Suicidal thoughts, letting go, and healing for real (long)

@heedthem, “i know all of the tricks of meditation” I’m sorry, but that is completely ignorant. You obviously don’t or else you wouldn’t be in this situation. Everyone goes through peaks and valleys in life, it doesn’t mean you have bi polar disorder. Classifying your regular depression as so only makes it worse and solidifies the idea in your head which creates a self fulfilled prophecy. The key to getting passed this stage along with other peoples ideas above is to live completely in the now. When you remove the story of you and the voice inside your head that’s gives you a false idea of who you are then you will be entirely free from this. But, if you know all of the tricks of meditation you are probably already aware of this.

@heedthem, Do you mean you don’t think you need to completely cut out weed or really you don’t want to?

I didn’t say it to bum you out, but you asked for ways to feel better. So yes, cutting out completely does make you feel better!

First of all, don’t smoke weed anymore. Never use drugs to make you happy or less sad. I’ll be very sincere with you… In the beginning of this year, when I started to visit HighExistence, the most overwhelming thing I saw was “Happiness is within”. I struggled for months saying to myself “Fuck no, things around me should be well too”, but in the end it’s the truth. Nothing matters, only the present, only you. I too had a lot of depressive and suicidal thoughts and the reason was so simple, all the time in my face: I was not only pessimist about my social status in the present, but also with things I done in my past and things I would do in the future. I did like that:
1 – I recognized what was taking me away from happiness and enlightenment
2 – I turned love and positivity into a single and unique fuel to perform every action I would do. I would talk to people with love, I would watch the sky with love, I would think about love all the time. You have no idea how this works so well.
3 – Suddenly I realized that happiness was within, and I was trying to find something in the wrong place all the time!
A strong tip too that helped me even more was smiling with no reason. It makes you incredibly happy with no reason! (Thanks to @jordan)
I wish you the best, peace and love.

@heedthem, Awesome :) My love goes out to you, good luck

@heedthem, What you need is also a Strategy. A simple strategy to make positive thinking effective and make things happen. Give it a try to all the positive things that you enjoy doing and put them into action. And do them often. You need a positive/helpful Routine. Go out (even if it means going out alone), go anywhere, go jogging, sign up to an art class or something like that, somewhere where you can meet different types of people. You need to extend your circle of people if you want to meet positive people. Personally, I’ve always found comfort and a positive attitude by talking to people older than me (I’m 24), grown ups, people in their ’30s-’40s-’50s, people that have learned a lot by their personal experience. Sometimes you don’t find the comfort you need in people of the same age as you are because they also are dealing with their own personal struggle. So, go easy on you, cause you’re not alone in this. Don’t lose hope and stay strong.
Give it a read to this article, it makes some good points on how to make positive thinking effective http://www.purposefairy.com/8671/7-things-you-should-do-to-make-positive-thinking-effective/

@heedthem, Way cool that you went for a drive this morning. Getting out is good for those of us who deal with depression!

I have read through this entire thread and have seen some really interesting stuff! One thing I noticed was that you didn’t actually ask for advice, as you mentioned, but that you went with it. My original post was meant to share some of my story, which I do consider successful, even though I still struggle with depression.

I wonder what would have happened if you had stopped and watched their game. I wonder if they would have spoken to you. I wonder if that would have resulted in some contact of the human sort. I think following those sorts of desires can be something that actually benefits us because we are giving our brain a new experience!

@heedthem, So awesome that you saw the sign and acted on it! And I love the things you did to take care of yourself and make the drive a good thing for you.

I totally get it about not feeling comfortable enough to walk up to strangers like that! I just wonder what would happen if you (or I) did something really unusual like that.

I hope you can find your own set of nice old ladies. One place I think you might be able to find them would be at a book group at your local library. Not sure about that, but it might be a lead. Also, I suspect I might be an old lady, from your point of view (51) and I can tell you I would love to be a resource to a young woman, and I know it’s kind of tricky for two people to find each other. But if I were going to be a resource, I would imagine myself meeting with my young friend on a weekly basis or so, over coffee, just listening and caring for her. I would imagine I would be inviting her to my home for a meal or to spend some time with my family (I have five kids and a sweet husband). I would imagine myself inviting her to go to lunch or for a walk in the park or to an art exhibit. I would imagine myself being someone she could call and visit and feel safe with.

I know there must be women like myself wherever you are. Tony Robbins teaches that we get more of what look for. So, if you continue to keep your eyes open and look for your old ladies, I know you will find them.

Peace to you, @heedthem.