Preparing for Ayahuasca
My wife and I have been preparing ourselves to undergo this experience for over a month now. We are just a week back from Jamaica where we drank mushroom tea (very light dose) and had a much needed rest. Before leaving for Jamaica I recieved in the mail the B. cappi vine and over 114 gm, of V. psychotria. My wife has been on SSRI’s for years and we are going to see if the healing properties of ayhuasca will help with her condition and give me more insight in my own journey. My wife has been weaning off the SSRI’s over the last six weeks and now has finally taken her last pill. In the next few weeks we will start our diet and reduce the food and activites that are contraindicated. Both of us are nervous.
We plan on taking a small dose the first night then double it up for the second night and go from there. We are not new to ethnogens but new to this medicine and hope it holds more than just a promise of healing.
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At 8:40 last night I drank a full cup of the vine tea (B. caapi) and followed it ten minutes later with a full cup of the leaf tea (P. viridis). After each cup I ate a small bite of fresh watermelon to clear the taste from my mouth. Almost instantly I felt my heart begin to race and I went to lie down in the room I had prepared. In just a few moments I felt a buzzing in my extremities. With the Icaros playing in the room I soon felt a coolness in my right shoulder and right wrist that moved to my upper chest. Sitting upright in my bed there was a buzzing that descended into my belly, a comfortable, pleasant feeling. I started to see small golden/green worm like beings swimming through the space around me and noticed that the Icaros I had been listening to had an added set of singing voices, a beautiful harmony so perfect in its execution. I thanked the Aya and asked to go deeper.
Around forty-five minutes into this I purged. I had the bucket between my legs as it seemed every vile thing in me came up, retching so that my whole being seemed to be nothing but the retching. This only lasted a few moments and then was past.
At this point my visions became much clearer. I was in a rain forest, dense and verdant. There were huge leaves of palmetto and ferns interspersed with golden green feathers. The worms now started to appear larger and more snake-like. The background began to fill with reptilian eyes and the eyes of unknown beast. Patterns of crocodilian and snake skin moved through my vision. It was all with an overwhelming sense of beauty and awe, there was no fear but a sense of gratitude. Again I thanked the Aya and asked to go further.
Soon I found myself in front of a huge river with all of life flowing past me in a raging torrent. On the other side giant snakes twisted and danced in the air. Coiling and sliding in an intricate dance. I watched un-afraid. In an instant one grew to encompass everything in my field of vision and came straight at me with an open mouth and it swallowed me whole. As I slid down its gullet I saw the spine and many ribs pass by me with great rapidity. After a time I began to see faces emerging, thousands of ghost and souls. They seemed to be studying me and watching for my reaction to what was occurring. I thanked them and asked to go deeper.
I saw a door with light, a golden light coming from around its edges. On the side of the door were the ten thousand faces of the Buddha, from their midst arose and came forth the Amithaba Buddha of infinite light. Through its outline I saw infinite space and around it a golden light. I was enveloped by it and felt overwhelming peace and love. At this point I heard the voice of Ayahuasca startling clear and it said “These visions mean nothing for you”.
The visions fell away. I thanked the vine of souls and the characuna for their gift and asked to go deeper still. For a long time, what seemed like many hours I was disembodied and part of a great kaleidoscope of light and color that I cannot fully put into words. There were flowers of indescribable nature, the singing of a chorus of thousands and I saw the golden threads that connects us all to everything and was a part of it all.
At some point I became aware again of being a man and my dog spoke to me and told me to rise up. As I did I felt the need to purge my bowels and made my way to the restroom. When I finished my dog again spoke to me to come with him outside. We went into the front yard and it was now midnight straight up. I took a small milking stool and sat on the front walk with my feet in the grass and thought this must be over now. But as I looked down I saw the infinite universe in grass before me and under my feet. Celestial clouds and a multitude of twinkling stars spread out before me. I purged again. Looking up I saw the full moon through the forest canopy and felt clean and alive. Then my dog told me to come back inside so I followed him back to my room and again lay down in the bed to listen to the music of the Icaros.
Suddenly and with great clarity I heard the voice again booming throughout “All she wants is to be held!”
I broke into tears of joy and knew this was what I was seeking. This is what I needed to hear. And again I thanked the Aya spirit as I wept with joy and understanding. In what seemed only a few moments I heard the voice again laughing at me and it said softly yet very clearly “You’re silly! All your plans and protocols! You do not need to do this again!” I too began to laugh and was filled with an understanding of the ridiculousness of my approach to life!
The voice told me, more like I was directed to go and thank my friend who is a shaman for his being there for me. I arose and went to the computer and emailed him.
I WAS TOLD TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND STRENGTH.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND FOR YOUR LIGHT
THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU
PEACE AND LIGHT AND LOVE
I next posted to this forum as you read in the above post.
I lay down for a while longer and after what seemed like hours I went to my wife and lay with her in the bed as I wrapped myself around her. She asked me if everything was ok and I told it was fine, that I had come to hold her. She made room for me as I eased in beside her and our three dogs. She asked if it was over and if I found what I was looking for and I told her yes then went on to describe what had happened. She looked at the clock and said it was only twelve-thirty in the morning and asked again if I was ok. I assured her I was and that things were going to be different and that I was here for her and always would be. She said she sensed a great calming in my arms as we lay together in the early morning. After a short time I told her I was going for a walk with the dog in the moonlight and when I returned I would finish sleeping in the other room as to not disturb her. We kissed and I arose.
I took a short walk in the moonlight then returned home and ate a small bite or two of the watermelon then lay down on the couch and soon drifted off. At some point my wife awoke me and I moved to the far bedroom and turned off the Icaros and drifted off to sleep until I awoke around nine-thirty in the morning feeling rested but worn.
Today I will take it easy and snack and nap as I see fit. Not seeing the need to go any farther at this point I will put the Aya away in a cool dark place until I feel a need or a direction to do otherwise, but for now I am done.
An atheist huh? I don’t think that will last with Ayahuasca.
I also am not sure about the half dose at first then a full dose the second night. I would go with the full dose. The most beautiful healing comes from this approach, where as a slow “testing the waters” will only make you accustomed to it slightly more, allowing for less learning, less shifting to take place.
We learn the most under extreme situations, which is inevitable with this substance. Once you are familiar with ayahuasca, less learning will take place. I encourage you to go all the way the first time.
You seem to know, and I also know, that you will be completely safe on your departure and return to this realm. Have no fear, have no doubt, and take the leap.
Much love and respect from me, and I give you good wishes for your journey, traveller!
Wow. You have the courage of a thousand men, and the ability to use it wisely. I’m glad you saw what you needed, and I’m glad you had the favor of the aya.
What a wonderful story.
I love this! That understanding, the holding of your wife. What a beautiful thing.
@docpaleo, First off, you have balls. I watched an educational show on Discovery Channel or something about Ayahuasca. This is gonna sound really vague and stupid but there’s a guy that has a place where he has a shaman and brings people there for “therapy”. He does it for free. He talks to them, listens to their story, and then takes care of them and makes sure they are ok while tripping. It’s amazing what drugs like that can do. One woman had been raped several times by family members I think and was forced to have an abortion when she was really young. While tripping on ayahuasca at this place, she saw her baby and talked to her. It just blew my mind. GOOD LUCK!!! I want to hear about your experience!!!!
@docpaleo This is one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever heard. Your approach, the clarity, every word dripping with truth and love. I’m so happy you got the peace you were seeking, and I’m again sorry your wife wasn’t able to join you.
I have been looking forward to hearing your update, so thank you friend for being committed to the group and being able to share openly with us your entire experience.