need some help, cant tell if im destroying my relationship or if its falling apa
Some background info
We’ve been together for 9 and a 1/2 months
I went to florida for 3 weeks around month 4 and she said she didnt mind if i hooked up with other girls, pretty cool i thought. I didnt want to though and i told her that
when i came back things seemed different. the passion and intimacy were less and it was moving towards just a friendship.
Im depressed a lot and it affects my relationships with all people and every couple of months with this chick and i feel like i have to fight with her to reinstall some passion. she goes to college and its kind of long distance so we go weeks without seeing each other and we talk and text a lot, about boring stuff like school and work.
i love her for who she is and she doesnt believe me. she thinks i think im in love
She thinks it takes time to fall in love, which is fine but I think she is just saying that as an excuse. I cant tell though.
Anyways I had another fight with her and I tried to keep it civil and just tell her I was feeling left alone and that she was just treating me like a friend instead of a boyfriend, which I have a problem with due to being friendzoned so many times in high school by girls that I was attracted too. I just wanted to know where I stood with her, and she refused to tell me straight out and after about an hour of her not saying anything confirmative and me being mad she said she was tired and I was stressing her out and that she would come over today.
I already asked her to come over today and she said she wanted to settle in with her family first due to it being her first day back from college.
Today I told her she didn’t have to come over. Don’t ditch your family for me I said.
Basically I think everything I’m doing is wrong, I question almost every action and thing I say, but I know this girl means a lot to me and if I can work it out I want to.
Before people say that relationships are a bad idea to begin with, I know. But I’m in this one and I want to see it through.
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What it all really comes down to is.. don’t try too hard. Don’t dwell too deep into questions. Let go of the past (even the immediate past) and focus on the Now. It obviously makes her uncomfortable talking about it, so just drop it as far as badgering her with questions that she doesn’t know how to answer. Its good that you’re trying to be civil in your arguments, but it would be better if you tried avoiding the arguments all together. Just take one babystep at a time and do what you can to make HER happy and to make YOU happy. If she’s not into it anymore, then she’s not worth your time. She has to like you for you.
Yeah true, all good points. I’m starting to think what it was, was that my needs were being met and other factors in my life just suck. stuff I feel I have no control over, so maybe I took it out on her. Sometimes it seems like she’s so in love with me that nothing could ever come between us, other times it seems like she’s just your typical mind game player.
From experience I think it is best to not question the feelings or motives of your partner unless they are doing something very harmful to themselves or you. Just take it one day at a time, be in the very moment when you see and talk to her. By that I mean don’t think about the past or future whatsoever don’t let your thoughts fog up your mind let all that clear up and you will have a better understanding of the relationship. (: I hope everything works out for the best!!