Radical Honesty

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Avatar of Seth
Seth (@seth)    3 years, 5 months ago

Ok so I’m going to lift an idea off a TV show I watch. So what? It’s a good show. Jordan decided to try the Love Experiment and saw some nice results. I’m in the mists of it now and it does help. His experiment inspired me to try another. Radical Honesty. I’m going to try to be radically honest in all my interactions in this coming week. I will tell that girl she is cute. I won’t make excuses about anything. If something is on my mind and it isn’t (too) hurtful, it’s going to be known.

Good idea? Yes? No? Possible consequences?
Any others with the courage to be completely honest?

0 votes, posted 02.13.2011 at 1:16 am
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Avatar of Bryan Hellard
Bryan Hellard (@xyver)3 years, 5 months ago ago

Hmmm…. I’ll join you slightly… I usually keep my thoughts to myself… But when I do share them they will be 100% honest.

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Anonymous (@)3 years, 5 months ago ago

Radical honesty? Whooo….This should get good…let me know how it goes. If you don’t get slapped… I may give it a go.
Honest? ok but Radical Honesty? Hmmm… can’t wait to hear how this goes.
;p

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Alex Eastman (@alex)3 years, 5 months ago ago

I’m honest about anything that is brought into the open… but I’m not going to be thinking “God, take a shower dumbass” then say, “God, take a shower dumbass.” haha.

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Avatar of Jordan Lejuwaan
Jordan Lejuwaan (@jordan)3 years, 5 months ago ago

I’m on board with you Seth. Sounds really interesting AND fun. If all else fails you could say you’re doing a group experiment with radical honesty haha. I’ve tried this from time to time before and had some great results. People respond well when they know you’re speaking from the heart.

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Avatar of Jordan Lejuwaan
Jordan Lejuwaan (@jordan)3 years, 5 months ago ago

Seems like this 7 day experiment theme could become big on HE. Maybe I should create a sidebar widget showing the experiment of the week or month?

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Anonymous (@)3 years, 5 months ago ago

@Jordan, I like the idea of the experiment of the week. I’m usually pretty honest. In fact, I’m known among my friends for being radically blunt. But maybe I could kick it up a notch. I’ll think about it… Anyway, good luck, and I can’t wait to hear how it goes!

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Avatar of Cat
Cat (@catalina)3 years, 5 months ago ago

I think you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. I suffer from a chronic need to tell the truth and I can tell you it’s not fun. Over the years I’ve resolved to not talking much, since my other option would be lying. and I hate lying and resent even more feeling forced to lie. Of course it depends on what your inner thoughts are.If you’re a positive person and you can’t wait to tell everyone how much you appreciate them (Validation-brilliant) then go for it, the world will be a better place. But if you’re more on the ‘what the hell is wrong with you?!’ side, then sure, experiment, it will definitely give you food for thought.
If you’re a typical HE reader (childless under 35-year-old) then I’m looking forward to reading how your relationships have improved because of your talking about sex every 3 minutes (apparently, that’s how often men think of sex).
Here’s an article I found quite entertaining. It includes an interview with the guy who came up with the concept of radical honesty (for some reason he makes me think Hunter S. Thompson).

http://www.esquire.com/features/honesty0707-5

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Avatar of Jordan Lejuwaan
Jordan Lejuwaan (@jordan)3 years, 5 months ago ago

@Cat, you’re right about that one. This experiment is going to differ greatly depending on how positive the participant is. Now that I think about it, choosing to say everything out loud is a GREAT way to start monitoring your thoughts! If you don’t want to say it out loud, you probably shouldn’t be thinking it :)

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Avatar of CJV
CJV (@somuch2say)3 years, 5 months ago ago

similar to what jordan and cat said, I think this depends solely on your persepctive. I also think that in many cases this experiment can go against the purpose of the love experiment.If all your actions are through love and in love then you would know inside that telling some people the blunt and honest truth would hurt them, And when acting in love, you wouldn’t want to do that… I read the article that Cat wrote. It felt uncomfortable reading it because of its implications. Using radical truth means hurting others feelings. I’m very conflicted about this concept, but in the best way possible. It really gets you thinking. ….

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Anonymous (@)3 years, 5 months ago ago

People get offended too easily. I’ve never been hurt by the truth in the long run. Personally, I’ve always appreciated honesty.

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Avatar of Seth
Seth (@seth)3 years, 5 months ago ago

Ok so
Day 1. Meh. I said what was on my mind more but I have a difficult time being rude or breaking norms. I was also working at Applebee’s and I have to be nice to customers. Hopefully tomorrow will be more productive.

I love the idea of weekly experiments. Egle may be on to something there Jordan. Weekly homework assignments to invest more into this little community. Almost sounds like a certain club I’m not suppose to talk about.

I read that article Cat. It was very interesting and I can see how the author ran into road blocks. I also started looking into Brad Blanton. He seems like an interesting guy and his ideas are very intriguing. I like Jordan’s perceptive of using radical honesty as a thought screener.

