Me and my partner have recently decided we are going to have an open relationship. We are very happy with each other and have complete confidence in our relationship but want to explore a different type of relationship.
We have had other partners with us in the bedroom and it has been a lot of fun, this seems to be the next step.
We are smart about it and have some ground rules in place and are planning on being very open with one another about how we feel and what we do.
Wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on this type of relationship – have you had one? are you in one? has it been good/ bad for your relationship.
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I have been in an open relationship and personally believe that they do not work very well. Once you start setting rules to a relationship, one party starts to deny their true feelings and emotions to abide by these rules. I don’t know your relationship so I can’t speak on your behalf, but in my experience, open relationships usually begin “mutual” and end with one party feeling really hurt. I feel that in open relationships, one person is not 100% committed and has doubts but isn’t ready to pull the trigger and break up with the other, and the other person agrees because they don’t want to lose what they have left.
All i have to say is be careful and communicate.
What sort of ground rules have you put in place?
I think you can argue both ways, (see the following thread with an in depth discussion), the only way to find out if it’s truly what you both want is to try it out. This of course involves a risk.
@lozzjd, congratulations, I wish you guys the best :) I don’t believe in monogamy.. so I think what you’re doing is awesome. But what are your ground rules? I steered myself away from monogamy bc the rules are very unnatural, and ultimately end up leading to guilt, shame, jealousy, possessiveness, etc.. So, I’m curious as to what your rules are. I recently started talking to a female (I’m bi) who is polyamorous, which I think is great. I haven’t had any open relationships really myself, bc I don’t meet guys that are okay with it.
@lozzjd, you guys should just be friends and bang who ever you want. an open relationship isn’t a relationship… it’s two friends who do each other and have threesomes. that’s ridiculous. i suggest you guys break up. if you want to “see other people” and still be with each other and make rules…that’s selfish and pretty ignorant i think.
@ellesoul, I’m not really sure if you know what ignorant means. Rejecting something that you know nothing about is ignorant. Judging is mean.
This is a forum for expanding horizons and trying new things. There are lots of places where you can discuss traditional beliefs and call everyone else names. Try church or facebook.
@bobbylloydxd, i know about open relationships, i’ve had many friends who’ve been in them. so you know nothing about my life and experiences, and you just judged me…i won’t call you ignorant for that though. i’m simply stating my opinion. @emily since bobby doesn’t like the word ignorant, i won’t say that it is.
the reason i believe it’s selfish is simply because you’re fulfilling some sexual need you have, even though your partner may agree, you’re in a relationship… yeah you’re partner has freedoms, but why would you tell someone “sleep with who you want, but come home to me, make sure i know about it, i want to meet the person, i want to like them too..” to me it just seems like open relationships are about feeding YOUR needs, and still trying to keep the other person with you. isn’t that kind of selfish?
@bobbylloydxd, ps..i love this website, because i can display my opinion and have a friendly argument without being bashed and told to go somewhere else. i wasn’t calling the person ignorant. all i was saying is the thought of an open relationship is. once again..just my opinion.
@buddha, I have to agree with that. I discussed this option with my partner and he told me that one should think well about the consequences. Why the need for an “open relationship”? What does being in a relationship mean to you and what is really different between an open and an exclusive relationship? Can we fall in love with more people at the same time? Is it going to be fair to all parties? How different is it from polygamy??
This is basically about two people letting each other to be as selfish as they make it to be. Giving each other the freedom to be selfish. Isn’t that the deal? I’m also curious about these rules. If the couple is in an open relationship they must share that with other people, and have fun only if the others are okay with it. It won’t be only about the couple anymore when others are involved. I guess if those in open relationships find others in open relationships, it would work. You can’t exactly lie to someone that you’re single while you’re in an “open relationship”, unless you find people that love whores!
I’ve been in an open relationship. It was my first relationship, so I was reluctant and insecure about it (need I mention that it quickly became destructive?), but it was never equal which was why it failed of course. If both parts really are in it knowingly, and the relationship is strong at the root to begin with, and you’re good communicators, then perhaps there is a way for it to work. But then, as some have stated before me, why stay in the relationship? I’m not attempting to judge anyone, I’m just trying to grasp what would make you seek an open relationship. It could work. Good luck :)
@ellesoul, you do realize that you throw the word around loosely don’t you? It’s disrespectful to others opinions. I never judged you. I did notice that I’ve seen you “bash on” opposing ideas in both threads I’ve seen you in. Just wanted to see if you would be a bit more open minded and accepting.
You just clearly demonstrated that you don’t understand the philosophy of an open relationship at all. Maybe if you get over yourself for a second you could learn something and grow a little bit.
@ellesoul, you said yourself that sex is only 5 percent of a relationship. Why do you make it the most sacred part that can never be shared? I hope you wouldn’t be jealous about your partner sharing their intellect with others. Why then their body? You are an advocate of a relationship being about much more than just sex, yet you bash the idea of an open relationship?
@kidvisions, Polygamy, to be technical, is when you have multiple spouses, like you’re actually “married” to more than one person. Polyamory is basically having more than one intimate partner.
I read this article recently—kind of spells out the lives of some that live that way. It’s pretty interesting. It really is possible :) http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2009/07/28/only-you-and-you-and-you.html
@beyond, haha! I like how you put it! I wonder what kind of rules would be in such a relationship?
I do not say that open relationships are a bad thing, they might please some people, but what meaning do they give to your life? What’s the purpose of having them? To have fun? Why not try having fun without hurting people (as @buddha, said, someone always end up being hurt)
@emily, There is polyandry as well, the opposite of polygamy… and for me they are the same, and not different from having open relationships. There are feelings of people involved, if you want to go wild don’t have a relationship… it’s kind of paradoxical, relationships are about commitment, open relationships are about not committing to one person, but to only committing to your desires and wants…
Wow a lot more negative reactions than I thought but that’s ok. There are not a lot of rules really it’s more the be open and honest to your partner and the person you are sleeping with so everyone is aware of what the situation is and no sleeping with each others friends.
It is not the case where one of us wants this more than the other – it is something both of us have discussed for over a year and are very excited about.
To the people who suggest we break up because we are just friends who want to have sex – this is not something you can make a call on as you are not in my relationship – we are very much in love and have an amazing relationship – sex doesn’t always mean love – it can mean fun.
I don’t understand how the rules came about in society that says ‘once you take a partner it is wrong to look at someone else or want to experience sexual gratification with anyone else but the person you have attached yourself to’. To me this doesn’t really feel natural.
If he falls in love with someone else or if I do for that matter than it happens – we have both spoken about what this means to us and it is not about forming relationships with others it is about having fun and not denying each other freedom – I don’t understand how that is selfish?
@ellesoul, in any relationship, monogamous or with multiple partners, you’re always looking to fulfull YOUR needs. Always. If your needs aren’t met, then there’s no point. If the other person isn’t okay with it, and you’re lying to them, that would be selfish. But loving someone, and wanting them to be happy, no matter what that entails, I think is extremely unselfish.
“sleep with who you want, but come home to me, make sure i know about it, i want to meet the person, i want to like them too..” < ----I wouldn't tell someone this. The dynamics of an open relationship are whatever the people that are involved decide for them to be.
@kidvisions, check out the article…people don’t always get hurt. People can be extremely happy that way.