Me and my partner have recently decided we are going to have an open relationship. We are very happy with each other and have complete confidence in our relationship but want to explore a different type of relationship.
We have had other partners with us in the bedroom and it has been a lot of fun, this seems to be the next step.
We are smart about it and have some ground rules in place and are planning on being very open with one another about how we feel and what we do.
Wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on this type of relationship – have you had one? are you in one? has it been good/ bad for your relationship.
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The thing with an open relationship is that both partners do what they please sexually but at the end of the day they chose to return to each other. I have a buddy who is in an open relationship and they’ve been like that for 15 years.
At first they were cool about it till things gotten too far, like phonecalls or text messages while interrupting the lovers leisure time when together. They set even more complex rules and they’re still going strong. In my opinion i don’t agree with open relationships cause it bombards the natural idea of love and what it should be. But I suppose love evolves in many ways as for gay and lesbian couples refining their own ways of what that may be. Like gay porn actors who are in relationships, yet are ok with fucking around with other men.
@emily, There is polyandry as well, the opposite of polygamy… and for me they are the same, and not different from having open relationships. There are feelings of people involved, if you want to go wild don’t have a relationship… it’s kind of paradoxical, relationships are about commitment, open relationships are about not committing to one person, but to only committing to your desires and wants…
@bobbylloydxd, Thanks man, I recently came across this site and its a pleasure to find like-minded people here. I actually have a personal blog, not sure if I can write a book of it :).
Here’s the link:
Feel free to comment on it or discuss any of its ideas with me.
@lesterdeguzman, I can see where you’re coming from. Though the only thing I’d say to it is that love is love. Some people have their own ways of loving and carrying themselves. It should never be considered “wrong” if it’s what they want. :)
Who knows what love would be today if those who decided to love the way they wanted weren’t so violently oppressed. In the past there was a lot of ‘conform or die’ type situations. People of the past were forced to live their lives a certain way. Who is to say what’s “natural?” :3 just my two cents
@ellesoul, I’m not really sure if you know what ignorant means. Rejecting something that you know nothing about is ignorant. Judging is mean.
This is a forum for expanding horizons and trying new things. There are lots of places where you can discuss traditional beliefs and call everyone else names. Try church or facebook.
@kindra2, you make a really good point there thank you for your input.
I am not saying that open relationships are better for everyone because monogamous relationships never work but for myself personally I think open will be better. Like you said it is about what a couple believe is right for them.
Wow a lot more negative reactions than I thought but that’s ok. There are not a lot of rules really it’s more the be open and honest to your partner and the person you are sleeping with so everyone is aware of what the situation is and no sleeping with each others friends.
It is not the case where one of us wants this more than the other – it is something both of us have discussed for over a year and are very excited about.
To the people who suggest we break up because we are just friends who want to have sex – this is not something you can make a call on as you are not in my relationship – we are very much in love and have an amazing relationship – sex doesn’t always mean love – it can mean fun.
I don’t understand how the rules came about in society that says ‘once you take a partner it is wrong to look at someone else or want to experience sexual gratification with anyone else but the person you have attached yourself to’. To me this doesn’t really feel natural.
If he falls in love with someone else or if I do for that matter than it happens – we have both spoken about what this means to us and it is not about forming relationships with others it is about having fun and not denying each other freedom – I don’t understand how that is selfish?
@deepak87, This is all very intriguing indeed, though you can be free within a relationship too, you just have to realize that control, exclusivity and power is actually an understanding, being there for someone despite them, knowing that they would be there too, faithfulness, trust, dedicating all your time when they need you and always coming back to you because they know what it is to have someone that close. The more “Freedom” you get, the less time you’ll have for everyone, while being in a normal relationship – you’ll have the time to benefit from having a friend too. How would you get close to more than just one person if you don’t have time for everyone? It seems like monogamy isn’t for everyone because it’s too difficult for them and it is rather obvious that people choose the easy ways of handling relationships. People who still believe in it and those people know what it is to build a strong connection, that would apply to your interests and is shared, which is not only sex-related and for having fun. Let’s be real, some people have more needs than they have time and they just like to be spoiled. There’s no need for a new open-minded system built on people’s endless excuses.
I feel like my point was overlooked. What would either of you do if you @lozzjd, @emily, if you were in a relationship and your partner got pregnant with another partner, or you got pregnant with another partner. It seems like the complications would be immense unless of course you got an abortion. Which may or may not be your choice.
@jblisstaz, Setting rules? Relationships already have rules-> don’t fuck someone else.
If one of you is emotionally attached to the partner with the rules of a traditional relationship, then one of you will get hurt. If you don’t give a shit and realize everyone is allowed to sleep with anyone they want, it’s fine.
I personally think anyone can fuck anyone they want. One may want to commit, but if the partner has sex with someone else, who cares? no need to be a cry baby
@bobbylloydxd, i know about open relationships, i’ve had many friends who’ve been in them. so you know nothing about my life and experiences, and you just judged me…i won’t call you ignorant for that though. i’m simply stating my opinion. @emily since bobby doesn’t like the word ignorant, i won’t say that it is.
the reason i believe it’s selfish is simply because you’re fulfilling some sexual need you have, even though your partner may agree, you’re in a relationship… yeah you’re partner has freedoms, but why would you tell someone “sleep with who you want, but come home to me, make sure i know about it, i want to meet the person, i want to like them too..” to me it just seems like open relationships are about feeding YOUR needs, and still trying to keep the other person with you. isn’t that kind of selfish?
I’m not sure if I could do the whole open relationship thing, just thinking about a dude getting intimate with my girl would kinda trip me up but that could be because of what I am conditioned to believe. I haven’t tried it and haven’t really heard of to many people trying it but like everyone else says good luck and let us know how it goes. On the flip side would you sleep with someone who was in a open relationship? I don’t think I would have a problem with that just wouldn’t want to be in one.
Ok so I thought I would give a bit of an update although it is a little earlier than I was planning to.
Things are going really well. We haven’t done a lot separately yet but what has happened so far has been fine :) both of us are still very happy in our relationship and are still very much in love.
So far there has not really been any issues with Jealousy as we are both being very honest with each other and as long as it stays that way I don’t see any issues arising any time soon.
I’ll get back to you all about it again in a few months time :)