been working a part time job and hasn’t been able to cover her side of the bills. This leaves me paying the mortgage bill myself and having us split the rest of the bills. This leaves me with 0$. :(

Though, I’ll be honest; her biggest issue is that she’s bitchy. A lot. We all have issues with us, I understand my biggest issue is that I’m a whore. Okay… not a whore but I am very sexual person.

Now the biggest dilemma, when on any sort of psychoactive or other forms of drugs, I’m able to get past some of the walls she has up and see her for who she really is. Who she really is has kept me here this whole time, through all the bullshit. When on something like this I love to be around her and just talk, or bs. When in these states I get a feeling that comes over me to just stay. Just stick it out because when she “comes around” my life may be epic.

Should I listen to myself in these states? Am I just dreaming in these states?
I’m tired of waiting for happiness… I want to walk away… but I’m fearful I won’t find someone with as beautiful as a soul again in my lifetime.

I’m so confused and all the confusion just gets worse as time goes by. I just needed to get this out and see what other people think of my situation.

Thank you for getting through all of that. I tried to shorten it as much as possible while still effectively showing my situation.

TravisAD

December 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm

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Profile photo of Caroline Caroline (@cpugh9) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

It honestly kind of creeps me out you posted that.. I just got out of an extremely similar relationship —only I was on the other side. I personally believe it all really boils down to this shit people call “chemistry” and it doesn’t sound to me like you two have it. Sure “sometimes” it’s good, but someone out there will make you happy ALWAYS.

i also learned that staying in a relationship because you’re afraid you can’t find someone better, is a dick move.. It destroys your happiness and wastes your time.

This is how I saw it…
My exboyfriend was a “very sexual person” and I’m a girl who just wants to hang out and have a good time. I very rarely watch tv and most of the time I’m completely carefree and happy. Needless to say, i was easily smothered by his desire to always be touching me.. Towards the end of our relationship, I’m not good to lie, I became a total bitch and resorted to just hanging out and watching tv with him so I could have an excuse for telling him to get the fuck off of me. You want more of a physical relationship and she wants more of an emotional one… Looking back now, I honestly could not tell you why I stayed so long… Probably because when we had our good times, they were the happiest I had ever been and also that lingering fear of being alone.

From my experience, you should end it. It sucks, like REALLY sucks but it gets better, and quite honestly, it’s completely liberating…

Take some time to clear your mind, and find out what’s truly important to you, no one can make this decision for you.

good luck!

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Profile photo of ButternutSquash ButternutSquash (@equanimity) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

If you’re basing your happiness as an individual on any external relationship, you’re going to be miserable a great deal of the time.

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Profile photo of TravisAD TravisAD (@travisad) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

The thing is that I am usually happy on my own. One of the main reasons I want out of this relationship is to make myself happy. I want to do the things I want to do, I don’t want to have to check in with someone else and live the life they are wanting to live.

Then again looking at everything I’ve said there is that I want I want… love is to remove the self.

So you guys don’t think I would wrong in walking away from this relationship?

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Profile photo of Caroline Caroline (@cpugh9) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

I think you just said it yourself.. Make yourself happy!

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Profile photo of TravisAD TravisAD (@travisad) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

Thanks for your thoughts on the subject guys.

If anyone else has anything to add please do. I’d like to know what more people think about this situation ^_^

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Profile photo of Abbey Lee Abbey Lee (@abbeylolee) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@travisAD It sounds like she’s waiting for you to do the dirty work. You won’t just be freeing yourself you’ll be freeing her as well, and she might even thank you one day.

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Profile photo of TravisAD TravisAD (@travisad) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@abbeylolee, Ironic you say that. I’m currently working my ass off to release an invention. During this time I’ve been working a full time job, working on fixing up my house, and working on the invention. I feel like she thinks we’re going to hit it big and she will be on easy street the rest of her life…

The issue is that even if it took off and made over $1M I would want to be more reserved with it and not spend on frivolous things. She’s already told me she wants a Ferrari, wants fancy clothes and stuff like that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to make the girl I’m with happy but damn… I don’t think she would be happy with a nice house and a nice car. I feel she would spend all the money earned… -_-

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Profile photo of DaDuke DaDuke (@dukevonschmot) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

Go with your instinct. If she is worth it then you will have a chance to be with her again. If she is not, well then you just solved your problem.

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Profile photo of TravisAD TravisAD (@travisad) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

So pretty much, so far, it’s a unanimous “leave her” then?

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Profile photo of Caroline Caroline (@cpugh9) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

Sorry to call you out, but you aren’t making her sound like someone anyone would want to date…

I think @dukevonschmot, pretty much nailed it. If its meant to be, it will be.

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Profile photo of TravisAD TravisAD (@travisad) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@cpugh9, You’re right. I’m not really making it sound like there is a whole lot that’s good about her. As you can tell I’m a little hurt from her actions. Especially since bringing them up doesn’t seem to make things change.

She is a fun person. When you can actually manage to pull her away from the TV it’s a blast. She tends to get tired kind of fast though, but it’s cause we don’t do much. She supports me in the different things I do, like going after getting this invention released. She may not keep her word much but she is someone that would love me.

She does small stuff for me like taking care of me when I’m sick. I can tell she is trying to make me happy. Not to mention her family is awesome. I like them better than I like my own..

It seems like I have much more complaints then I do compliments.. :/

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Profile photo of Abbey Lee Abbey Lee (@abbeylolee) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@travisad, interesting! Well then dang, I have to agree with @cpugh9 ugh she sounds no bueno lo siento.

Any other things you absolutely love about her that keeps you around?

How difficult would it be to have a completely honest sober conversation with her about how you’re feeling?

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Profile photo of TravisAD TravisAD (@travisad) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@abbeylolee, I guess the only other thing I could say is she does try to give when she has the means to. Sometimes too much (even goes outside of her means). It’s a nice gesture for sure.

Other than that there really isn’t anything. This could be one reason why I feel so much dissonance from her now.

One of my biggest issues is that I see the good in people. No matter how small… Whenever I can see the good in someone I refuse to give up. I refuse to walk away.

As for having a conversation with her we have gotten to a point where we don’t really talk besides normal “how did your day go” “oh great, yours?” “yeah, great”

I don’t even know where I would start in speaking with her. I’ve always had issues when it comes to speaking from my heart. It’s so bad at times that when I go to speak and say what’s wrong I lose the ability to think. Words stop formulating and all I can see/think is black.. Don’t get me wrong though, I can do anything I set my mind to.

I think my main issue is starting the conversation. I can always find excuses to put off talking to her and it seems when I do that, whatever the issue is doesn’t get talked about.

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Profile photo of Abbey Lee Abbey Lee (@abbeylolee) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@travisad, hmmm well I have faith in ya. You seem like you know what YOU need. It’s hard to put your own needs above others when you have that kind of mentality, I totally get it.

Trust your gut. It’s funny how the brain can trick you into thinking you need something else. The body really knows everything. Notice how your body feels when you’re around her, like any resistance, etc. Try not to let your over-active mind make these tough decisions without checking with you your body first. At least that’s what I’ve learned over the years!

Good luck, I know you’re gonna be just fine :)

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Profile photo of TravisAD TravisAD (@travisad) 2 years, 1 month ago ago

@abbeylolee, Thank you :)

I think I may just see about getting some more “me” time and really just piece together what I feel. I may see about trying to see a psychologist to see if they can help me understand what I’m feeling and why I feel that way. I think that would be the best way for me to decide how to proceed.

Thanks to everyone that gave their input. You’ve all given me loads to think about ^_^

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