Sharing my tumultuous past with others.

3 years, 2 months ago

AS the topic suggests, my past is filled with less than happy things. Things like rape and abuse. My question that I pose to you all is: should I share these things with the ones close to me? People like my best friends, my parents, my girlfriend. Some of these people already know some of my story.
When I ask this question to myself, I get a range of answers.
One being: I don’t need to tell them, it is in the past, it does not change anything about me. Or at least I don’t want it to. I don’t want it to change how people think of me, I don’t want it to change how I think of myself. Does it though?
It is a part of my remembering self, is it not? From what I understand there is a remembering self and an experiencing self.
From what I understand, there is no true me.
http://www.ted.com/talks/julian_baggini_is_there_a_real_you.html
What does this video have to say about the self?
Another answer I get, is that these people in my life deserve to know. I should not keep things from them.

February 5, 2012 at 8:38 pm

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Profile photo of Mike Mike (@jurrasic) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

If this information changes the way someone feels about you in a negative way, then there’s no need to spend one more minute with that person.

Talk away if it makes you feel better.

Insofar as people in your life “deserving” to know..well…I’d say deserve has nothing to do with it.

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Profile photo of andresni andresni (@andresni) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

Number one should really apply to your friends and family. What has happened to you in the past shouldnt change your relationship with them, because its just your past right. Sadly people will treat you differently. Some of them atleast. Some wont even care. Not worth it if you dont have a need to tell them.

I would spill the beans though, if your story could help someone in a similar situation.

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Profile photo of stonedragon stonedragon (@stonedragon21) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

james these sad stories are perhaps not completely worked out by you . infact sharing them with those you love and trust is a good way for you to really put them behind you in a more real way.
it is hard to talk about these things but even admiting this to us here on HE is a brave thing to do. Just by mentioning this you must be wanting to share them.
Go ahead and like mike said talk away!
also your story helps all of us who have had simular traumas and are still in sad silence.

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Profile photo of Brandon P'naantan Pinkney Brandon P’naantan Pinkney (@hlalhabattu) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

if you are truly close to these people (and this is just me talking), you should tell them what makes you you, everything from the good expreiences to the bad, and if you are close to them as you believe you are, it’ll actually deepen that bond

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If you want to tell them do it. It can help you get build stronger relationships and deal with past events. But only do it if you feel comfortable.

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Profile photo of Sasho Stoyanov Anonymous (@) 3 years, 2 months ago ago

Imagine if nothing happened to you. People will still look with prejudice. I don’t think it’ll make an essential difference. You must also think like that. What we were is what we are.

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Profile photo of Jonathan Jonathan (@jwright1979) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

I approached it like this: “Love, I am an open book. I will never lie about anything. Who I am today, the you love is a result of all the good and bad that is my story. Love you, now let’s do it.

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