Really. I’d been chronically over-stressed and chronically depressed for some years. Then I smoked marijuana for the first time, one year ago. Now, I smoke marijuana frequently. Now, I am also the happiest and healthiest I’ve been in over 8 years. These facts are all related.
– I’d been ill with stress because I always cared far *too* much about far too many things.
– I’d been depressed because of this stress, added to by lack of imagination, and lack of creative thinking to improve my situation…
– Add to that very importantly, loss of presence and consciousness.
– Marijuana makes me care less, quite generally (but I still assuredly care *enough* about my life and I do a respectable full-time job well and sober).
– Marijuana allows me to think more imaginatively, creatively and playfully about the whoooole range of choices I have in life.
– Marijuana really allows me to focus on the present moment, and opening up my emotions and brain to what I am REALLY thinking and feeling NOW, overriding my usual suppression circuits whose overloading has poisoned me badly over time, like overflowing sewers.
It is clear that marijuana is one of the reasons why I have felt so much better – and my PHYSICAL health has started improving also – for over two months now. It’s a catalyst perhaps – I was making the good journey already, but I;m moving more quickly now. I know that once I’m really through this bout of mental ill health, I’ll have grown so much stronger I know I’ll be stable and happy for the rest of my life (…without necessarily usng marijuana any longer)
I hope this might inspire other readers? OR, if anyone wants to challenge me, go ahead, I’ll try to reply to your post and we can debate :)
[…And yes, I was really high when I wrote this message, like an  for those in the know, from my third bowl of this long night.]
I think this would be the equivalent of saying
“Opiates cured my pain”
But its awesome. My girlfriend is in the same boat and marijuana is like night and day when she feels down… its amazing stuff. Doesn’t work for everyone (I get so stressed out on marijuana it’s ridiculous) but more power to you.
Does it really? Can you live without the marihuana right now feeling fucking awesome as well? Or can you only when under the influence?
I mean, I really do hope that it works for you as you describe it, but 999999 out of 1000000 cases it is just a temporary distraction and get-away from the root problem.
As long as you are not addicted to it (which I doubt reading your story), then I am very happy for you. But as with every other drug it is an addictive substance and it DOES NOT solve your problems, it is only a temporary distraction, runaway from the things you do not dare to confront when sober.
Of course it is easier to deal with your problem by running away to drugs, rather than man up and facing your problems sober, actually trying to fix them from the root.
Hope you are this on in a million exception though!
@filipek, fuck off man, what the fuck do you know.
Whats the root problem? the root problem was is he claims to have a MENTAL illness due to the fact that he over analyzed everything in his life and it was making him miserable. then he took medicine for it. Sober… high… why does it make the matter any less “authentic” because he learned to cope with his problem using the aid of something?? god forbid you ever use a shovel again the next time you need to dig a hole. “When you smoke de herb, it reveals you to yourself.” Great quote by an influential man who changed the lives of many by making them happy, and like that man our home boy britboy here has started to realize some good things about himself he never knew about. i mean really, he seams happy now so good for him. I hope your not one out of the 999999 who gets addicted to aspirin the next time you have a headache. you should man up and quit being so straight edge because you either got into hard drugs at a young age, or you have never tried drugs.
@britboy0781, good for you man. i think its really cool stuff to hear of somebody who can change their attitude on life and themselves around, especially when they were getting so close to falling through the bottom of the infamous hole of despair..
Glad to hear you are feeling so much better. I have often likened depression to a person being trapped under a Rock. The Rock symbolizes depression or that cloud of sorrow/pain/problems that hangs over you. I feel that many people benefit through various forms of medication in order to get out from under that rock.
Now with drugs (of any kind prescription or in your case Marijuana) the Rock (or problems) does not go away, the difference is now you are able to use Marijuana to get on top of the rock and take a look at your depression and say, “What the Fuck is up with all of my shit?”.
Use this time to build your coping skills, your positive thinking, work through past issues, let shit go.
