Yesterday, I took the best mushrooms I’ve ever done in my life. It was one of the few times I had actually got to trip by myself without (many) disruptions as well. I took them, and they came on within 20 minutes tops. I decided to meditate, because it seemed like the right thing to do. I have this thing where I trip and my mind will go off into an ‘epiphany’ but as soon as I get distracted, it goes away, and becomes less intense. For example when I first started to meditate my friend came over, and constantly kept trying to talk to me, and each time he did my trip would immediately halt. I kindly asked him to leave me alone, and he did (thankfully!)
So I closed my eyes, and intense close-eyed visuals came at me. It was also the first time I saw people I knew in my visuals. I was enjoying Sad Sappy Sucker by Modest Mouse. The visuals were nice, but I immediately recognized them as a distraction, and focused more on my thought. I don’t know if this happens to everyone else, but I get the shivers when I trip, and it takes me a minute to get comfortable. When I finally get comfortable, my body warms up, and the trip starts intensifying. A problem I encountered was every time I got comfortable, and the trip started to peak more I had the intense urge to pee. I gave in a few times, and each time I had to start back at the beginning, getting myself comfortable, warm, etc. I recognized this as the lowest chakra. I needed to be able to get past the sensation, and not give in to immediate relief. When I accomplished this, my trip entered a new level.
I knew there were visuals there, but I didn’t even notice them anymore. What I felt to be true, was that I was ascending. I was curious how far one could actually ascend. My thoughts brought me to many things, and many ideas. I started to think about god, and when I did, my trip started to lower. I realized the concept of god was a distraction to my goal..just as the Buddhists say. I tossed the idea away, and my trip began to ascend again. When this happened, my trip entered a new level again.
I was hit with the strongest sense of emotion I had ever felt in my life. Just emotion, nothing in particular. I tried my best to remain neutral, but almost as if it were out of my control my eyes slowly started to tear up, and then before I knew it I was in a hardcore crying session. I was sad, happy, angry, basically every emotion I’ve ever felt at once. I felt as though the meaning of life had always been there, and I was just too fucking stupid to even notice. We are creatures of emotion, and emotion really is the center of all human experience. It made sense to me that babies cry because they are birthed into such magnificence, and there is nothing for a baby to do but to feel emotions. Crying is the most neutral and passionate form of emotions. You can laugh when you cry, be sad, be happy, hate. And I did all those things. I couldn’t even tell if I was in a meditative state anymore. I couldn’t even really tell I was tripping anymore.
I knew that enlightenment existed, and that there is nothing else to really do in this world but to ascend to a higher consciousness. I felt as though most religions were specifically describing what psychedelics are, and what they do for you. It made sense to me that Buddha and Jesus were simply representations of individuals that ‘broke through’ and were able to retain the beauty and power achievable by every person. It made sense to me that I’ve never been able to pick a career because I knew deep down that it was all trivial and a distraction from what life was really about.
My thoughts brought me to the earth. I wanted so much to be absorbed back into the world again, and to be part of it forever. I wanted to be with OUR mother again. And then, it brought me to thoughts of me and my mother, and how our relationship had always seemed incomplete. I knew the reason was because neither of us are the type of person to show our EMOTIONS very well, but due to the recent epiphany that emotions are the root of all human experience, I knew how to fix it then. I haven’t been true to my emotions as an individual throughout my life, but becoming conscious of it now will let me fix this.
For some reason this entire time my hand would let me do nothing else but make a pointer finger, and when I opened my eyes and saw this, I immediately thought of the painting where man touched god. It felt all related to me. I decided that I went as far as I could with my mediation at that point, and decided to consciously think over what I had just experienced. My entire logic about what intelligence is was re-worked. I believe now that intelligence is simply the capacity for an individual to feel multiple emotions. Knowledge seemed trivial to me, and understanding seemed completely separate from it. Those who appear less intelligent simply cannot perceive as many emotions as you can. Know one really knows shit, but some of us understand some things.
Then I started to come down, and Immediately sought out everyone I knew to simply tell them I loved them. I lost many thoughts I came across, but the thing that stuck with me the most was emotion, and its great importance. I decided from here on out, that it’s trivial for me to argue over concepts such as god and things like that. Yes, it’s still probable to me, but a complete waste of time. I’m not an enlightened person. I need to focus on my emotions and my experiences. That is what is important.
Everything I’ve just said and experienced could sound like complete bullshit to some of you, but regardless..its my experience..and my truth..and what I took from this experience is a life lesson I will never forget.
I love you all.
