Last night I had two hits of LSD and can’t help thinking about what good it provides me to pursue any time of human interaction that includes sexual intercourse. If the body only feels at the time the natural, human intercourse, what does it do to the mind and soul. If the person whom you are having sex with doesn’t grow with you on a spiritual (mind&soul) aspect, what good would it do? Does this mean I am just waiting for a partner who I can connect with on those types of levels? I also question if there is even someone out there. I guess there are many people out there who love to grow and can enjoy a loving, growing experience. But what I have now, isn’t much besides physical/body interaction. If i grow on an aspect of mind & soul while my partner focuses on the physical aspect, would it be worth it? Or would it be somewhat useless? I suppose these are MANY questions I still need to answer for myself..
My situation may be different but I’ve never really felt the need to have sex whatsoever.
But, if your partner keeps focusing on the physical side of it, you might start to feel like it’s pointless. Maybe it is a sign you need to find someone who thinks like you do.
@youseeisa, Personally I see sex and love as two different things, like john lennon said, “sex without love and love without sex”. It is what is outside the physical part of your relationship that makes it an actual relationship. If you mean you aren’t connecting with your partner on an emotional level during sex then I imagine (only speculating) you aren’t really connecting with your partner on an emotional level in general. You might also consider that your partner is self conscious during sex and their mind is just preoccupied. If you really feel for the person (above the physical) I’d suggest maybe you talk to them about it, or take steps to make them feel less self conscious. If it is just casual sex then don’t worry. The way I see it sex is more of an act of pleasure than love, though it is both the former and latter. It’s strange, I have had the most connecting passionate sex with complete strangers, and cold awkward sex with people I love. I chalk it down to general neurosis.
Was your partner also experiencing a magical mystery tour? If so this could account for a lot. Acid is a weird wonderful substance and although sex is probably the best activity while tripping it can be very strange and it is easy to get distracted by your own thoughts.
@chekovchameleon, Yep, 20 years old and a virgin. I don’t know, I guess it’s the fact that I focus on my spiritual side a lot. I don’t have the desires that most people have, I don’t care about money, sex, etc. I don’t even own a TV. I’m not totally opposed to the idea it’s more of ”eh” never really think about it.
I don’t know if it’s a bad thing but it’s me, haha.
Wow that’s really interesting. I don’t know if I’d lump sex in with money and TV. I hate money, and TV is crap generally. Sex is a spiritual experience. You never really think about it? That’s crazy, not judging, I’m just really interested. I meet a lot of girls who say they never think about sex, but I can tell just from talking to them that they do, but generally girls seem to be less open to talk about sex, not all of course. @kayla147258,
@chekovchameleon, No, I don’t think about it at all, until the subject comes up. I think it’s mainly because I also see sex as a spiritual experience, but it’s so overplayed in today’s society that it kind of annoys me. I’m not saying everyone does it for the physical part, but a lot do. And I guess it just turns me off to it. It might all depend on if I meet the right person who also sees sex like I do. It’s complicated, I don’t exactly know why I don’t think about it, I just don’t.
@kayla147258, I don’t claim to “know exactly how you feel” but I can relate on a certain level. Stumbling through questions from others has sort of meant that I shy away from ever bringing it up so excuse me if I am not able to explain it sufficiently. I absolutely never have superficial sexual urges and I am genuinely surprised when others talk about how important sex is to them and how they “need” it, etc. It never occurs to me to think about sex, although I do experience attraction when I establish a deep connection and I am not asexual. Many believe I say this because “I am a virgin and I just don’t understand what it’s like.” This is not true. I am not a virgin, and I have never enjoyed myself during sex. The one person I have actually genuinely wanted to have sex with has not shared my feelings. I have been with men and women and it was all boring. So I guess my main point is that you aren’t alone!
Unfortunately a lot of people kind of get too proud of their sexuality because they don’t have anything else to offer. :/
@kayla147258, I think you’re right. I feel like if I am to grow in any form, it’s with someone who has a mindset similar to mine. Someone who isn’t preoccupied in just the simple pleasure of sex, but will enjoy the emotional, strong, spiritual side of it with me. I can see why you would get annoyed of the topic of sex, it can be a big headache sometimes.
@chekovchameleon, No, I did not have sex on acid and I wasn’t with this person at the time. I was simply contemplating what good it does to have sex with anyone at all. If you can have passionate sex with strangers, what good does it do? Was is just casual passionate sex with strangers, mostly just physical pleasure? Or was there anything behind it? Anything important, anything worthwhile as to spreading the importance of love for the human race THROUGH this activity?
To me, again this is just my opinion, there are many other ways to show that you love someone, cuddling being a big one, if you’re a cuddler. Since I’m a virgin I don’t know how valid my opinion is, but it would seem to me that cuddling or doing something else would be more spiritual connecting with your partner than having sex.
