Yesterday, I took the best mushrooms I’ve ever done in my life. It was one of the few times I had actually got to trip by myself without (many) disruptions as well. I took them, and they came on within 20 minutes tops. I decided to meditate, because it seemed like the right thing to do. I have this thing where I trip and my mind will go off into an ‘epiphany’ but as soon as I get distracted, it goes away, and becomes less intense. For example when I first started to meditate my friend came over, and constantly kept trying to talk to me, and each time he did my trip would immediately halt. I kindly asked him to leave me alone, and he did (thankfully!)
So I closed my eyes, and intense close-eyed visuals came at me. It was also the first time I saw people I knew in my visuals. I was enjoying Sad Sappy Sucker by Modest Mouse. The visuals were nice, but I immediately recognized them as a distraction, and focused more on my thought. I don’t know if this happens to everyone else, but I get the shivers when I trip, and it takes me a minute to get comfortable. When I finally get comfortable, my body warms up, and the trip starts intensifying. A problem I encountered was every time I got comfortable, and the trip started to peak more I had the intense urge to pee. I gave in a few times, and each time I had to start back at the beginning, getting myself comfortable, warm, etc. I recognized this as the lowest chakra. I needed to be able to get past the sensation, and not give in to immediate relief. When I accomplished this, my trip entered a new level.
I knew there were visuals there, but I didn’t even notice them anymore. What I felt to be true, was that I was ascending. I was curious how far one could actually ascend. My thoughts brought me to many things, and many ideas. I started to think about god, and when I did, my trip started to lower. I realized the concept of god was a distraction to my goal..just as the Buddhists say. I tossed the idea away, and my trip began to ascend again. When this happened, my trip entered a new level again.
I was hit with the strongest sense of emotion I had ever felt in my life. Just emotion, nothing in particular. I tried my best to remain neutral, but almost as if it were out of my control my eyes slowly started to tear up, and then before I knew it I was in a hardcore crying session. I was sad, happy, angry, basically every emotion I’ve ever felt at once. I felt as though the meaning of life had always been there, and I was just too fucking stupid to even notice. We are creatures of emotion, and emotion really is the center of all human experience. It made sense to me that babies cry because they are birthed into such magnificence, and there is nothing for a baby to do but to feel emotions. Crying is the most neutral and passionate form of emotions. You can laugh when you cry, be sad, be happy, hate. And I did all those things. I couldn’t even tell if I was in a meditative state anymore. I couldn’t even really tell I was tripping anymore.
I knew that enlightenment existed, and that there is nothing else to really do in this world but to ascend to a higher consciousness. I felt as though most religions were specifically describing what psychedelics are, and what they do for you. It made sense to me that Buddha and Jesus were simply representations of individuals that ‘broke through’ and were able to retain the beauty and power achievable by every person. It made sense to me that I’ve never been able to pick a career because I knew deep down that it was all trivial and a distraction from what life was really about.
My thoughts brought me to the earth. I wanted so much to be absorbed back into the world again, and to be part of it forever. I wanted to be with OUR mother again. And then, it brought me to thoughts of me and my mother, and how our relationship had always seemed incomplete. I knew the reason was because neither of us are the type of person to show our EMOTIONS very well, but due to the recent epiphany that emotions are the root of all human experience, I knew how to fix it then. I haven’t been true to my emotions as an individual throughout my life, but becoming conscious of it now will let me fix this.
For some reason this entire time my hand would let me do nothing else but make a pointer finger, and when I opened my eyes and saw this, I immediately thought of the painting where man touched god. It felt all related to me. I decided that I went as far as I could with my mediation at that point, and decided to consciously think over what I had just experienced. My entire logic about what intelligence is was re-worked. I believe now that intelligence is simply the capacity for an individual to feel multiple emotions. Knowledge seemed trivial to me, and understanding seemed completely separate from it. Those who appear less intelligent simply cannot perceive as many emotions as you can. Know one really knows shit, but some of us understand some things.
Then I started to come down, and Immediately sought out everyone I knew to simply tell them I loved them. I lost many thoughts I came across, but the thing that stuck with me the most was emotion, and its great importance. I decided from here on out, that it’s trivial for me to argue over concepts such as god and things like that. Yes, it’s still probable to me, but a complete waste of time. I’m not an enlightened person. I need to focus on my emotions and my experiences. That is what is important.
Everything I’ve just said and experienced could sound like complete bullshit to some of you, but regardless..its my experience..and my truth..and what I took from this experience is a life lesson I will never forget.
I love you all.
Awesome write up ! I enjoyed this and made me think.
