Me and my partner have recently decided we are going to have an open relationship. We are very happy with each other and have complete confidence in our relationship but want to explore a different type of relationship.
I have been in an open relationship and personally believe that they do not work very well. Once you start setting rules to a relationship, one party starts to deny their true feelings and emotions to abide by these rules. I don’t know your relationship so I can’t speak on your behalf, but in my experience, open relationships usually begin “mutual” and end with one party feeling really hurt. I feel that in open relationships, one person is not 100% committed and has doubts but isn’t ready to pull the trigger and break up with the other, and the other person agrees because they don’t want to lose what they have left.
All i have to say is be careful and communicate.
What sort of ground rules have you put in place?
Just know you’re playing with fire. It’s possible to do, but usually someone isn’t okay with it.
If you are in a relationship where you feel the need to have other partners to fullfil your sexual/emotional/physical needs, you shouldn’t be in that relationship. Straight up.
I think you can argue both ways, (see the following thread with an in depth discussion), the only way to find out if it’s truly what you both want is to try it out. This of course involves a risk.
|Obviously, you’re not a golfer|
@lozzjd, What happens if one of you falls in love with another partner?
@lozzjd, congratulations, I wish you guys the best :) I don’t believe in monogamy.. so I think what you’re doing is awesome. But what are your ground rules? I steered myself away from monogamy bc the rules are very unnatural, and ultimately end up leading to guilt, shame, jealousy, possessiveness, etc.. So, I’m curious as to what your rules are. I recently started talking to a female (I’m bi) who is polyamorous, which I think is great. I haven’t had any open relationships really myself, bc I don’t meet guys that are okay with it.
I’ve had a few of those, it was pretty nice.
Don’t complicate things, that defeats the purpose.
Don’t get attached, don’t overthink things, don’t give a shit. Just enjoy.
Hippie style fuck yeah!!
@lozzjd, you guys should just be friends and bang who ever you want. an open relationship isn’t a relationship… it’s two friends who do each other and have threesomes. that’s ridiculous. i suggest you guys break up. if you want to “see other people” and still be with each other and make rules…that’s selfish and pretty ignorant i think.
@ellesoul, just curious… how do you think it’s selfish & ignorant? I don’t understand how giving someone freedom would be selfish.
@ellesoul, I’m not really sure if you know what ignorant means. Rejecting something that you know nothing about is ignorant. Judging is mean.
@bobbylloydxd, i know about open relationships, i’ve had many friends who’ve been in them. so you know nothing about my life and experiences, and you just judged me…i won’t call you ignorant for that though. i’m simply stating my opinion. @emily since bobby doesn’t like the word ignorant, i won’t say that it is.
the reason i believe it’s selfish is simply because you’re fulfilling some sexual need you have, even though your partner may agree, you’re in a relationship… yeah you’re partner has freedoms, but why would you tell someone “sleep with who you want, but come home to me, make sure i know about it, i want to meet the person, i want to like them too..” to me it just seems like open relationships are about feeding YOUR needs, and still trying to keep the other person with you. isn’t that kind of selfish?
@bobbylloydxd, ps..i love this website, because i can display my opinion and have a friendly argument without being bashed and told to go somewhere else. i wasn’t calling the person ignorant. all i was saying is the thought of an open relationship is. once again..just my opinion.
@buddha, I have to agree with that. I discussed this option with my partner and he told me that one should think well about the consequences. Why the need for an “open relationship”? What does being in a relationship mean to you and what is really different between an open and an exclusive relationship? Can we fall in love with more people at the same time? Is it going to be fair to all parties? How different is it from polygamy??
This is basically about two people letting each other to be as selfish as they make it to be. Giving each other the freedom to be selfish. Isn’t that the deal? I’m also curious about these rules. If the couple is in an open relationship they must share that with other people, and have fun only if the others are okay with it. It won’t be only about the couple anymore when others are involved. I guess if those in open relationships find others in open relationships, it would work. You can’t exactly lie to someone that you’re single while you’re in an “open relationship”, unless you find people that love whores!
I’ve been in an open relationship. It was my first relationship, so I was reluctant and insecure about it (need I mention that it quickly became destructive?), but it was never equal which was why it failed of course. If both parts really are in it knowingly, and the relationship is strong at the root to begin with, and you’re good communicators, then perhaps there is a way for it to work. But then, as some have stated before me, why stay in the relationship? I’m not attempting to judge anyone, I’m just trying to grasp what would make you seek an open relationship. It could work. Good luck :)
@ellesoul, you do realize that you throw the word around loosely don’t you? It’s disrespectful to others opinions. I never judged you. I did notice that I’ve seen you “bash on” opposing ideas in both threads I’ve seen you in. Just wanted to see if you would be a bit more open minded and accepting.
@ellesoul, you said yourself that sex is only 5 percent of a relationship. Why do you make it the most sacred part that can never be shared? I hope you wouldn’t be jealous about your partner sharing their intellect with others. Why then their body? You are an advocate of a relationship being about much more than just sex, yet you bash the idea of an open relationship?
@kidvisions, Polygamy, to be technical, is when you have multiple spouses, like you’re actually “married” to more than one person. Polyamory is basically having more than one intimate partner.
I read this article recently—kind of spells out the lives of some that live that way. It’s pretty interesting. It really is possible :) http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2009/07/28/only-you-and-you-and-you.html
@beyond, haha! I like how you put it! I wonder what kind of rules would be in such a relationship?
@emily, There is polyandry as well, the opposite of polygamy… and for me they are the same, and not different from having open relationships. There are feelings of people involved, if you want to go wild don’t have a relationship… it’s kind of paradoxical, relationships are about commitment, open relationships are about not committing to one person, but to only committing to your desires and wants…
Wow a lot more negative reactions than I thought but that’s ok. There are not a lot of rules really it’s more the be open and honest to your partner and the person you are sleeping with so everyone is aware of what the situation is and no sleeping with each others friends.
Some not so great grammar there sorry writing fast on my phone
@ellesoul, in any relationship, monogamous or with multiple partners, you’re always looking to fulfull YOUR needs. Always. If your needs aren’t met, then there’s no point. If the other person isn’t okay with it, and you’re lying to them, that would be selfish. But loving someone, and wanting them to be happy, no matter what that entails, I think is extremely unselfish.
“sleep with who you want, but come home to me, make sure i know about it, i want to meet the person, i want to like them too..” < ----I wouldn't tell someone this. The dynamics of an open relationship are whatever the people that are involved decide for them to be.
@kidvisions, check out the article…people don’t always get hurt. People can be extremely happy that way.
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