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This question goes out to anyone. Do you think there’s a point when the experiences you have on mushrooms become your normal waking reality (minus the confusion and hallucinations or whatever negative stuff is experienced)? Or do you think there’s a point when you surpass the experiences that mushrooms/psychedelics are able to give?
Wow. Great fucking write up dude. I feel like you just put all of my recent scattered thoughts into a pile for me.
Oh and I recommend trying not to think of peeing next time. It’s pretty easy on mushrooms. Just tell yourself not to and you’ll obey.
“Things that are easier to picture are easier to understand.” -This is why many people have a hard time with math, because its hard to visualize. Perhaps (and I know its pointless to speculate) we get visuals when we trip because it automatically makes whatever you think make more sense. Perhaps you simply visualize your thoughts.
Awesome write up ! I enjoyed this and made me think.
I agree with you on intelligence and emotions.
It makes sense that intelligence/wisdom is connected to emotions, and someone who has experienced a wide array of emotinos have a higher sense of “understanding” and maturity.
See someone who has gone through alot of hardship in life, is usually always more mature, and understanding, and give off a vibe of ‘wisdom’.
Awesome post. I have a question. Do you think the realizations/visuals that people come to when they trip are just mind distractions to keep its stronghold on you? The last time I smoked pot, for some reason I had a very similar experience to what you had. And you know how you kept reaching out your pointer finger like the Michaelangelo painting? What happened to me was that I was under INTENSE anxiety and fear, and I kept seeing the image of a snake in random things. I was able to remain present and accept the anxiety and transcend it in a way. I realized it was all just an illusion and a trick my mind was playing on me. It wasn’t until after that I realized that there might be something to what people consider a snake being a tempter. It was very strange.
I had gone walking with a friend a few weeks ago and felt a really strong compulsion to meditate on this bridge along a trail leading to our bike path, but I ignored it…probably because I couldn’t see him understanding my need to then, so I decided I owe it to myself to walk back there and “right my wrong” ,so to speak. as I was walking there I found the most intriguing stone at te base of a tree, smooth and shaped like an egg. I walk down the trail, which is paved with large pebbles, which on a normal day I absolutely abhor walking on, the sound of them scraping together under my feet and the resulting vibrations always make me cringe.
but today was different I told my body that “today is not about you” and walked atop them in peace. as I reach the bridge I take a swig of my cucumber tea and bask in the sunlight. I attempt to meditate but my “vision” is flooded by the image of the stream the bridge is over, so I open my eyes and noticed the way the water was moving, it curved, bended and flowed according to how the wind blew, the rocks jutted and the channels of the plants within it were spaced, it went in many different directions at once, then I saw a consistent “string” that flowed towards me, not breaking for more than a second. I thought to offer this stone I found to the river but waited for the wind to answer the question of whether I should or shouldn’t have done so. I balance the stone on my index and middle finger, hovering over the edge of the bridge, tilting my fingers down, so the stone sat there precariously, shifting with the breeze.
after a minute of it sitting there and not falling, I took that as a sign that I needed to hold onto this rock for a little longer, I then put the stone atop my head. it hit me at that point that everything was beautiful, perfect even though the flowers had had not budded or bloomed yet. nature is perfect in its imperfections. this realization caused me to start crying. my inner vocie told me that I should be more like the waters. so I sat there waiting for the earth and wind to guide me into action, the way the breeze caressed my face somehow told me I needed to lay down, I listened and went into the fetal position and layed there for maybe 5 minutes with my eyes closed. it was serene, yet exciting. I open my eyes and an insect flies in front of me, it’s feelers searching for something, I offer my sleeve to it and it crawls around my arm and a second one appears on the opposite arm. for another 5 minutes or so I let them explore my arms and shoulders with a clear mind, everything that just happened was really spiritually gratifying
alex you are really onto something great here. being really in touch directly with your own emotions. with no intellectual gap between you and yourself. that is the way to go. yay mushrooms. you really did a good trip man. and i love the way you went into it. just watching it , and seeing what brought you up and up and down and down. this is a great achievment alex.
you are gaining in wisdom
some of the old Lamas i know are so intune with thier emotions , so direct they experience everything, so clear and consise and without any type of pretense or artificial thinking coming in between. just direct. pure.
that is the nature of your mind that you were seeing. and it is beautiful. that is what made you cry also. seeing the sheer beauty of your own soul shining like the full moon in a peaceful lake. no ripples…
that i wonderful Alex, I had a mini epiphany last night that my soul and I were both the same and individual to eachother and my soul “wants” me, so I should stopp allowing our connections to be distracted by everyday life, after I had that realization, I arranged my dinner into a smiley face, almost reflexively
Lucy came into town today for national ride a bike day- anniversary of the day acid was invented/discovered. I’ll be pretty sure I’ll be back with another post after tomorrow. My friends that took it appeared to be on the level I was when I first tripped, and I”ve always wanted to get back there. :)
Wow, this writing is perfect. I felt the same way as I was tripping last time, but I don’t get all of that experience until I read your work. It makes sense now. I agree with Eric that if you don’t think about peeing, you won’t have to go to the bathroom at all. I know this because I was thinking that I’m so thirsty, I ended up at the faucet and drink all the water that came out until my friend asked me what I was doing. Then my mind returned.