CJV I know what you mean. Not telling the truth does seem like the more loving thing to do. The other side of the argument (I’m not sure which side I stand on yet) is that the more loving thing to do is tell the truth because the as Egle says, and Brad Blanton argues, the truth is more helpful. It “sets you free” as the saying goes. Would you want a person to be fake with you? The kind of fakeness that is just unsettling because you both know what is happening but your just following social norms. Or would you want honesty that has the potential to bring you and this other person closer?

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Martijn Schirp (@martijn)3 years, 5 months ago ago

I think key with this is how well you emphatize with the people you come in conflict with when you tell the truth. If you’re able to identify with, understand their situation, feelings and motives AND (!!) they are able to understand where you are coming from both parties could see the benefits. I have the same thing as Egle because I could often see where they are coming from, if they were right I had to accept the facts, if they were wrong we could find out why they would think something like that, and ofcourse sometimes this takes time. It always struck me that when two people were radically honest towards eachother they form a much closer bond, it always reminds me when Timothy Leary takes LSD with an inmate (In general these sessions don’t go too well). First thing the inmate said: ‘I’m afraid if you doc’. Timothy goes on to say ‘Im afraid of you’. They both bursted out laughing and the whole session was a blast.

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Avatar of Seth
Seth (@seth)3 years, 5 months ago ago

I was also thinking about the rules of this because it is too vague for me right now. Either you say everything that is on your mind or you just be honest about anything that you say. From what I’ve read, Brad Blanton advocates saying everything on your mind. This makes you honest with everything, including ourselves. Blanton thinks our culture has a serious self-deception problem.

I’m already mostly honest about things are that already being talked about. I could improve on that, see what happens. I just get the feeling it wouldn’t change much of anything. Thoughts?

Saying everything on that comes to mind is…radical. Is it even possible though? I’d like to keep my job. I would also feel kind of like creeper, an asshole or both at times. What do you guys think?

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Avatar of Jordan Lejuwaan
Jordan Lejuwaan (@jordan)3 years, 5 months ago ago

@Cat I think sometimes times telling people a harsh truth in a caring way can be the most loving thing you can do for a person. I suppose it depends on the truth but it really could be a positive thing.

@Seth ya there’s definitely some subtleties to this experiment. Obviously I’m not going to say ‘nice ass’ to some girl walking by haha. I think we should strive towards saying everything that is on our mind with a filter for what would positively affect the people hearing it. Like I said to Cat, not all criticism should be filtered. Sooo I guess there just have to be a subjective side to this experiment? Unless you really combine it with the love experiment — then you should have no controversies over whether to speak up or not.

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Avatar of Cat
Cat (@catalina)3 years, 5 months ago ago

@Jordan. If it’s Radical honesty, then yeah, you have to say ‘nice ass’ that would be the proper way of doing it and get results. I can truly see the benefits of this and if the world ever decided this was a good idea, then I’d be the first one to run around naked shouting ‘I’m free! I’m free!’ It would be a wonderful world to live in.But I don’t see that happening anytime soon. One week experiments are definitely a good idea. It will show you just how much bullshit you produce on a daily basis and help you sort out where you could be cutting down. Afterwards you could also say you were on an experimental new drug and hopefully that would help mend your relationships.
As for the harsh truth method, I’m all for it. To take the authors’ example, I would not hesitate to tell the widower my honest opinion about his poems. It would be cruel not to. What if he decided, based on my expert opinion to try to publish them and run into people who weren’t as concerned about his feelings as I was? It would just create more misery if I lied. Unless his name was Dan Brown and the world was in need of scandalous mediocrity, but even then I’d feel at peace for having been true to myself.
@Seth. this week perhaps just test it out, come up with rules you’re comfortable with and then stick to them more rigorously next week, and call that your proper experiment. I was going to suggest to combine it with the Love experiment, since that would most probably give you the results you were hoping for. Then it wouldn’t be radical though, it would be ‘speaking my truth’ experiment. I think that’s closer to what you are trying to achieve.
Road blocks; as you said: from your point of view- what’s the point of being a creep or an asshole? If you plan to go the Blanton way, make this into a lifestyle and then experience the liberating effect…but you don’t really strike me as that sort of guy. No offence but I think you’re too nice to be able to blurt out whatever indignity crosses your mind.
From other peoples’ point of view–Blanton is right. Self-deception is a plague and it’s hard to stand against it. I find the fakeness unbearable most of the time and I’m sure many others do too. But we are all engaged in this dance, everybody wants out but nobody knows how. I don’t know how. Most times people give me angry looks when I say I can’t hear the music, because that challenges their own sacrifice. I refuse to see the king is naked, because if I did I’d have to admit to myself how absurd I’ve been behaving. SO don’t go on telling people ‘I think you might have bipolar disorder ‘ like I did.
I’m spending way too much time on this site…

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Avatar of Seth
Seth (@seth)3 years, 5 months ago ago

Big post Cat. I like the idea of being a test week to see what I’m comfortable with however I am making progress in being more blunt. Haven’t been slapped yet but it might get there. I am nice but that stems from a whole different topic of conversation so I believe I can get to the stage of being able to say whatever crosses my mind. I know exactly what you mean about being trapped in some stupid dance. Fuck that routine, time to break some mold.