I agree with you on intelligence and emotions.
It makes sense that intelligence/wisdom is connected to emotions, and someone who has experienced a wide array of emotinos have a higher sense of “understanding” and maturity.
See someone who has gone through alot of hardship in life, is usually always more mature, and understanding, and give off a vibe of ‘wisdom’.
alex you are really onto something great here. being really in touch directly with your own emotions. with no intellectual gap between you and yourself. that is the way to go. yay mushrooms. you really did a good trip man. and i love the way you went into it. just watching it , and seeing what brought you up and up and down and down. this is a great achievment alex.
you are gaining in wisdom
some of the old Lamas i know are so intune with thier emotions , so direct they experience everything, so clear and consise and without any type of pretense or artificial thinking coming in between. just direct. pure.
that is the nature of your mind that you were seeing. and it is beautiful. that is what made you cry also. seeing the sheer beauty of your own soul shining like the full moon in a peaceful lake. no ripples…
Wow, this writing is perfect. I felt the same way as I was tripping last time, but I don’t get all of that experience until I read your work. It makes sense now. I agree with Eric that if you don’t think about peeing, you won’t have to go to the bathroom at all. I know this because I was thinking that I’m so thirsty, I ended up at the faucet and drink all the water that came out until my friend asked me what I was doing. Then my mind returned.
I am a Buddhist and I practiced it for a long time.
My personal thought: Shroom helps our brain to be very good in focus on something, but it won’t last long. This is very similar to the idea of meditation when Buddha teaches us to train our mind to focus on something. Buddha teaches us to aware in every movement of body, the air that we inhaled or exhaled, the diaphragm that move up or down, the wind that touch the skin and etc. Finally our mind will be nothing. We won’t actually focus on anything. It’s kind of emptiness.
I am not good at writing so I don’t know how can I wrap this up to make sense. But in a moment that I was tripping, I was pretty sure that I went to this state.
Hopefully, next time I trip, I will try to focus on the meditation like you did and try to share my experience.
Last thing when I was tripping, I felt that everything is exquisite and everything has its own reason to be there.
@Wj that was beautiful how you expressed that.
i also felt that after doing a week of Buddhist retreat once in the himalayas that i had this same experience like Alex and also like Brandon did with the insect on his arm. and the stream and the feel of nature being so perfect and so strong. everything was so clear and vivid and crisp in its perfection. all of creation , even all of the dramas i could hear below in the valley. weddings with music and funerals wailing and babies screaming and dogs barking. all of it. so perfect and so pure. it is the purity of our minds when untainted by thought. that is all. so easy and yet so hard.
we can do it with mushrooms and we can do it without. with just meditation.
awareness is all we need.
i love this discussion….
I wasn’t expecting so much positive feedback. Thanks guys!
@Eric, I did an eighth. I always do an eighth, makes it easy to judge how good they were.
@Daniel, It’s funny you mention that because I was talking to my friend about this yesterday and specifically about a friend of ours who has had an amazing life set up for him. I was talking about how I knew he was a smart guy and everything, but it was hard to talk deep with him, because he was so care-free. She was like, “Well yeah, it makes sense. If your life is already perfect, you don’t have to waste time thinking that much.”
Since I’ve had this trip, me and my mom have gotten to connect on a much better level than before. I didn’t even tell her about all of this, but somehow everything almost fixed itself. Even with my stepdad too, who will never ever show his emotions. We were just looking up at the stars and I was just like, “I love you dad, thanks for everything.” and suddenly, emotion filled his face, and it made me quite happy.
@WJ, “Last thing when I was tripping, I felt that everything is exquisite and everything has its own reason to be there.”
Absolutely agree. I feel this every time. As if, even if the slightest thing were missing from the world, I would know it, and everything else would feel incomplete.
Thanks for the great feedback guys. Love you all! :)
Sounds like you took another big step in your journey. That’s great!
Do you trust your emotions as much as you trust your intelligence?
You know how sometimes, when someone is a bit tricky to talk to, people say that you have to “speak their language”? Do you think that you have begun to learn to speak your own language?
Peace and love to you too.
alex that story with your step dad makes me so happy. im really impressed man with the amazing results of your relvalation. this is incredible. for parents the best thing in the world is when their kids say just that. i love you and thank you. it means everything to us! we do try so hard and having kids is not easy.
