need some help, cant tell if im destroying my relationship or if its falling apa

2 years, 4 months ago

Some background info
We’ve been together for 9 and a 1/2 months
I went to florida for 3 weeks around month 4 and she said she didnt mind if i hooked up with other girls, pretty cool i thought. I didnt want to though and i told her that
when i came back things seemed different. the passion and intimacy were less and it was moving towards just a friendship.
Im depressed a lot and it affects my relationships with all people and every couple of months with this chick and i feel like i have to fight with her to reinstall some passion. she goes to college and its kind of long distance so we go weeks without seeing each other and we talk and text a lot, about boring stuff like school and work.
i love her for who she is and she doesnt believe me. she thinks i think im in love
She thinks it takes time to fall in love, which is fine but I think she is just saying that as an excuse. I cant tell though.

Anyways I had another fight with her and I tried to keep it civil and just tell her I was feeling left alone and that she was just treating me like a friend instead of a boyfriend, which I have a problem with due to being friendzoned so many times in high school by girls that I was attracted too. I just wanted to know where I stood with her, and she refused to tell me straight out and after about an hour of her not saying anything confirmative and me being mad she said she was tired and I was stressing her out and that she would come over today.

I already asked her to come over today and she said she wanted to settle in with her family first due to it being her first day back from college.

Today I told her she didn’t have to come over. Don’t ditch your family for me I said.

Basically I think everything I’m doing is wrong, I question almost every action and thing I say, but I know this girl means a lot to me and if I can work it out I want to.

Before people say that relationships are a bad idea to begin with, I know. But I’m in this one and I want to see it through.

December 15, 2012 at 7:29 pm

You must sign in or join to reply!

1
Profile photo of Taylor Taylor (@taysand) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

What it all really comes down to is.. don’t try too hard. Don’t dwell too deep into questions. Let go of the past (even the immediate past) and focus on the Now. It obviously makes her uncomfortable talking about it, so just drop it as far as badgering her with questions that she doesn’t know how to answer. Its good that you’re trying to be civil in your arguments, but it would be better if you tried avoiding the arguments all together. Just take one babystep at a time and do what you can to make HER happy and to make YOU happy. If she’s not into it anymore, then she’s not worth your time. She has to like you for you.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of apricelessgoat apricelessgoat (@aworthlessgoat) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

Yeah true, all good points. I’m starting to think what it was, was that my needs were being met and other factors in my life just suck. stuff I feel I have no control over, so maybe I took it out on her. Sometimes it seems like she’s so in love with me that nothing could ever come between us, other times it seems like she’s just your typical mind game player.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of tigerlily tigerlily (@tigerlily) 2 years, 4 months ago ago

From experience I think it is best to not question the feelings or motives of your partner unless they are doing something very harmful to themselves or you. Just take it one day at a time, be in the very moment when you see and talk to her. By that I mean don’t think about the past or future whatsoever don’t let your thoughts fog up your mind let all that clear up and you will have a better understanding of the relationship. (: I hope everything works out for the best!!

[Hidden]
Reply to this topic
What can you accomplish in 30 days? Join our site-wide challenge. Challenge Yourself

More Posts Like This

1

Profile photo of ╨▄t̠᷃͛᷃́᷃᷃e̢᷃᷃́᷃᷃͠e᷂᷃᷃́᷃᷃͠v̳᷃᷾᷃́᷃᷃r͓᷃᷃́᷃͏᷃i̻᷃᷃́᷃ͪ᷃q̪᷃᷃́᷃̌᷃u̖̝᷃᷃́᷃᷃e̗᷃ͦ᷃́᷃᷃▄═ Internet makes people's life more patterned

People share lots of information, often useless, but it reflects their souls and interests. It is a property of people to seek for patterns in the world and give them names. So people do so for the information they share...

4
3

Profile photo of Zane What is the "ego"?

So, I have been wondering. I have read many discussions and posts “how to defeat your ego” “my ego is holding me back” “my ego is fighting against me” and so on and so on. Basically,...

4
1

Profile photo of Daniel Barenboim How Do You Deal With Negative Emotions?

     I’ve always been one to avoid, at any cost, anything I didn’t want to feel. My therapist would tell me that it wasn’t wise, that eventually there would come a time where I...

1
1

Profile photo of TheAppetizer I am so confused

I’m at a point where I find it hard to agree with anything, and feel lost along my path. I was never a religious person, mostly because I saw people my age who went to church but were not “righteous,”...

1
26

Profile photo of Ishy.gutz What single change would have the MOST positive impact on the world?

Could be societal, political, economical, etc. In other words, if we could only change ONE thing about the world to better our lives, what should it be?

96
2

Profile photo of Ishy.gutz Friends to share my experiences with

I want to get to know people and hear what they have to say. You don’t have to be physically present to develop a friendship. A friend is someone who is wiling to put what their doing down to listen and focus on...

2
5

Profile photo of Tone Tone Reputation Anxiety

I feel anxiety when someone builds my reputation up. If I have a really solid interaction where the person compliments me and I can tell thinks highly of me, I don’t want to ruin this newfound image I’ve...

4
5

Profile photo of eextreme I need some help defining and researching exactly what this is.

   Ok so recently I’ve discovered something truly unfathomable. It was just an average day I went to work got home and smoked a decent amount of weed (sour d) with my friends and after they left I decided...

7
2

Profile photo of rubyred Mute

Hello :) For those of you who don’t know I am Shea. I have the challenge of going mute for as long as possible. It’s been extremely hard with school and the fact that I got sick and couldn’t tell the...

2
1

Profile photo of Viner Cent Tutoring: Student having severe testing problems. Help?

So, I am tutoring in math, and until now I only had to deal with technical problems of students, not psychological ones. I am going to give you some background. I am tutoring a sixth grader, he is 12 years old, here in...

0
2

Profile photo of Viner Cent The Downer of the Now

Here and now, the present moment, is a limited time fragment sandwiched between two eternities.One is the past. The other is the future. Some of you will say these eternities are illusions, that they don’t exist,...

1
25

Profile photo of Trina [HE 30 Day Challenge] April 2015 – Project or Skill

Hello good people! This month’s challenge is going to be different from the others in two ways: The nature of this challenge will allow you to actually show your progress throughout the month, making it more useful...

96
3

Profile photo of Try Me Playa Going Mute

Today I realized that I didn’t need to talk anymore. There wasn’t anything I really needed to say. So starting tomorrow my friend and I were having this discussion and I will be going mute tomorrow for 30...

6
4

Profile photo of Magus Shared account to save on Lumosity?

Hi, so I just got into Lumosity and it would be great to do long term. The only thing is that its expensive, about 70 dollars a year for one person. But they offer a family plan thats 120 dollars a year for five...

71
1

Profile photo of Viner Cent How do you know what to do in your life?

Hi guys, i’ve got some problem with life :P I don’t know what to do in my life: now i’m studying(computer engineering) but don’t know if i want to get a job as engineer. I have a lot of hobby and...

3