most of the time i am mentally absent.,when i am present (maybe bcz i m tired of being absent all the time),like now… there is this vast blackness.,confusion.,uncertainty.,vagueness,carelessness,fear (all present subconsciously).,.then there is no self-importance.,so many unanswered questions,which i dont care about anymore .,each day losing its worth day by day,.no awareness of time,.all these things adding anxiety etc to my subconscious mind maybe bcz when i was a kid i believed in greatness,love,hope,happiness.,…and i liked that experience.,but now, knowing the reality.,i cant force myself into believing.,… somebody use that memory eraser thingy which was in MIB!
I used to believe that when I was a kid too. So much… that I still believe in it and enjoy when people call me crazy. :) And it’s true, I don’t blame them, I do imagine a reformed world with no hypocritical expressions and acknowledgment to replace tricking ourselves into getting older in desperation.
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