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Avatar of TJ
TJ (@tjordanh)3 years, 5 months ago ago

I’ve actually been living this way for quite awile. Its actually brought on the title of douche upon me but really its worth it. Ive titled it myself “constuctive douchism”. Generally i wont go out of my way to insult or complament anyone, but it noone tells that woman never to wear that atrocious outfit again, in the long run she will embarass herself in front of someone who could really affect her life. And also you have to select who it is youre telling the truth, if the person looks good and clearly knows it, telling them is only going to inflate thier head and piss other people off. My advice: go for it, but precautiously

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Avatar of Jordan Lejuwaan
Jordan Lejuwaan (@jordan)3 years, 5 months ago ago

Haha ‘constructive douchism’ — I like that. Good advice, @TJ

@Seth, Props for having the will to change yourself! People CAN change if they have the conviction and persistence. I’ve fluctuated from douchey to overly-nice, back to douchey and then to where I am now.

@Cat I still think there has to be some element of filtration to this thing. At least until you’ve been doing the experiment long enough to have better control of your thoughts. Even with the love experiment I would sometimes have a harsh thought come to mind and need to take a second to get back into the love state. Just because something nasty comes to mind does not need it needs to be open stated, even in this type of experiment. Extremes are hardly ever a good thing.

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Avatar of Martijn Schirp
Martijn Schirp (@martijn)3 years, 5 months ago ago

If I would do this experiment I would base my restrictions on my intentions and goals. Because I don’t see how it would make for a better world if I would just start to blunt my opinions everywhere (shit, now I gotta face the fact that that is indeed what Im doing most of the time haha). Because they are, just opinions and I wouldnt be helping people at all. I think key is that you find spots where normally you would just be quiet because of the consequences and at the same time you know you should speak up.

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Syn.Ther. (@luna)3 years, 5 months ago ago

I have been doing this since i have been out of the hospital in January 2008 after having merely survived a tumor,and by doing I mean being totally honest about my feelings in interactions I have. At first it took a lot of getting used to more so since I chose to do this in my private life as well as at my work which not always was appreciated and has made me to move to another employment. I have many times thought about the motives, and the reasons of my doing so but for me it ultimately was for myself, I need to express my feelings, and act upon them as they are the moral compass at which I travel. I have been in meetings with executives and board members of large multinationals and found most people to be so uncomfortable with honest and outright thought on matters at hand, even in professional situations there seems to be a need for approval or consensus. It is pointless to answer if there is no question, as is it to speak when no one listens but if in a response a sincere and heartfelt comment or suggestion would be in place it is so rewarding to do so as I have noticed people starting to pay attention, not just to what you are saying, but to what you are trying to communicate.
Just complimenting everybody might seem like a nice thing to do, but it is much more rewarding if you stick close to yourself as you will attract similar energy as what you are spreading, what I mean by that is to not get carried away in making others feel good, you need to feel good in order to enable yourself to spread that vibe. The same is true for being honest about negative feelings, but be realistic about your goals as it might not alway get the result you hope for. But great thoughts ;)

and possible consequences…………. probably getting yet another project(job) offered ;)

Need to get back to the books ;) Peace

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Avatar of Kaleb
Kaleb (@huskeyk)3 years, 5 months ago ago

in my experience, many people use terms like “harsh truth,” and “brutal honesty” as excuses to say hurtful things.

i appreciate–and love–honesty, but i don’t think that it makes it okay to disregard tact.

i hope i’m not insinuating that anyone here would lack that sort of compassion, but i just feel that the point needs to be made.

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Avatar of CJV
CJV (@somuch2say)3 years, 5 months ago ago

has anyone watched the invention of lying? i just watched it. it was not a cinematic master piece in any way but i loved the subtle humor. It gave an imaginary world where lying had not be invented yet. radical honesty is ALL they know. I highly recommend it. If you look further than the movie, you can see the far reaching implications. I hope you watch it :)

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Avatar of Duke Mabirou
Duke Mabirou (@dozmaster)3 years, 2 months ago ago

Anyone who’s even vaguely interested in this topic should watch the movie “The Invention of Lying.”

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1058017/

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Avatar of michele dulas
michele dulas (@michele3)3 years, 2 months ago ago

radical honesty? start with self… honestly, what is your motivation? clean up your motivation then one has less problems with interactions and honesty.

complete honesty does not mean saying everything that passing through your mind. we do have filter systems.

dig it – check out Emotional Intelligence” that is radical honesty.

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