Me and my partner have recently decided we are going to have an open relationship. We are very happy with each other and have complete confidence in our relationship but want to explore a different type of relationship.
We have had other partners with us in the bedroom and it has been a lot of fun, this seems to be the next step.
We are smart about it and have some ground rules in place and are planning on being very open with one another about how we feel and what we do.
Wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on this type of relationship – have you had one? are you in one? has it been good/ bad for your relationship.
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If you expect them to do what is more than they are willing to give, you’ll only be let down. Like @travisad said, let them know that there is never anything serious that will come from it. Hope all turns out well. We live and we learn.
@kidvisions, Polygamy, to be technical, is when you have multiple spouses, like you’re actually “married” to more than one person. Polyamory is basically having more than one intimate partner.
I read this article recently—kind of spells out the lives of some that live that way. It’s pretty interesting. It really is possible :) http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2009/07/28/only-you-and-you-and-you.html
maybe check this out guys – interesting http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/scienceshow/is-monogamy-unnatural3f/3818274
@lozzjd, I hate seeing the posts that say you guys should break up. I never understood that. It’s YOUR relationship and if that’s what you want then do it. What makes them think they have the right to decide that your relationship is any less real is beyond me.
@lozzjd, you guys should just be friends and bang who ever you want. an open relationship isn’t a relationship… it’s two friends who do each other and have threesomes. that’s ridiculous. i suggest you guys break up. if you want to “see other people” and still be with each other and make rules…that’s selfish and pretty ignorant i think.
@lozzjd, i think the thing to do is whatever makes YOU and YOUR PARTNER happy! i am personally not on board with open relationships, but it really doesn’t matter since the relationship doesn’t involve me. it all boils down to how people perceive sex, and if the fundamental beliefs that people have about sex match up. the thing that i most of all don’t agree with is that, most of the time, when people have a stance on something, they have to have something in their argument AGAINST something else e.g. gay marriage is bad because marriage between a man/woman is good. so the only thing that i would point out in your argument as being faulty is insinuating that open relationships are good because you’ve seen so many monogamous relationships end bad. so what? open relationships end bad too. sure, open and closed relationships may end because one partner wants more and the other doesn’t, but there are so many more factors involved in terms of why relationships fail.
@beyond, haha! I like how you put it! I wonder what kind of rules would be in such a relationship?
I do not say that open relationships are a bad thing, they might please some people, but what meaning do they give to your life? What’s the purpose of having them? To have fun? Why not try having fun without hurting people (as @buddha, said, someone always end up being hurt)
@beyond, As you mentioned, if the beliefs of the 2 parties align, then either way it would be a great experience. These ideologies seem to have different perks :). The perk of a monogamous relationship imo is the pleasure of exclusivity and power(control). That is a very powerful pleasure actually. Like would it be fun to buy a Rolls Royce if everyone in the city had the same? It also give both parties a sense of security (due to commitment). The flip side would be loss of freedom and communication cannot go that deep where you can reveal any desires that threaten the deal.
The pleasure of polygamy/polyandry could be the FREEDOM of expressing our true desires and could potentially result in a much deeper communication. But this freedom would remove the pleasure of exclusivity and control. Security would be another concern here. We are perennially looking for security even in our daily lives. Trying to find a house with a lease of 1 year, trying to get a job that at-least guarantees you one or two years etc.
An argument for the above might be, if both the people are at a high level of self development and are independent/open-minded/self-reliant and have a deep awareness of their beliefs, desires and the psyche, they could share a glorious relationship. That would require a fairly high level level of maturity, detachment and understanding.
But what percentage of people would be that developed? Where would you find them?
And the other issue is today’s society is entirely biased towards monogamy. Where would you meet your partners besides the few polygamous groups/community in the city?
There needs a new open-minded system that provides equal avenues and opportunities for both these choices. For people tilting towards polygamy, they would be at odds against the conditioning of the masses towards monogamy in the current system.
Personally, I would gravitate towards anything that leads to more freedom.
@kidvisions, A relationship built on unconditional love means you love them no matter what. In a monogamous relationship—everything comes crashing down if someone sleeps with someone else–so that’s very conditional isn’t it? There are conditions…and the biggest one being–you are confined to only one person’s genitalia, among the 7 billion others on the Earth….for something that we’re all hard wired to love doing.
Open relationships don’t legitimize cheating. “Cheating” is when you break the rules of the game in your favor for your own benefit. In a monogamous relationship, if someone sleeps with someone else (cheats), they’ve broken the agreed upon rules that the relationship was founded on. In an open relationship, it’s not a rule, so it’s not cheating. If someone would get hurt by someone they love sleeping with someone else, then obviously they just shouldn’t have an open relationship.
As for children? What difference would that make? Just because you have an open relationship doesn’t mean you’re going to be having orgies on the kitchen table in front of the kids. If you were a child whose parents were in an open relationship, you’d think that was normal. Just like children that are raised by gay couples think nothing of “being gay.” The only thing a child needs is a stable & loving environment. Kids aren’t socially conditioned like other adults, it’d actually be much easier for a child to be okay with than say breaking the news to someone’s parents. The article addresses having children also–I’ll try to paste the link again :) http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2009/07/28/only-you-and-you-and-you.html
@lozzjd, I agree… I believe that monogamy causes WAY more problems than it solves. I also agree that being open is much more realistic.
The thing with an open relationship is that both partners do what they please sexually but at the end of the day they chose to return to each other. I have a buddy who is in an open relationship and they’ve been like that for 15 years.
At first they were cool about it till things gotten too far, like phonecalls or text messages while interrupting the lovers leisure time when together. They set even more complex rules and they’re still going strong. In my opinion i don’t agree with open relationships cause it bombards the natural idea of love and what it should be. But I suppose love evolves in many ways as for gay and lesbian couples refining their own ways of what that may be. Like gay porn actors who are in relationships, yet are ok with fucking around with other men.
@emily, There is polyandry as well, the opposite of polygamy… and for me they are the same, and not different from having open relationships. There are feelings of people involved, if you want to go wild don’t have a relationship… it’s kind of paradoxical, relationships are about commitment, open relationships are about not committing to one person, but to only committing to your desires and wants…
@bobbylloydxd, Thanks man, I recently came across this site and its a pleasure to find like-minded people here. I actually have a personal blog, not sure if I can write a book of it :).
Here’s the link:
Feel free to comment on it or discuss any of its ideas with me.