My boyfriend is extremely insecure…
About a year ago, I went to a gathering with a group of friends that my now boyfriend and I, and my ex and his girlfriend attended. My boyfriend knew at the time that my ex was going, and was okay with it simply because we dated so long ago. We didn’t really keep in contact after the break up either, just remained friends through social media for a while. At this party, there was alcohol, and much ball busting, males with gay banter, and the horny female or two.
Although I did not see this particular incident myself, my ex and his girlfriend snuck off to a dark corner where they were disturbed by other members of the party. All of the girls came running back into the house screaming, exclaiming that they saw more then what they bargained for. Apparently, my ex was exposed, and everyone discovered something I never wanted my current boyfriend to know. My ex was blessed below the belt let’s just say. I never told him either, knowing the cardinal rule, you never talk about your ex’s in front of your current significant other in that light.
Needless to say, once my boyfriend heard about this from those girls, his confidence within himself dropped. Regardless of my tireless efforts to reassure him that he is the best and biggest, but he can’t seem to get my ex out of his mind. I’ve tried everything. New positions, experiences, ego stroking… the works. We have been dating for over a year and some odd months now, and his confidence seems to be at a very low stance still. He has confided in me that he has looked into herbal remedies, certain exercises, and even surgery to give him his confidence back. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried to reassure him that he makes me happy exactly the way he is. I don’t want him to change, yet he feels the need to.
I need your help fellow HEthens. What’s your take? What should I do? Is there anything I can do?
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@stereofidelic, Mother Theresa said that if you tell someone what they want to hear you are loving yourself. Only if you tell someone what they need to hear are you loving them. I agree with her.
You say that you don’t want to come across as a bitch. This makes it appear that you are more concerned with your image than helping him. He is already feeling a blow to his pride, being treated like a child probably won’t help. He needs to be a man and to be expected to act like a man.
Tell him to act like an adult or to cry to his mom about his problems. He should apologise and realise that he is being a baby. If he doesnt its no longer your problem. He can choose to be sad about his dick for as long as he wants.
@stereofidelic, Sit him down and tell him that he does have a penis, not a vagina, and that he needs to take that tampon out.
In all seriousness, stop massaging his ego. That’s childish. Be honest with him about his penis size and how, if it doesn’t, affect how good your sex is. After that, it’s all down to him. He needs to grow up if he thinks that the only factor in the quality of sex/a relationship is the size of the male’s penis.
I can’t really offer you any help other than he needs to read about the topic as much as he can to be reassured .
@bobbylloydxd, You really do bring up a lot of good points. And it is something that I have been afraid of voicing in order to steer clear of getting him upset or angry, but you’re right. I can’t coddle him forever. He needs to grow a spine. Maybe being completely honest will put things into perspective.
I guess you have to convince him somehow or make him learn on his own that enlarging his penis is more embarrassing than not being confident with himself in the first place. Because it’s true. Well if that doesn’t work, I have no idea, maybe explain to him scientifically and psychologically that insecurity isn’t what turns people on.
@stereofidelic, honesty has done great things for me and I try to practice it often. Some people feel that I am rude or too confrontational, but I know that my heart is in the right place. I sleep very well at night.
It is a really incredible feeling to be able to expose your thoughts honestly and not be ashamed of them. I believe that it allows for deeper understanding and deeper love in all relationships.
If you ever feel that you need to hide parts of yourself, you should seriously consider why that is. It’s probably not worth it. If someone cannot accept you as you are, they do not truly love you and are not worth your time.