No More Mr Nice Guy

2 years, 3 months ago

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover

I’m reading it now and it’s fascinating. I’m not as much of a nice guy as some of the examples but I definitely try to please people, try to do the right thing and often feel resentful about it all.

‘Dr. Robert Glover has dubbed the “Nice Guy Syndrome” trying too hard to please others while neglecting one’s own needs, thus causing unhappiness and resentfulness. ‘

I think a lot of guys on here can relate and are the new age sensitive type. For me when I try to do everything right and be nice to people I simply don’t feel like a man, there’s no driving life force behind me and I want to change that. I think when we try to do things right and always adopt proper values on things we’re really just trying to avoid conflict but it sucks the personal power right out of you, men have evolved to be running around the plains hunting and fucking why the hell am I trying to please people for and be nice? I should be the only person I’m working to please. Now don’t take this to the extreme and say that this is why nations are impoverished and all that bull shit because it’s not like that at all, it’s simply putting yourself first so that you can then become whole and give to others when you want to instead of thinking you ‘have to.’

Has anyone else read this book? Or can relate? I’d like to hear about how to reclaim my manhood and personal power. We’re men lets be men.

If you disagree and just want to rant I don’t care and won’t respond.

December 15, 2012 at 12:54 pm

You must sign in or join to reply!

1
Profile photo of forover100years forover100years (@forover100years) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@oldschool, I’m going to be honest, i’m not a nice guy. Atleast not in the sense that you speak of. Part of my job entails ‘customer service’. Alot of these guys sit there and smile and try to be as happy as goddamn possible. And frankly, i don’t give a shit. Don’t get me wrong, i do my job very well, but i’m not going to smile in your face if you come up with an attitude. I don’t try to avoid personal conflict. If it does arise I deal with it appropriately. I’ve been in this line of work for 4 years now, and I started out getting yelled at by supervisers who would pussy foot around with our customers trying to be people pleasers. Eventually a persona was built up for me as a no bullshit kind of guy. I had other supervisors recommend me for higher positions and described me as “The most confident person they have.” People are going to treat you how you act. You can be the nice guy and get walked all over. Or you can reek of confidence and become a go to individual.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of Aqua Aqua (@aquapietasflamma) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@oldschool, There is no pleasing people, been there, done that. Just be yourself. People that give you shit, just give them shit right back, people that are nice, be nice to them in return. Now at your job I don’t think it’d be wise to be as blunt but you get the idea. Yes?

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of oldschool oldschool (@oldschool) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@aquapietasflamma, I never really got the whole just be yourself thing, just do whatever I want to do and say whatever I feel like saying?

[Hidden]
1

Start boxing and you wont be afraid of conflict anymore.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

You can be kind without being a pushover. My male friends (and the guy I like) are people I respect. Assholes are not pleasant people to be around, and neither are wisps of air who fume over the fact that they’re “several vertebrae short of a backbone.”

Quote: http://www.economist.com/node/21542180

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of Aqua Aqua (@aquapietasflamma) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@oldschool, Ever watch the movie Office Space? Anyways, dalniente is absolutely right though, you can be kind without being a pushover. I feel like without some kind of good example for you to observe this conversation will keep going into circles though…

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of oldschool oldschool (@oldschool) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

I’ll have to rewatch office space.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of Max Nachamkin Max Nachamkin C (@feren6) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@oldschool, Yes! This book opened my eyes to the ways I was acting in my past and why I was so unhappy.

I’d say yes to things I really didn’t want to do because I didn’t want people to not like me.

Hah, funny right?

The kicker: saying No to things you don’t actually want to do demonstrate your values. When you start speaking your mind and disagreeing when you actually disagree (respectfully, of course) people start to respect you. When you are a ‘Nice Guy’, people don’t take you seriously..hence the unattractiveness to females.

It’s more important to be a Good Guy, someone who:
1. Wants to do things for the greater good of humanity
2. Genuinely cares about helping people without expecting anything in return
3. Trusts his value in the world
4. Speaks his mind

Assholes suck, and that’s why at first I didn’t want to speak my mind. I didn’t want to make it known that my opinion was better than anyone else’s.

It took me a while to figure that out, and it doesn’t make you an asshole if you speak your mind for the greater good.

I literally just wrote up an article on this (shameless plug) at http://www.innergladiator.com/nice-guys/ , but this is one of the most important topics that EVERY man needs to internalize: Nice guys are not actually nice.

Great book, and if you’re a guy who grew up without a solid father/male mentor figure please do yourself a favor and read this book.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of MichaelO MichaelO (@michaelo) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

This…. THIS… This book is awesome! No, seriously, I read this book some time ago – when I was having a bad time of my life, because I wasn’t happy about myself AT ALL – and this book “saved” me, or at least it helped me change for the better.

