Love, now I just don't know…

2 years, 4 months ago

Why do people stay with the person they date when it causes them emotional stress?

In my opinion, I guess it’s because they feel a sense of comfort from what they felt in their past experience occuring with their current partners.

My question is, do you stay with them and suffer because there isn’t anyone else available? Or do you leave them and suffer on your own.

I use to be good at outlooking situations and rationalize, which one’s right, and which one’s wrong.

Is it hope? Or nostalgia

December 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm

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Profile photo of Alex Alex (@staylucky) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@lesterdeguzman, Didn’t you already start this thread yesterday?

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Profile photo of LesterJohn LesterJohn (@lesterdeguzman) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@staylucky, yeah, i wanted to edit it but couldn’t. So i deleted and reposted it

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Profile photo of Nikki F. Nikki F. (@nikkif) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

I’ve learned that as long as you know in your heart that you really, truly love the person you’re with, you’re able to look past the problems and stress. You can solve petty issues that really don’t matter (in comparison to love) and be able to just want the other person to be happy. The only real love is selfless, and once you achieve that I believe you could make any relationship work.

But I mean, if your relationship is putting you in a serious funk, you gotta leave, figure out your own shit, and learn to love your self.

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Profile photo of Harjot Harjot (@godslight) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@lesterdeguzman, I have recently (literally a few weeks ago) gone through an experience where I was selflessly in love with a woman and had to break things up with her..I even moved to another continent to be with her so it was a very deep connection in my eyes..(and the first relationship after many years of being single.)

Anyways, we went on months longer than we should have..because, I believe, the attachment was keeping me there. That can manifest in many forms..nostalgia is definitely one of them. The feeling of comfort..knowing..familiar space. And ultimately, physically having someone there, making you feel like they are “yours.” They are things which kept me with her. I guess ultimately, it is selfish because it’s all grounded in how you feel..this is ego.

In hindsight, I would have suffered and stayed single. Sometimes, the emotional distress is too much (depending on where it is rooted/what is causing it) because, even with selfless love as a support mechanism, some individuals have yet to learn to love themselves..and unfortunately, it is not always time for them to come to that place, no matter how hard you try and show them. So the relationship becomes a vicious cycle of pain and suffering..and this is not good for anyone. I say, learn to let go..and if this person is right, your paths will cross again.

I could be wrong..but fuck it. I will have to live with my choices :)

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Profile photo of Samantha Samantha (@sammie) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@lesterdeguzman, The reason people stay in relationships that are causing them stress is because leaving that relationship would be “stepping out of their comfort zone.” Most people despise the uncertainty of that…no matter how miserable they are in the their current state (bc it’s ‘comfortable’). Staying in shit relationships can be a good learning experience…so long as you learn something in the end and don’t continue the same shit cycle with the next person.

@nikkif, “The only real love is selfless, and once you achieve that I believe you could make any relationship work.” <—Exactly!!! Problem is most people don't understand what it means to be selfless. Most people automatically slap strict obligations & expectations on the people they "love."

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Profile photo of Dreamer Dreamer (@heartbeat) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@lesterdeguzman WHen i look at myself, i guess it is because i want to hope for the better, not because i think it is what i experienced before as if it would be something in my comfort zone or nostalgia, i just draw those situations to me somehow. I have to say i grew up within emotional stress a lot, so maybe it’s also kinda “normal” for me to be emotionally stressed with situations, so I find myself accepting it more than other people would.

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Profile photo of LesterJohn LesterJohn (@lesterdeguzman) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@godslight, very similar and relatable. Thanks a lot! Made me look at my situation at a different light :-)

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Profile photo of Harjot Harjot (@godslight) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

@lesterdeguzman, No worries bro, anytime

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