I am a Buddhist and I practiced it for a long time.
My personal thought: Shroom helps our brain to be very good in focus on something, but it won’t last long. This is very similar to the idea of meditation when Buddha teaches us to train our mind to focus on something. Buddha teaches us to aware in every movement of body, the air that we inhaled or exhaled, the diaphragm that move up or down, the wind that touch the skin and etc. Finally our mind will be nothing. We won’t actually focus on anything. It’s kind of emptiness.
I am not good at writing so I don’t know how can I wrap this up to make sense. But in a moment that I was tripping, I was pretty sure that I went to this state.
Hopefully, next time I trip, I will try to focus on the meditation like you did and try to share my experience.
Last thing when I was tripping, I felt that everything is exquisite and everything has its own reason to be there.
@ Sasho – very true.
@ Alex – I think you are on to something regarding the importance of emotion and experience. Someone who is only slightly more intelligent than others will put their time and effort into arguments and proofs and displays of their capabilities, but if one were to truly see the world and the nature of human existence for what they really are I have to believe they would not waste any of their precious time squabbling with others over things they know to be true. Life is too short go live it.
@ Alex, Brandon, Sasho. I think what were all talking about is the state of flowing. Allowing everything that’s happening to happen without labeling and judging it. Surrendering to what’s happening and just experiencing. Makes life a lot more enjoyable, easier and expanded. There are no ceilings
@Wj that was beautiful how you expressed that.
i also felt that after doing a week of Buddhist retreat once in the himalayas that i had this same experience like Alex and also like Brandon did with the insect on his arm. and the stream and the feel of nature being so perfect and so strong. everything was so clear and vivid and crisp in its perfection. all of creation , even all of the dramas i could hear below in the valley. weddings with music and funerals wailing and babies screaming and dogs barking. all of it. so perfect and so pure. it is the purity of our minds when untainted by thought. that is all. so easy and yet so hard.
we can do it with mushrooms and we can do it without. with just meditation.
awareness is all we need.
i love this discussion….
Ok. This is probably irrelevant and probably not to the level of depth that you people are talking about here. But I was going to post something on meditation and I think I should just do it here.
I usually meditate with Holosync which is a piece of audio that was recommended by our very own Phil Drolet. Now, I was told by the instructions of Holosync that I might have to deal with some buried emotions that will resurface and I will eventually get past them but I need to deal with it properly. One of the most recent things that has happened to me through meditating is that my contempt for the education system I am currently in(the Indian one which is a lot worse than the American one). I realized I had buried my contempt and frustration for it just so I can get used to it and adjust to it just to get by these remaining few years. But after meditating, those emotions have been resurfacing and are stronger than ever. I have become so passionate about the system. I think passion is a combination of both love and hate. I really love education and the poetic process that entails it but I hate the education system to the CORE. In fact, I keep telling myself that if there is one thing I could do before I die, it would be to either create my own education system in India or alter the current system established by the government. The former seems easier :D. And maybe I owe it to meditation for my new found passion . So I guess meditation is just going deep within you and uncover all your insecurities and stand aside and observe them or maybe even deal with them once you are done meditating. I don’t know where I was going with this but that’s all I have so far :D. Sorry for my rant
Rajiv, I think it’s great what you are doing. I’m kind of in the same boat with education and things of that nature. I say just keep going with it, and if you feel that it’s your calling, do what you need to do
I wasn’t expecting so much positive feedback. Thanks guys!
@Eric, I did an eighth. I always do an eighth, makes it easy to judge how good they were.
@Daniel, It’s funny you mention that because I was talking to my friend about this yesterday and specifically about a friend of ours who has had an amazing life set up for him. I was talking about how I knew he was a smart guy and everything, but it was hard to talk deep with him, because he was so care-free. She was like, “Well yeah, it makes sense. If your life is already perfect, you don’t have to waste time thinking that much.”