@kayla147258, I agree. Cuddling is a good one, but it can often lead to sex. Both are good for spiritual connecting, but sex never really leaves the party for me. Sex is a very important spiritual connection that I feel can either make something good or have adverse effects. Sex can be beautiful and passionate when involved with Mind, Body and Soul, mainly if it’s with the person that is willing to connect on those levels.. BTW I really admire your alternative way of thinking.
@youseeisa, Thank you :)
And I think that’s a big problem with sex, is no one takes it so seriously anymore. Casual sex and cheating aren’t as looked down upon as they used to be. Trust can easily be broken when one person has their all in it and the other doesn’t. People change. Maybe it’s easier not to have sex, but what is life without risks? Maybe I just over think things.
@youseeisa, Just out of curiosity but have you ever questioned whether you might be more interested in women sexually?
I do not mean to demean your views as I think everything you have said is logical and truthful, it’s just that sometimes people mistake their feelings for something else.
Fucking and love making are two different things; but there’s no denying that love making is better. I have had sexual experiences with several exes that were intensely passionate and never in a million years would I compare any of it to the one night stands I have had asides for the fact that there was penetration.
When you have really strong and intimate sex there is a lot of communication without ever actually saying anything, whereas with fucking it’s more akin to almost being in a mindless frenzy.
Sex doesn’t have to be serious at all, but that being said, sex doesn’t have to be meaningless either. I seriously need to find someone I can connect with on all levels, this whole discussion just makes me see it clearly. If i am trying to connect with someone through casual sex but might be mistaken by the other person as meaningless sex or (sex as friends), the feelings aren’t mutual and therefore I may not grow. If i am not growing from the experience, what’s the use? Just pleasure? Oh that’s nice temporarily, but that’s all it will ever seem to be.
To me, sex is the ultimate expression of love and passion. The emotion that I feel is monumental and overrides any sort of bodily lust. Now that I think of it, passionately kissing naked under the blankets also produces a similar feel.
I’ve had a few one night stands and they pale in comparison to making love to my significant other. Have sex with your heart, not with your body.
@youseeisa, I definitely think these passionate experiences with strangers have made me grow as a person. It is the beauty that two unconnected people can share such great passion between them. There is a physical connection, albeit purely physical, I do not find this in anyway shallow or meaningless. We are physical as well as spiritual being, are we not? These experiences allow me to grow sexually, which I believe is as important as growing spiritually or intellectually. I see it as another way to connect with a human being, in that way it promotes love through the human race. To me to say sex with strangers is pointless, is like saying conversations with strangers are pointless. It is just experiencing a connection with a person in a particular moment in time.
I would agree that modern society puts too much emphasis on sex. I do not go out looking for sex constantly, but sometimes there is just a heat between two people that I believe should be pursued, even though you do not connect with these people on an emotional, spiritual or intellectual level. You should grow from all experiences you have. No experience should be cast aside into a pile of experiences you don’t grow from. There is something to learn in everything, even the simplest things like having breakfast in the morning.
I would find it quite difficult to attach myself to someone emotionally. I’ve only had one relationship which was toxic. Before that, I wasn’t overly bothered about the whole relationship thing and afterwards, a relationship wasn’t something I would consider with any guy unless I was sure I could connect with him. I find myself getting attached to guys through lust as opposed to love and can quite easily take a lad home for a night or two and never have to talk to him again without feeling anyway down about it.
So, I guess for me, sex and love aren’t necessarily the same thing. I’m almost what would nearly be considered a man when it comes to sex. I enjoy it and prefer one night stands and f-buddies without the attachment. At the same time though, I would imagine that, if I did find somebody I was attracted to and connected with, and did end up in a relationship, sex would mean a lot more than it does now. It would be a form of emotional attachment, as well as just pleasure, a means to be closer to somebody. Therefore, I would have to connect with someone emotionally, mentally and physically, before I would consider a relationship
Over the last year I’ve had somewhat of a shift in my libido or whatever you want to call it. As a guy, I imagine I would be fairly low on the scale of having urges. I’m not sure if this is because I have been in relationships most of my adult life and that when I got out of my last one early in 2012 I found it quite easy to have various sexual partners, but I have never really been one to masturbate perhaps more than once every two days.
Curious if any other dudes on here are the same and whether they noticed their rate of masturbation go up or down while with/without sexual partners.
I think the novelty of casual sex wore off quite quickly for me tbh. When you’re with somebody for so long at a young age you very easily adopt the notion that the grass is greener on the other side and that everyone else out there is having insane orgies. But after several months of random sex I discovered that there’s really little challenge to it, and that there’s no guarantee of there being much of a reward either.