Make it clear that you want to be “More then friends”?

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Anonymous (@)    2 years, 8 months ago

HE I have a question for you (:

As someone who has always been too nice, "Just friends", and has been told "I don’t want to risk our friendship" by many a girl only to have them go out with another friend… Just how do you do it?

I have searched for advice on this before and still watch the girls I like go out with that other guy as people tell me "You should have made your move. You so had a chance".

I do not want to seem desperate (I am cool being independent) but I would like to actually go out with someone I am interested and be more adventurous in life (:

(18, have hit first base once, had a bizarre online relationship)

0 votes, posted 07.10.2011 at 11:01 pm
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Avatar of Troll
Troll (@alien51)2 years, 9 months ago ago

Be honest. (Ask them out.)
Be confident.
Don’t wait.

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Avatar of Bobby
Bobby (@bobbylloydxd)2 years, 9 months ago ago

No more online relationships.
Ask the girl you like to watch a movie with you. part way through turn her chin towards your face and go in for the kiss. You are the male which means that most of the time you will either be the aggressor or just a friend.

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Avatar of
Anonymous (@)2 years, 9 months ago ago

@Alien51 helpful yet simple to follow. Thank you! I will keep those tips in mind.

@Bobby Heh definitely no more online. I learnt a lot from that (a lot what not to do). I may make your movie suggestion my goal for the Summer. Its daring, I always over think things, but maybe I just need to go for it.

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Avatar of Ramo
Ramo (@ramo)2 years, 9 months ago ago

There really is no other way than just doing it. You are alive now, you have nothing to lose (truly) and you cannot possibly make a mistake. It’s okay to feel vulnerable. You are going to hurt and get hurt, inevitably, so there really is no reason not to take a leap of faith.
You
are
awesome!
Now just do whatever you really want to do, you deserve nothing less.

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Avatar of ButternutSquash
ButternutSquash (@equanimity)2 years, 9 months ago ago

This advice may be controversial, but the rule of thumb I try to go by is ALWAYS assume attraction until shown otherwise.

I also totally agree with Bobby. More often than not people can be stuck in that “does he/she like me or not” phase and it completely throws them into their head instead of being in the moment. Assuming the given female is already attracted to you allows you be more present.

Obviously the use of common sense is required with this advice.

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Avatar of General Tits Von Chodehoffen

Be aggressive! (but not in a creepy way)

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Avatar of Fabinutts
Fabinutts (@fabian)2 years, 8 months ago ago

Its always good to be the one who wants to make the first moves, and keep in mind that when she says she just wants to be friends, shes really not sure of what she wants so you gotta let her know that you want her. You cant play the waiting game and have mixed feelings for her all the time cause if you stay friends forever and yet you still like her…your gonna end up like Tom in 500 Days of Summer! you dont wanna be in that sort of mess!

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Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)2 years, 8 months ago ago

Mein got! There are no techniques that work, there are no other ways that being honest and showing what you want. Say what you mean, mean what you say. If you want to make it clear that you want to be more than friends, start by saying it, it’s not harder than that.

I don’t think you’re really communicating with them. You can’t communicate with girls if your thoughts are blocking, you need to express yourself, your emotions. And you need to be a man to really attract a (straight) woman. You can’t be more than friends if you aren’t attracting the girls.

Peace and good luck

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Avatar of
Anonymous (@)2 years, 8 months ago ago

The problem is that you take a stand as friend from beginning of a “relationship” with girl. That sets you in a position where you can never go out with that girl.

You have to give a signal that you want something more from her than friendship.

Even better, talk to you best girl friend, tell her your situation and collect the knowledge.

Girls don’t want a male friend, they want a boyfriend. For a friendship they have their girlfriends, but for a sex (and stuff) they want a man! A man who will defend them. It’s part of human nature.

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Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)2 years, 8 months ago ago

@Davor

You can change from friends to lovers. The “friend zone” isn’t permanent, you can go out with a girl that’s been just a friend. You’re complicating things that are simple.

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Avatar of
Anonymous (@)2 years, 8 months ago ago

Yeah, you can become lovers but that usually ends bad. Ends like that you rarely ever hear that girl again.
If he is the guy that doesn’t care what happens, the he should go for is. Ask her out.
Don’t think, don’t analyze. Just do it!

But otherwise it’s a bad move.
I know from experience. Did that a couple of times…

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Avatar of ELI var namnet
ELI var namnet (@manimal)2 years, 8 months ago ago

@Davor

It ends bad because people expect it to, when you expect something to happen you make it happen. Even if it ends “bad” that doesn’t mean you don’t hear from her again. Most of my female friends are girls that I’ve had relationships or casual sex with in the past but are now just my friends, and there’s nothing awkward about it.

People hold so much prejudice against relationships and sex, it’s ridiculous. Sex and love are some of the simplest things that exist, if it’s complicated it’s not love.

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Avatar of
Anonymous (@)2 years, 8 months ago ago

Well, I agree. Complications make problems where there shouldn’t be any.

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Avatar of Kirsten
Kirsten (@kirsten)2 years, 8 months ago ago

Whatever you do, don’t underestimate yourself and try not to wait. Waiting is what sends out that confusing signal that you only want to be friends. And unfortunately it’s sometimes tough to tell if she has feelings for you as well if you wait. We’re tricky, and I apologize for us as a whole haha. But even though I’m a girl I’ve spent a long time underestimating myself and comparing myself to other girls so I know how it might feel. Also, when you wait too long, you never know- she may like you but you also may be making HER think you don’t like her, and she may possibly go for another guy because she feels unwanted. Then it’s too late. :/

I read through all these responses yesterday but have forgotten a lot of what everyone’s already covered, so I hope this helps haha. Just a girls view. But I’m also just ONE girl so of course I don’t think like some other girls do.

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