My boyfriend is extremely insecure…
About a year ago, I went to a gathering with a group of friends that my now boyfriend and I, and my ex and his girlfriend attended. My boyfriend knew at the time that my ex was going, and was okay with it simply because we dated so long ago. We didn’t really keep in contact after the break up either, just remained friends through social media for a while. At this party, there was alcohol, and much ball busting, males with gay banter, and the horny female or two.
Although I did not see this particular incident myself, my ex and his girlfriend snuck off to a dark corner where they were disturbed by other members of the party. All of the girls came running back into the house screaming, exclaiming that they saw more then what they bargained for. Apparently, my ex was exposed, and everyone discovered something I never wanted my current boyfriend to know. My ex was blessed below the belt let’s just say. I never told him either, knowing the cardinal rule, you never talk about your ex’s in front of your current significant other in that light.
Needless to say, once my boyfriend heard about this from those girls, his confidence within himself dropped. Regardless of my tireless efforts to reassure him that he is the best and biggest, but he can’t seem to get my ex out of his mind. I’ve tried everything. New positions, experiences, ego stroking… the works. We have been dating for over a year and some odd months now, and his confidence seems to be at a very low stance still. He has confided in me that he has looked into herbal remedies, certain exercises, and even surgery to give him his confidence back. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried to reassure him that he makes me happy exactly the way he is. I don’t want him to change, yet he feels the need to.
I need your help fellow HEthens. What’s your take? What should I do? Is there anything I can do?
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First I think you shouldn’t of even gone to a party setting with your ex there. That’s already a brew for a disaster, he is your ex for a reason. Now if this all is affecting your relationship with your current boyfriend you should sit down and REALLY talk about it. Tell him that this ins’t healthy and if he doesn’t trust what you say that you may have to move on. You know that situation better than anyone though so I would go with how you feel about the whole thing.
Update: Since broken up. Also you should be able to go out into any public setting and not really be too concerned about your ex if you trust yourself and your partner. I did have to move on after almost 2 years of hearing the same line. Sometimes when you allow an insecurity to swallow you, it swallows and strangles everything else with it. It also didn’t help that he was already misogynistic to begin with.
Why do you assure him that he is the biggest and best? Maybe your insincerity and dishonesty is amplifying the situation. If you don’t want him to make a big deal out of it, you shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. You shouldn’t keep secrets in the first place so that he doesn’t have to find out through other people.
Stop protecting his delicate little ego and tell him the truth. he doesn’t have anywhere near the biggest dick on earth and that he needs to get over it. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with a child.
@stereofidelic, Sit him down and tell him that he does have a penis, not a vagina, and that he needs to take that tampon out.
In all seriousness, stop massaging his ego. That’s childish. Be honest with him about his penis size and how, if it doesn’t, affect how good your sex is. After that, it’s all down to him. He needs to grow up if he thinks that the only factor in the quality of sex/a relationship is the size of the male’s penis.
I can’t really offer you any help other than he needs to read about the topic as much as he can to be reassured .
I guess you have to convince him somehow or make him learn on his own that enlarging his penis is more embarrassing than not being confident with himself in the first place. Because it’s true. Well if that doesn’t work, I have no idea, maybe explain to him scientifically and psychologically that insecurity isn’t what turns people on.
Sounds like a solid ego crisis. I think all men go through this at some point in their lives, eventually they just wrap their head around the fact that your penis size isn’t the only thing that matters to women. I know for a fact that my current girlfriend dated a (lol stereotypes) black guy with a much bigger penis than I but that doesn’t stop me from getting in the sack with her and rocking her world. It’s all about confidence. If penis size truly did matter *that* much, the male population of the world would be, what, 75% single?
either 1) make his ego feel beter by saying ‘his dck used to hurt, it sucked’ yours fits way better
2) if you’r enot the type to like insecure men, then you should prob let him go, people who are insecure will always be insecure – those who have inner self confidecne will def feel a sting when knowing that his gf’s ex had a huge penis, but he’ll be confident that you like him because you’re still with him – everyone should have inner self confidence if this is an issue, it will become more and more unattractive later
i dont know you well enough to know what you like – you may like insecure men as you can control them, or you may actually not like insecure men – im not sure so i cant say for sure
but thats how i would thinka bout it – good luck!
Pretty sure every guy goes through a period of “am I big enough”, though if he can chill out it’ll pass. If he’s crazy, it won’t. IMO anything you TRY to do like convincing him that he is fine will just be fluff for his ego. Be a straight honest chick, tell him you love it either way, and the rest is up to him.
@stereofidelic, Your bf has it all wrong. Here, let Randy Marsh explain it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa9YUDNHobE&feature=related
@stereofidelic, A year…? That’s dedication. He should get over it eventually.
I dealt with depression as a kid. Then one day my karate instructor told me, “Hey, if you’re gonna be f*cking sad all the time then you can just leave.”
So after that I stopped bumming other people out over my problems, because the world was bigger than my problems and had enough of its own already.
Developing a healthy mindset is the trick, and sometimes you have to kickstart it.
@stereofidelic, Sounds like a really tough situation you’re in. Is the size of his penis really the issue? Or is this only the tip of the iceberg? Maybe there is a deeper and more rooted problem that is really causing his insecurities and his penis size is just feeding this. Alot of people have said break up with him, but I think only you can make that decision. None of us can give you that answer, it all depends on what you want/need. Be careful feeding his ego though, because you could just be subconsciously reinforcing his current behavior. Good luck
I don’t know what to say. I used to be an insecure guy myself, but the more I read about others that were in my view of life, the more I understood that it only lead to misery and loneliness where I could have had abundance, if I didn’t show weakness. It doesn’t help a person to believe negative things about themself….you have to try for more if you want to survive and thrive and have fun before you go. I used to get down about my looks, but all it needed was a little cleanliness and physical activity. Now, I don’t sweat that stuff anymore. And I used to get down on myself that I was boring, but I’m actually pursuing what I want, and hence, I’m not bored of myself anymore either. I actually feel great when I meet strangers now.
Your boyfriend should realize that he is with you, and your ex isn’t, so there’s no reason for your boyfriend to worry about your ex. Telling oneself that they are a champ is a lot more fun than telling themself that they have no chance.
@boribori90, I wish I knew how to enforce that behavior. I’ve tried fluffing his ego. I’ve tried to talk about positive things, or keep the conversations light, or even in the context of bad conversation, I try to find the silver lining. How could I go about kick starting it?