Since I’ve had this trip, me and my mom have gotten to connect on a much better level than before. I didn’t even tell her about all of this, but somehow everything almost fixed itself. Even with my stepdad too, who will never ever show his emotions. We were just looking up at the stars and I was just like, “I love you dad, thanks for everything.” and suddenly, emotion filled his face, and it made me quite happy.
@WJ, “Last thing when I was tripping, I felt that everything is exquisite and everything has its own reason to be there.”
Absolutely agree. I feel this every time. As if, even if the slightest thing were missing from the world, I would know it, and everything else would feel incomplete.
Thanks for the great feedback guys. Love you all! :)
Thanks much guys..It was definitely one hell of an experience.
@Mike, That is extremely interesting. I wonder if all thoughts and feelings are distractions. Some of my thoughts lead me to ascend higher, and other thoughts led me to descend. Every visual I had was a distraction for sure. When I started my original close eyed visuals were pretty intense. I saw people I knew, and everything seemed like it was in 5 or 6 dimensions, all spinning a different way in multiple colors, some of which I had never even seen before. Perhaps the concept of ascending and descending is a distraction as well.
Life is too short, and during my tip I said I was listening to modest mouse. They had a live cd that played as well, and after one of the songs someone yelled, “FREE BIRD” and they go..alright. “We will never play Free Bird. First, because we don’t even know how to play free bird. If this was the make a wish foundation, and you had 20 minutes of life left…we still wouldn’t play free bird. If some diety came down from the hills or clouds or wherever dieties live and granted us the powers of free bird. We could play it backwards, sing it backwards…We STILL wouldn’t play free bird. Last, because life is too damn short to hear or play Free Bird.”
That entire thing made me extremely happy. “Life is too damn short to play or hear Free Bird.”
@hollowinfinity, ok dude check this out. the intense experience its like an internal fight? I know that, then it breaks and you just float uber peace. the membrane around the globe. that ‘breaking point’ is the birth or escape from the cloud of the atmosphere, the ozone layer.
that happened to me too it was an internal struggle like there were two of me I wanted to just scream(i was in the shower by the way lol) but the other part was like no dont do that (mustve been rational thinkning) people dont just scream, you cant, but i want to, but you cant its wierd, but i want to. i ended up screaming the shit out of me while i broke into a million pieces literally thats what it felt like, then i was on the ground (in the shower) and drop raining down on my face my hand was over my ear and the waves of cold ran over my face and the drops felt cold hitting my face, removed my hand, and it was warm again the waves or warm air the warm drops raining. ear covered cold again lol, uncovered hot.
it was then that i realized the nature of this reality lol and i was not of it.
I loved reading this Alex… A lot of people, even on this site, write a lot of nonsense and bullshit about achieving enlightenment. They write arrogantly while contentiously conveying that they are better than everyone (alien comes to mind). This ironic form of preaching beauty while writing like an assassin is an obvious sign that the person is a charlatan… anyone can blab that the ‘I’ doesn’t exist and that god is love, blah blah etc; but your tone was much more convincing; the way you described the experience made it sound inspiringly authentic and humble… I believe you actually achieved something, not that my opinion matters, but well done, thanks for sharing.
Sounds like you took another big step in your journey. That’s great!
Do you trust your emotions as much as you trust your intelligence?
You know how sometimes, when someone is a bit tricky to talk to, people say that you have to “speak their language”? Do you think that you have begun to learn to speak your own language?
Peace and love to you too.
@ Alex. Very cool. I think I get the modest mouse thing: create new things rather than regurgitating old information and prior knowledge?
As for visuals and things of that nature. I say if you have them, let yourself have them. But don’t get attached to them. Just let them be. It’s the same for emotions as well. You wouldn’t be able to realize they were illusory if you didn’t have them in the first place. And if a new emotion or feeling comes up, don’t dismiss it as illusory, just let it be, and if it turns out to be illusory then it turns out to be illusory. It might not be.
@hollowinfinity, ” I felt as though the meaning of life had always been there, and I was just too fucking stupid to even notice”
Every 6-8 weeks for me… don’t even know if I should take shrooms anymore.
Alan watts: Once you get the message hang up the phone.
I got the message, and they keep calling back. Taking mushrooms would be, I feel, like putting it all on speaker phone. Not sure what to make of it. I’m not content with being done with them, and I’m not content with not being done with them.
@christopherrbrooke, I scream in the shower all the time… in fact the other day I started laughing as loud as I could, on purpose. And then it became necessary, couldn’t control it. Just hysterical laughing. Probably the best morning ritual ever HAHAHAHA!