Stonedragon, I could really tell it meant a lot to them. I connected so well with my parents last night. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner! I was honest with them about my drug use last night as well. I was originally quitting the weed, but I made an exception last night to smoke with my parents for the first time ever!
that is so great alex to smoke up with them! that is so cool. i always smoke up with my kids., sorry in case any one wonders, they are grown up, 19, 22 and 25. not small kids. i never smoked pot when they were small. i only started again when my oldest son started to smoke up at 18, i stopped when i got pregnant with the first kid. i dont think parents of small kids should be stoned, and not pregnant women either. alcolhol and pot are not good for that.
but now that everyone is big, i mean it becomes just a natural thing to do. like enjoying some wine or some good food, and not make a big deal about it. and feeling high we can enjoy each others vibe more.
that must have been such a change for you! i mean you can be on their level now and not all sneaky bad boy shit.
they must feel your struggle and see how hard you work and how sweet you are. that is so fine! you can appreciate each other on a heart level now.!!!
@Alex, you lucky bastard. I want to toke up with my parents so badly it’s not even funny. Too bad they won’t do it unless it becomes legal : /
I feel like it would strengthen our relationship.
I wonder how tripping with my family would be. I bet it would be magnificent.
What a beautiful moment… Moments.
There are no words to describe how profound this internet discussion is!!! Thank you times the stars for sharing and listening to the truth and love you found, Alex. I am so inspired.
And also, Brandon.
Thank you for sharing your experience by the water. Awesome. Simply awesome. Your words paint a picture.
This question goes out to anyone. Do you think there’s a point when the experiences you have on mushrooms become your normal waking reality (minus the confusion and hallucinations or whatever negative stuff is experienced)? Or do you think there’s a point when you surpass the experiences that mushrooms/psychedelics are able to give?
Lucy came into town today for national ride a bike day- anniversary of the day acid was invented/discovered. I’ll be pretty sure I’ll be back with another post after tomorrow. My friends that took it appeared to be on the level I was when I first tripped, and I”ve always wanted to get back there. :)
@hollowinfinity, ok dude check this out. the intense experience its like an internal fight? I know that, then it breaks and you just float uber peace. the membrane around the globe. that ‘breaking point’ is the birth or escape from the cloud of the atmosphere, the ozone layer.
that happened to me too it was an internal struggle like there were two of me I wanted to just scream(i was in the shower by the way lol) but the other part was like no dont do that (mustve been rational thinkning) people dont just scream, you cant, but i want to, but you cant its wierd, but i want to. i ended up screaming the shit out of me while i broke into a million pieces literally thats what it felt like, then i was on the ground (in the shower) and drop raining down on my face my hand was over my ear and the waves of cold ran over my face and the drops felt cold hitting my face, removed my hand, and it was warm again the waves or warm air the warm drops raining. ear covered cold again lol, uncovered hot.
it was then that i realized the nature of this reality lol and i was not of it.
@hollowinfinity, ” I felt as though the meaning of life had always been there, and I was just too fucking stupid to even notice”
Every 6-8 weeks for me… don’t even know if I should take shrooms anymore.
Alan watts: Once you get the message hang up the phone.
I got the message, and they keep calling back. Taking mushrooms would be, I feel, like putting it all on speaker phone. Not sure what to make of it. I’m not content with being done with them, and I’m not content with not being done with them.
@christopherrbrooke, I scream in the shower all the time… in fact the other day I started laughing as loud as I could, on purpose. And then it became necessary, couldn’t control it. Just hysterical laughing. Probably the best morning ritual ever HAHAHAHA!
That sounds like a great time Alex. Mikey, I believe that the psychaledics are just a tool to learn how to reach these levels without them. Like Sasho can.
Brandon, that reminds me of a time not long ago while I was camping and there were these sweet waterfalls that had cut through an enormous slab of limestone. I chilled there for probably an hour there the next day and had a similar experience to yours. And once, I was sitting on my tailgate and a butterfly landed on my foot. I walked around, got in the truck, drove home, got out of the truck, sat back on my tailgate, and then the butterfly flew up and landed on my chest. But it eventually flew away. We were friends..
WJ, you should say more on these forums. I think we could learn quite a bit from you.
This is magnificent friend. I just started reading up on lucid dreaming and employing some of the practices and I have realized these things are all connected. What I mean by that is the experience from meditation, psychedelics, yoga, prayer, lucid dreaming etc are all related in terms of the end goal. These methods are there for us to learn and reach that higher consciousness. Im happy you were able to reach that state and learn something from it. The point is to continuously reach that state to the point where your waking life is the same as that state. Most would call it enlightenment, or a state of pure Love. Peace.
loved it. this part especially: “We are creatures of emotion, and emotion really is the center of all human experience. It made sense to me that babies cry because they are birthed into such magnificence, and there is nothing for a baby to do but to feel emotions.”