So,let me start from the very beginning;November of last year,I asked out a girl.You could call her my first love.She rejected me.I got heartbroken.
On a side note,I started writing because of this heartbreak.Thanks to her.
Then,after a few weeks,I heard she went out with another guy.Well,good for her,I thought.
Now,circa November of this year,they broke up.She’s hurt,like a lot.
Then,she goes to a friend of mine,and says she realizes that my love for her was true,and that the other guy was just playing with her.About fuckin’ time,my friend says.
After some time,she comes to me and says pretty much the same thing.Also that she shouldn’t have rejected me like that.
Now,I’m torn;Should I accept her? And carry on from where I left off? Or reject her?
Guh. What a loaded question. There is no “right” or “wrong” answer, only what you feel falls in line with YOUR best interest at this point. Ask yourself questions about the situation, and if you’re leaning one way or another, ask yourself HOW and WHY you’ve come to this conclusion.
No advice can be given by me, as it is truly up to you. I will share something to think about though..
If I read your op correctly, either you never dated her, or didn’t date very long. It’s a little unclear. To be attracted to someone in any form, is not necessarily love. At least from my experience and understanding of what love “is”. I view love as complete and total acceptance of another, coupled with complete abandonment of yourself to that person. I think to accept a person, you first have to know what you are accepting, and sometimes that is difficult to do in a short period of time. Of course there can be an initial love that grows into something deeper, but that initial love can turn later into rejection based on non-acceptance and an inability to abandon yourself completely.
In short, don’t rush to proclaim love.
Good luck in finding love, whether it is with this girl, or another.. or both (of course not at the same time :) Love is the most beautiful yet mysterious things coupled with life. Enjoy it.
She seems quite indecisive so how do you know she’s not gonna change her mind again and decide that that other guy is better for her? Also you have to be careful because you mentioned she was hurt, which probably implies that she’s feeling very vulnerable and emotional at the moment. You could just be something that feels safe during her time of heartbreak. She knows that you’re not gonna be playing with her because she knows you’re devoted, be very careful in trusting her because she has this knowledge. She probably believes that in a relationship with you she would be the one with the power; unlike her relationship with her last boyfriend..
Man up. Don’t blame her for your heartbreak, it isn’t ‘thanks to her’.You responded with a pussy heartbreak because she wouldn’t go on a traditional relationship with you and your emotional response is your responsibility, sorry to sound so rough.
Forget about her. If you go in a traditional relationship and cannot handle her cheating on you (i.e sleeping with other people, which you shouldn’t care anyway) then let her go her own way. She may sound emotional about your love for her, but if she comes across a man who she can just fuck and leave knowing that he will be indifferent about it, she probably will.
So stop being so emotional and stop getting heart broken because a girl won’t go out with you? Do you really need that approval and do you really need to go in a fantasy twilight relationship with her which probably will not work?
That’s just my advice, take it or leave it.
@stefan, Great reply.
@ziggy, I think though, you need to know if she now LOVES you the way you are hoping she will. If not REALLY, then be careful dude. You could just get hurt again.
As Stefan said, dont get that emotional. And yes, it is a choice also at the end of it. Trust me, I “fell” heavily on more than one occasion. Don’t fool yourself over the adictive nature of love. It IS great, but don’t let it take you over. you sound too smart for that, and hence the predicament. If you know how she really feels, you could easily make this decision!
@skye Girls are not complex. A person who makes everything complicated is complex, yes… for themselves unfortunately. Thinking in excuses isn’t really an excuse. I’m still wondering why everyone believes that, maybe because the world needs more forgiveness. Anyway, “riiiiiiiiight, I’ll take you, we’re gonna be happy forever after because someone hurt you”
@trek79, Again, with the pussy attitude (no offense to ziggy) towards a relationship, the girl will have all the power. And with that power she will play with his emotions, which is bad for him.
Only try going towards a traditional relationship after you’ve had sex with her. Or just don’t go in a traditional relationship because its bulllshit.
Fuck that. I would tell the bitch the walk the other way. You offered your heart to her and she rejected it. She had the offer when it was good and now your heart is sore from it. It’s her loss bro. Girls gotta realize for themselves that the guy who’s going to treat her right and enjoy her company is the right choice and not the guy looking for some easy pussy for awhile. Just my take on it, don’t let someone walk on you just because you care for them. That’s unhealthy and desperate. Just my opinion though. Cheers! :)
@trek79, Woah! Eastern Europe is a big place, don’t talk like that. I agree. And it’s a pretty difficult question to answer just on a forum. The problem I have with the question is that if you don’t have experience, you’re really not going to learn much from other people’s experiences. The reason I said no is because if the dude doesn’t have experience, then he’s actually not sure if his love was really true.
@stefan, It would be appropriate if you share how you learned this. An advice without the circumstances that lead to giving it?
@beyond, Do you think that love is a pink and wonderful land filled with faires and unicorns? No, love and sex are a tumultuous rollercoaster ride, and part of that is the unequal roles between people in it. if their relationship has someone hurt and vulnerable, then then that form of degradation can be a turn on.