I could – and sometimes I still can – relate to the NGS because when I was reading the book, it was like he was describing my personality when he described Nice Guys!
I resented a lot of people because of the expectations I had after I helped somebody and they didn’t “return the favor”. This book was part of the help I needed to direct myself towards a path that I liked better – HE was part of it, too. I’ve always wanted to change but I just needed the “hints” on how to begin.

Another thing I’ve learned from this homepage is that it’s wise to have no expectations of getting something in return from your actions, because this can and will leave you bitter and resentful when they aren’t returned.

Again, if anyone thinks that this NGS sounds like them, read this book and if you really mean it, it can help you change for the better.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of Fernando Fernando (@fpalazuelos1) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

Definitely must read this book, thank you @oldschool

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of Kforkonner Kforkonner (@kwelch5528) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@aquapietasflamma, completely agree with you idea! and I follow it! if you treat me with respect and kindness I will do the same thing back. If you come onto me as a selfish whiny person I will not give you any respect because it is not my business to please you. Only you can choose if your life is good. Don’t go expecting people to take care of you 24/7.

[Hidden]
1
Profile photo of pat pat (@epath) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@oldschool, Could you explain what you mean about being “nice?” Because it seems to me that yes some people are too nice, but this can also be manipulative. They are so, so nice in order to make themselves irreplaceable. But it seems to me that maybe you’re confusing nice with being a pushover. There is nothing wrong with being a decent person with good values. Only you can decide what those are; they are your values, and you will have to live with them to be a principled person.

[Hidden]
Reply to this topic
Click here to join the our site-wide 30 Day Dream Journaling Challenge! Challenge Yourself

More Posts Like This

1

Profile photo of Campfirecowboy Where do you go?

When you die, where do you go? I mean sure you no longer interact with that which is (depending on your perspective)…but where do “you” go. Is it possible for you to escape the cosmos…and if yes...

6
1

Profile photo of Summer Traveling on a budget?

I’m a broke ass college student but I NEED to leave this city this summer. Maybe pack up the car or save up enough for a one way ticket? Anybody else feeling restless? Any tips on how to travel VERY cheap? thanks...

0
1

Profile photo of nicht The Big Bang Theory Is Wrong

Every single individual atom is alive with a unique consciousness Your mind is the ruler of these atoms, whatever you think attracts certain atoms with a similar vibration and motivates them to carry on life processes...

19
1

Profile photo of Heart Before Mind Lucid dreaming books

Anybody have any suggestions for a lucid dreaming book for a beginner?

0
1

Profile photo of optimystic Book Slop

Introduction We have trouble telling the truth on a number of occasions, and resisting the arrest of our lies has become increasingly difficult over the years. It’s become taboo to speak our minds, and it’s become...

0
3

Profile photo of Franco Lucien Null Physics

So, from what I have learned in the past year the concept of nothing exists in relation to the concept of something. If nothing exists, then something therefore must exist. And if something exist, vice versa, nothing...

20
1

Profile photo of boobookitty Meditation

What is Vipassana? I want know more about it

1
1

Profile photo of Franco Lucien New Fitness Instagram biggy_bates

Hey guys, this is kind of stupid but I just made an Instagram page for my fitness journey. One of my goals is to make it big in the fitness world and Instagram is great when it comes to publicity. It’s also kind of...

1
1

Profile photo of Mouthful of Diamonds I Need Help Finding Quality Spiritual Literature

Hello everyone, I’m currently writing a piece of fiction whose story revolves around three spiritual topics: the chakras, yin and yang or polarity/duality, and the godhead or Tao. I have found a variety of...

8
48

Profile photo of Ryan [HE 30 Day Challenge] March ’15 – Dream Journaling!

Is everyone super zen from last month’s meditation challenge? I hope so :) The challenge for March is dream journaling! Dream journaling is the practice of writing down your dreams immediately upon waking (before...

110
4

Profile photo of Deepa I Want To Learn To Accept Myself

I feel a lot of my social anxiety and problems stem from a lack of acceptance of myself. I think I’m awesome, fun to be around, and a good person, but I just don’t accept myself. I would say I lack a bit of...

7
1

Profile photo of Deepa Ever spent hours trying to find something do?

I usually am a very decisive person. Though I occasionally find it very difficult to find an activity that suits my interests when I’m in the mood of doing something fun. I recently discovered a very good app for...

3
3

Profile photo of sian Sexual/Emotional Chemistry – Why is this so hard to find?

So prior to meeting someone in person I had already developed an immediate connection with them online. It was 2 hours of back and forth jibber jabber (nothing serious, just friendly discussion as if we have been friends...

5
1

Profile photo of Shawn Musharbash addrena ADD

hi, I’m first time user of addrena and wanted to know how many tablets I need to take to get that adderal high type feeling?

0
1

Profile photo of TJR Does everything we do ripple across the universe?

I often wonder if through all the song lyrics and every passage in a book that seems to transforms into a voice sitting infront of me, staring me in the eyes, and talking to me alone in the world, I wonder if that voice...

0