Should I drop everything and change my life?

2 years, 3 months ago

Long story short, I have a horrible job. It may not be horrible to some people, but I absolutely hate it. It effects the time I am away from it and I feel seriously depressed. My boyfriend wants me to try to stay long enough to save money and find another position I can transfer to seamlessly.

The thing is, I do not want to stay in this field any longer. I pursued this field because I thought it would be a good idea 10 years ago. Now, I have changed and money is not a huge priority as long as I can take care of myself.

My dilemma is I want to volunteer for 6 months at a holistic retreat 2 hours away from where I live. I went there on vacation once and I have never been happier in my life to be away from modern amenities. We had a sense of community and it was very fulfilling and healing. I want to change careers, but to what is a big question. This retreat I feel will help me figure that out as part of my journey. Many people have gone there to figure out their lives.

My boyfriend wants me to stay with him and continue working. He also frown upon me making any plans to quit my current job without a backup despite the fact that everyday it hurts me. My family also feels the same way he does. They want me to play safe and stick it out even though I am extremely unhappy. I have had thoughts of escaping in extreme ways that are harmful to myself. My family thinks I am selfish even though I have made decisions and held myself back so as not to lose their approval. Any advice or real life experiences that anyone can give me?

December 15, 2012 at 9:23 am

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Profile photo of Stoney Baloney Stoney Baloney (@adamm0ss) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

Other people are telling you this because of their own personal fears and fails. You are the only person who knows best for you. You’re the one that lived your experiences. Other opinions are based on their own experiences which could be worlds different from yours. I sometimes struggle with the same problem of people trying to decide whats best for me. Although all the advice you are given may very well be intended to help you, it can deter you from who you are.

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Profile photo of Taylor Taylor (@taysand) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

First off, you should never stay at a job that you hate. The true point of a job is not to make money, but to be doing something you thouroughly love and enjoy. Somtimes it’s the best choice, financially, to stay with the job.. but some people don’t have anywhere else to turn, or their world would become worse from not being able to provide for themselves. Basically, if you’re not worried about the money or providing for yourself, then by all means quit your horrible job and do what you feel in your heart will make you truely happy. You’re not being selfish for not doing what others would do. Trust yourself and do what feels right.. I hope it works out well :)

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Profile photo of kendra kendra (@somuchlovetogive) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

Listen to your heart girl, if it feels right then do it. This is your life not your bf or your family. This is you. Its hard to follow your gut when you have negativity from ppl you love. But why waste anymore time being unhappy? Go change the world for the better :)

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Profile photo of Quiggz Quiggz (@quiggz) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

Get out of there!

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Profile photo of apricelessgoat apricelessgoat (@aworthlessgoat) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

Fuck all those people that tell you what to do! Other than, “Whatever you think is right” most advice people give is based on their life, not yours.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

The only thing a person needs to understand, you can be free if you choose two. Advice is only valuable when derrived from simmiliar experienced but then aswell on the most abstract level. Fly and soar high…

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Profile photo of Quig Quig (@quig) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

If you’re that unhappy with your lot then I say do it without hesitation.

I would recommend putting some money away first and making sure you have a place to stay if things don’t work out. Following your heart is awesome. Homelessness…not so much.

Good luck either way.

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Profile photo of YuzuBurst YuzuBurst (@yuzuyum) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

I thank you all for your advice. The environment has the potential to be dangerous so therefore I have to make a solid decision.

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Profile photo of Edward Bernays Edward Bernays (@edwardbernays) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@yuzuyum, I quit my job ’cause I fucking hated it. Like every time I walked on one of the streets leading to my work I just got this instant hatred inside me, even if I wasn’t working that day. Most of the people at my work didn’t know of my hatred of the place for the longest time,I even won employee of the month during this time, but eventually my managers and bosses saw the depression in my face and body language. I waited until I was able to get a job at my girlfriends work and then handed in my 2 weeks notice. The assistant store manager who I got along with great saw the change in me and asked if I was looking for another job on the very day I was going to hand in my resignation, I guess I just looked happy.

Neither of these jobs are/were my career by any means, as I’m still in university, so i’m not sure if this will directly help. But when I quit my job it was like a weight was lifted off me. This was about 3 weeks ago, but I’m happy thus far. If you’re not happy with your situation change it.

