Question about friends.
What do you do when people you used to feel pretty connected to or want around often just don’t do it for you anymore? When I’m hanging out with my friends(with the exception of a few), I would rather be hanging out with myself or just my roommate(best friend).
These people are all nice, cool, funny people. But they don’t inspire me or challenge me to think but once in a great while, the music they listen to pains my very soul, 9 times out of 10, I don’t find their conversations interesting, and getting drunk gets really fucking boring after a while… The thing is, my roommate is still pretty good friends with them so I see them often. They usually say things like “are you gonna actually hang out this time?” It just feels awkward because a lot of the time when Die Antwoord or Skrillex comes on the speakers I go back to my room to play some instruments with my boyfriend which could be considered rude since they came to hang out and I’m leaving the room. I feel sorta bad but I don’t really know what to do. Is there a solution other than leaving the apartment when I know they’re going to come over?
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@tangledupinplaid21, take this with the salt of an old friend.
I have found that it is only particularly fun to hang out with friends… when YOU can consider them friends. It makes no matter to your world if YOU do not see them as friends. Your roommate is a friend, your boyfriend could be a friend, but if YOU don’t register them as friends in the mind… they will never be more than acquaintances you have already figured out you will do fine without.
The probability of writing individuals off as useless to you rises in direct relation to your level of ‘depth in perception’ of the world around you. YOU see more YOU know more YOU do more. When the people around you do not coincide with this inner-teaching and growing of self… you eventually don’t want them around. Most of all, if you feel anxiety in your OWN HOME over these ‘friends’ YOU don’t even consider FRIENDS in your own mind… step outside and go for a walk, meet new people. MAKE NEW FRIENDS… you find and make YOUR FRIENDS.
Music is an escape certainly, but to continue to escape every day… to feel naked and alone/annoyed in your own house. To feel as if nobody can understand you for one damn moment. You need time to YOURSELF. Time to THINK and wonder and question. TIME to PIECE the puzzle pieces together. Just because you have every puzzle piece… does not mean you have a beautiful picture. You need to take the time and weigh the pieces and place them where they need to go. This is how you build.
The awesomeness of true friendship is impressive… I have seen it save a brother. Save a family. Save a love. Decision’s and action are a way to deal with issues. Decide to see things for what they are, and keep your actions cool, calm and collected. Even though from time to time the world around you will not allow for this style of ‘life progression’ and you might just wanna go CRAZAY on everything…
If you have expressed this to your roommate and this still happens… I would reconsider my roommate for the position of friendship. If you haven’t… then why not? Is he your friend?
Don’t feel so ostracized from the intellectuals. If you are an intellectual, the true intellectuals will find you. Regardless of all of the above…
There is always someone out there who more intelligent than you. Same with people who are less. It is up to you to decide just how much this matters to you… and where you want these people in your life. Close, far, friendships, love, acquaintance… Giving yourself to the neediness of others will simply destroy the inner self control you have. You create nothing but cognitive dissonance in your life. And sadly, thanks to Freud we know that the repetitive nature of pleasure is filled with ways to NEGATIVELY reinforce your HAPPINESS.
It seems intellectual compatibility is a strong requirement. You just have to be open to give yourself the time to DEFINE that requirement… for YOU.
Stop hurting YOURSELF by not expressing WHAT YOU NEED. This falls under DO WHAT YOU WANT. But I bet you know damn well that doing what YOU want has its moral, public, private and situational restrictions. (which is why I feel ok saying it that.)
If you want an intellectual conversation. You know where to find it. And you probably know whom with.
“Unexpressed Emotions Will Come Forth Later In Uglier Ways.” – You
Just don’t hang out with them as often.
If they come to hang out with your friend, then they come out to hang with out your friend. You don’t have to be there, if you’re there it’s just a bonus. And vice versa.
If people take offense when you leave the room it’s their issues. And in my opinion, that doesn’t sound like a very respectful friendship, if you can’t just be laidback and do what you want around eachother.
If they get pissy when you leave, ignore it, it’s their problem yknow.
Besides, what’s the point of having friends if they just bring you down?
Do what you want. If you want to leave the room, just leave the room. If they don’t mind, cool, problem solved. If they stop liking you because of it, cool, problem solved.
If so, they weren’t really genuine friends, were they?
How about finding taking up a new hobby and finding a new set of friends? That way, when they come over, you could have made plans with these other friends. You could alternatively join some sort of society (a debating team or something along those lines) which means you’d be in your room doing something productive and with a reason.
I know the feeling when you’re stuck with some people you don’t really find to be great company (about 98% of my own friends) but you either take it as a learning experience and learn from it, challenge yourself in how to deal with these people or you leave them!
With regard to the music taste, do you understand it? With regard to Skrillex, I used to hate that music until I understood it and found an appreciation for it and the effect it can have on the mind.
@tangledupinplaid21, It seems that you have evolved into a different person than they did when you say that you use to connect with them pretty well. That is a good thing! You are developing in your own unique way, and now you realize that those interests and values you used to share are not the same anymore. See it is as eye opener for you, a lifestyle that you do not want to live anymore, you have been transformed into another person and they remained the same.
I have been in similar situations as well, moving out to a different place in search for my own interests I have been able to let certain life patterns go. Maybe it is not a solution for you to move out, but it will for sure make things easier. If you are constantly confronted with an environment that you do not want to be part of, it is a lot more difficult to create your own identity forming your own path.
Anyway, if moving out is not an option, just do your own things however possible. See it as a challenge that despite them having fun, despite the fact that you feel some kind of attachment to them and/or their behavior, follow your own believes, persist, be strong in following the path you believe is good for you. In the end you will see that by following their path, and their behavior, simply because of the reason that certain fears are holding you of from doing it differently, will not lead you to the place you want to reach. And why would you do that? Why would you follow a path to a place you do not want to reach?
It can be difficult, but remember that in the end those people who do not respect you as the person you are, are not worth your energy. Do not see this is something selfish, because the other way around the same applies. If you are not on the same line together, than it will only stagnate both of your developments, so it is only for the good of both if you both choose your own path.