My boyfriend is extremely insecure…

2 years, 6 months ago

About a year ago, I went to a gathering with a group of friends that my now boyfriend and I, and my ex and his girlfriend attended. My boyfriend knew at the time that my ex was going, and was okay with it simply because we dated so long ago. We didn’t really keep in contact after the break up either, just remained friends through social media for a while. At this party, there was alcohol, and much ball busting, males with gay banter, and the horny female or two.
Although I did not see this particular incident myself, my ex and his girlfriend snuck off to a dark corner where they were disturbed by other members of the party. All of the girls came running back into the house screaming, exclaiming that they saw more then what they bargained for. Apparently, my ex was exposed, and everyone discovered something I never wanted my current boyfriend to know. My ex was blessed below the belt let’s just say. I never told him either, knowing the cardinal rule, you never talk about your ex’s in front of your current significant other in that light.
Needless to say, once my boyfriend heard about this from those girls, his confidence within himself dropped. Regardless of my tireless efforts to reassure him that he is the best and biggest, but he can’t seem to get my ex out of his mind. I’ve tried everything. New positions, experiences, ego stroking… the works. We have been dating for over a year and some odd months now, and his confidence seems to be at a very low stance still. He has confided in me that he has looked into herbal remedies, certain exercises, and even surgery to give him his confidence back. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried to reassure him that he makes me happy exactly the way he is. I don’t want him to change, yet he feels the need to.

I need your help fellow HEthens. What’s your take? What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

October 22, 2012 at 2:41 pm

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Profile photo of Bobby Bobby (@bobbylloydxd) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

@stereofidelic, Mother Theresa said that if you tell someone what they want to hear you are loving yourself. Only if you tell someone what they need to hear are you loving them. I agree with her.
You say that you don’t want to come across as a bitch. This makes it appear that you are more concerned with your image than helping him. He is already feeling a blow to his pride, being treated like a child probably won’t help. He needs to be a man and to be expected to act like a man.
Tell him to act like an adult or to cry to his mom about his problems. He should apologise and realise that he is being a baby. If he doesnt its no longer your problem. He can choose to be sad about his dick for as long as he wants.

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Profile photo of kaysteady kaysteady (@stereofidelic) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

@bobbylloydxd, You really do bring up a lot of good points. And it is something that I have been afraid of voicing in order to steer clear of getting him upset or angry, but you’re right. I can’t coddle him forever. He needs to grow a spine. Maybe being completely honest will put things into perspective.

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Profile photo of Bobby Bobby (@bobbylloydxd) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

@stereofidelic, honesty has done great things for me and I try to practice it often. Some people feel that I am rude or too confrontational, but I know that my heart is in the right place. I sleep very well at night.

It is a really incredible feeling to be able to expose your thoughts honestly and not be ashamed of them. I believe that it allows for deeper understanding and deeper love in all relationships.

If you ever feel that you need to hide parts of yourself, you should seriously consider why that is. It’s probably not worth it. If someone cannot accept you as you are, they do not truly love you and are not worth your time.

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Profile photo of Dan Dan (@danfontaine) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

@stereofidelic, If you can’t be honest with him what are you doing together with him?
My ex ex had huge ta tas and my ex had relatively small ones. I could tell this bothered her immensely at first but it was just laughable to me. Because the truth of the matter is that breast size has little importance to a non-materialistic minded person. My honesty prevailed in comforting her.
Look chick.. if you like guys with big shlongs, break up with the dude. If you find his penis unattractive at all, break up with him. He’s better suited with someone with a tighter vagina.

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Profile photo of Dan Dan (@danfontaine) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

It makes me kind of sick that you told him he’s the biggest you’ve had. Did he fucking ask? Or did you just feel the need to tell him? Either way is wildly inappropriate.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

@stereofidelic, Here’s a wild guess: tell him his ding dong is not what makes him a man, and that he should try to focus on the world, because what he does in the world defines him as much, if not more, than what he is. He has the ability, it’s just covered up by youthful insecurity. The sooner he gets over that, the better.

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Profile photo of kaysteady kaysteady (@stereofidelic) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

@danfontaine, Size matters but in the opposite way you would think. Because of that particular ex, I refuse to date someone that would hurt me essentially. Which is something I have talked to my boyfriend about. He still feels insecure.

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Profile photo of kaysteady kaysteady (@stereofidelic) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

@boribori90, good point.

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Profile photo of kaysteady kaysteady (@stereofidelic) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

@danfontaine, To be honest, I told him that he was absolutely perfect. At least size wise. It may be too much info, but I tried reassuring him that what he had I was more than happy with.

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Profile photo of TaureanH TaureanH (@taurean10) 2 years, 6 months ago ago

@xyver, Lol I wouldn’t know either but hopefully its not too uncomfortable; if so, snake like jaws will be a prerequisite for my future wife.

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Profile photo of Jordan Bates Jordan Bates C (@bashfulkoala) 9 months, 1 week ago ago

If you don’t get the right answers here, you might try posing this question to /r/sex on Reddit. Best forum I’ve ever come across for such questions. Peace.

http://www.reddit.com/r/sex

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Profile photo of kaysteady kaysteady (@stereofidelic) 8 months, 1 week ago ago

Update: Since broken up. Also you should be able to go out into any public setting and not really be too concerned about your ex if you trust yourself and your partner. I did have to move on after almost 2 years of hearing the same line. Sometimes when you allow an insecurity to swallow you, it swallows and strangles everything else with it. It also didn’t help that he was already misogynistic to begin with.

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