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Profile photo of Cam Cam (@camsuarez) 2 years, 3 months ago ago

@yuzuyum, Hi there! I am undergoing similar stress. My life seems to be going in the “right direction”. I have a promising career, and decent car, and a roof over my head. I recently decided to drop my career, my car, and my house to move to a farming community in Virginia(about 9 hours from me). The things that I have been chasing just aren’t enough for me. I need a sense of fulfillment that can’t come from this materialistic lifestyle that I’ve delved into. I have dreamt of living in an egalitatrian community for the past 4 years. There is a sense of healing in doing what you long for. Almost everyone that I’ve mentioned the idea to has deemed it crazy. Family, friends, co-workers, all think I’m throwing my life away….regardless of what they think it is “mine”. My decision, my life, my goals, and my happiness. I’ve learned that you cannot live for others, for the simple fact that they may not always be around. Heck I may not be around much longer… So my advice to you is: Do what drives you, deep down in your gut. When you are 80-years-old, you can look back and be proud of yourself for following your own ambitions instead of regretting a boring/safe life. There’s more to it than punching the clock . Take the risk, if it doesn’t work out, you will still be breathing. in other words, “Change the things you can, accept the things you cannot!” I wish you the best!
-Brooke

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

Drop the job and go volunteer at the holistic retreat and do anything and everything else that YOU want to do. Drop as well any concepts of being “selfish” or such nonsense. If you are truly satisfied with self and in touch with your true existence, then are you better and fully equipped to contribute to the world and all sentient beings in it. You wrote: “I went there on vacation once and I have never been happier in my life to be away from modern amenities. We had a sense of community and it was very fulfilling and healing. I want to change careers, but to what is a big question. This retreat I feel will help me figure that out as part of my journey.” YES! to be relaxed in what means something to you, fulfills you and uncovers your natural innate peace & happiness can be fertile ground to speak to “but to what”. And what if you don’t exactly figure it out in 6 months? So what? Forget about time too. Yes, we live superficially in the world, but we truly are NOT of the world. Go with you gut – it will never fail you. As to the boyfriend, family, possessions or whatever: let what happens happen. Be true to YOU. Whatever happens with and in the lives of others is directly a result of their own ideas, concepts and egos. Truly. You are not and will not be responsible for anyone else’s drama and dynamics. Peace, Love & Light ~ ricky

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Profile photo of Chris Chris (@seektruth) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

I agree with what many people have said.
I was in a job and career I hated. It was making me ill and depressed. I kept wanting to quit but I didn’t know what I wanted to do and everyone around me thought quitting with no plan would be a bad idea.
Luckily I met someone who was also unhappy in her job. To cut a long story short she helped me quit my job and we booked a round the world trip together. The relationship didn’t work out so we went our separate ways travelling round the world.
It was the best 9 months of my life. I had no plan what I wanted to do when I got back all I knew was that I wanted to help people rather than sit at a desk staring at a computer screen. I am lucky in that I have parents who are very supportive and I lived with them when I got back from travelling. I volunteered as much as possible to get experience and got basic work experience to change career.
I am now on a 2 year course I really enjoy and hopefully will have a completely new career in 2 years.
I had no idea I would be doing this when I quit my job over 2 years ago! That’s the great thing about life, we can’t predict what doors will open when one closes. It’s been tough but I’ve had so many experiences I never would have had in my old job.

I would say go with our gut. If relationships don’t work out maybe it’s because you have different values and interests in life. Be prepared to have ups and downs but know that you are working towards something better.

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Profile photo of Bobby Bobby (@bobbylloydxd) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

Follow your heart and you won’t get lost

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

Yes.

You should.

Absolutely.

Right away.

Don’t waste your life.

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Profile photo of NEN NEN (@nbolin92) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

@yuzuyum, You absolutely should live your life on your own terms, doing what makes you genuinely happy. However, you might want to look into getting some type of counseling while you make your plans for a career change. I say that because you said this: “I have had thoughts of escaping in extreme ways that are harmful to myself.” and also that you’ve made choices in the past that didn’t get your family’s approval. It’s quite possible something else or in addition to your current job, is driving your emotional train. Whatever it is, it will still be with you as you pursue work that touches your heart. Hating your job? Most everyone has hated their job at one time or another but that shouldn’t cause you to want to harm yourself. Take care!

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Profile photo of Goglosh Goglosh (@goglosh) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

I’d say go ahead. I’ve done the same thing a couple times now and it is always relieving.
And you shouldn’t care that much about other people’s opinion, at least not if what they want you to do is actually harmful.

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