Marijuana allows you a new perspective, but I know you know that it is at least a bit of a crutch for you right now. What you are experiencing is real, but you now are faced with another slippery slope of potential addiction– lucky that are a lot worse things to be addicted to. If you are getting life down, holding down a job, feeling better, treating yourself and others well then way too go. Just realize that Marijuana is the vehicle that got you there at some point you will need to learn to walk, run, fly on your own at least to a certain extent:)
@jshmedler, What do I know?
Well I have been in the same situation, ran away into the same easy escape of drugs (marihuana for starters). Plus a four year long study showing many real life cases of this fake way of escaping mental illnesses. So actually I do know what I am talking about, what about you?
The root problem is the mental illness and like I said, drugs can be a TEMPORARY solution or even an eye opener, I will not deny that, but using it as an escape for those problems will not solve the root problem!
“why does it make the matter any less “authentic” because he learned to cope with his problem using the aid of something??”
As long as he learned to cope with it, and will be able to cope with it without the drug, there is nothing wrong, but if he will use the drug as an escape from his problems, it clearly does not solve his problems. Not only the fact that it is an addictive substance, and every addiction is bad, because it means you are not having control over your own behavior anymore.
@filipek, ok ok, touche touche
sorry for sounding like such an asshole in the last post.
but your last paragraph hits it spot on… and god addiction is such a shitttttty thing…. but the key to that is just dont get addicted ;) its kinda a paradox on its own.
hahaha, if someone prays in my name….. doesn’t that make me like… a god or somethin?!?! ;) :) but thanks, i try to explain it to my girl friend who has been sober for 4 years after getting shipped off to a wilderness behaviorist thing, and i think its cool and i respect it, but i try to point out how drugs werent her problem and that she was just using drugs to cope with her real problems of feeling unloved and unattached to any of her family and peers. like blaming the gun for the murder type a thing. but its a real touchy subject for her, and so i try to not bring it up that much.. even though i know that a little weed could do her a little good. but what can ya do
Thanks everyone for your replies, they’re of a better quality than I’d dared hope for. I’m moved by the beautiful words of affirmation and support for the journey I’m making. But I’ve also taken in the more cautionary words.
I agree, I am playing a somewhat dangerous game, and a harmful dependency is a risk. But it’s a winnable game if you’re vigilant and skilled, I’m convinced of that.
My reasons for feeling in control:
– I really am not just getting a brain chemistry boost from marijuana (although that obviously exists, and is incredible in itself). It is truly changing the ingrained negative ways of thinking that caused my ill health in the first place, and which any professional therapy would be focused on removing.
– I am smart, spiritually inclined and already self-aware. I am able to call myself on patterns of behaviour that aren’t working and rouse the emotional reserves to make big changes quickly if necessary.
– I am a very goal-oriented person, and almost nothing would make me lose that basic orientation in the long term… although sure, my neuroticism is benefiting from a bit of trimming down and moderating by marijuana.
– I am deliberately holding on to several friendships with people who don’t smoke pot, and I genuinely still prefer to be sober while I hang out with them. This naturally gives me sober days… the other side of my varied social life in addition to the extremely happy evenings I’m hanging out with the stoners I’ve met and easily connected with (…I’m spending *less* time alone I think now than for a long time)
– I’m in my early thirties, and I’ve always been the responsible type. I’m an office professional and I own my own apartment. I’m not some reckless 17-year-old.
– While I will have to look for a new job around February/March, I am extremely presentable, I know I will cut down on weed while I’m job-hunting, and even a version of me that was slightly diminished by marijuana would still come across well to employers and recruitment consultants.
– I am continuing to work out at the gym three times a week, I go semi-regularly to a Buddhist meditation group, and I will make a genuine attempt to get into yoga starting January.
– I am almost ready now to embark on professional therapy to address my root problems. (I genuinely believe I might need *less* therapy as a result of the insights, opening up and loosening up that marijuana has given me already, but of course I still need therapy.)
This has been so useful though. Most of my conversations about marijuana use are now with stoners, so it’s valuable to get a few insights from the other side of the fence too.
[And yes, I’m stoned again as I’ve written this… hopefully this gives you some evidence that I can indeed think quite lucidly in this condition.]