Release your funny
I love this website for how it allows you to relate to people all over the world, how it tries to help people with their problems, and how it discusses some deep and emotional subjects. But right now, I just need funny, and I want to get to know you. So in the comment section below, post some funny things about yourself. I am a fan of the odd, bizarre, and the weird, so unleash yourself, all of yourself. I’ll get the ball rolling, here are a few things about me to help you to get to know me better. The following list is completely true(do I look like someone who would lie on the internet?)
2) I have an irrational fear of odd numbers. I used to have a really good friend named nine, but then seven eight nine. I havent been able to count properly ever since.
4) I dated Kate Beckinsale for a short time in 2003, but had to dump her because she was way too in love with me way too early- almost Fatal Attraction-like.
6) I suffer from a rare disease called “Linguacapillitis”, which is a disorder where I can’t grow hair on my tongue.
8) In my senior year of highschool I was voted cass clown as well as ” most likely to dance naked on national television for money”.
10) I was a Senator from North Carolina once and almost got a bill passed to convert the USA to the metric system.
12) I love my family and I love my friends. I also “love” myself, sometimes as many as three times a day…HIYOO!!!!
14) Sometimes I have to leave parties and other events because I have a fear of balloons.
16) I once met a cat named yoinkie. We did not get along.
18) I believe that I am god’s gift to women. Unfortunately god has a sense of humour so he included a free return label as well as a gift exchange reciept :(
20) I am un-victorious in my lifetime at the game of Risk, with a record of 0-9-74(74 ties were a result of getting frustrated, flipping the board game and saying “fuck this shit”)
22) I envy giraffes for their long legs- but not their necks, those gross me out.
24) I taught Michael Flatley everything he knows. Therefor I am the true “Lord of the Dance” and he is just a “Prince”, if that…
26) I was once hit by a car driven by an ex-girlfriend… and then reversed back over, and then ran over again… but I’m still here Kate!
28) I sometimes dont finish my sentences like people think I Bull testicles.
30) I have successfully ended the song, “this is the song that never ends” from lambchop’s play along.
32) I inappropriately laugh at midgets, people getting hit in the balls, and fart jokes. If I ever see a midget get hit in the balls and let out a fart as a result, I may be the first casualty of death by laughing.
A baby seal walks into a club.
A father buffalo looks on to his son buffalo in glory, until his son comes up to him with a grim look on his face.
When I found out my hair dryer wasn’t water proof… I was shocked.
If you guys can think of a better fish pun… let minnow.
I was gonna post a gay joke, butt fuck it
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.
Why did the old lady forget her purse? Because she has Alzheimer’s.
Why did the little girl not run in the school race? Because she had no legs.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.
There’s my funny.
Guybrush Threepwood: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
I got home from work today and the shortly after the police arrived at my door. They continued to inform me that I had to keep my dog under control because he was chasing people on bicycles. Immediately I told them they must have the wrong house because I know for a fact that my dog CANNOT ride a bicycle
If sex with two people is called a twosome, and sex with three people is a threesome, well now I know why people keep calling me handsome.
|Obviously, you’re not a golfer|
@yoinkie, There is no such thing as “inappropriately” laughing at a fart joke. Farts are easily one of the single funniest things on planet Earth and there is no shame nor time when it is unacceptable to laugh at them or their associated humor. End of story.
The first dirty joke I learned: There were two kids playing in a sand box, a boy and a girl. The boy flashed the girl his ween and the girl said “I don’t have one of those!!” then ran home to her Mom to ask her what it was. Her Mom said “That’s your garage, and whatever you do don’t let a boy park his car in there!” The little boy ran home to his Dad to ask what he had, his Dad said “That’s your limo, you can park it in any garage you want!” They met back at the sand box to play. Later the little girl ran home crying with a bloody hand. Her Mom asked “What happened?!?!!?” She said “Johnny tried to park his car in my garage so I ripped his back tires off”
Hmm some things about me
I am a Mom, a young one
I went to a zoo the other day that only had one dog. It was a shih tzu.
There’s a fish swimming in a river, 4 inches above the fish there is a fly. The fish thinks, if that fly drops 4 inches, I’ll have my dinner.
Why are M&M’s full of chocolate?
Why did ET the Extra Terrestrial love Reese’s pizzas so much?
How do you keep your pet dog from licking his balls?
Why did God create Domino’s Pizza?
Why do Pringles employees get laid so often?
Why does Arby’s put so much mayonnaise on their sandwiches?
How do you keep flies from landing on your Big Mac?
Why did Ronald McDonald have sex with his sister?
Why does KFC come in a bucket?
Why did the Sanders girls, Colonel Sanders’ daughters, absolutely refuse to eat KFC’s extra crispy fried chicken?
Why did Colonel Sanders keep his eleven herbs and spices a secret?
And why, why did, on his deathbed, why did Colonel Sanders on his deathbed reveal the secret of his eleven herbs and spices to Academy Award-nominated actress Sally Fields?
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