Tell us about yourself.
Where do you come from?
Rich strict family, broke liberal family? suburban, rural, city?
Hard rocker type? Hipster? Hippy? Thugster?(thats what i call ‘em) Or just yourself?
Ive been hopping around lower to mid class hoods rocking hoodies and pistols for awhile, eventually made it to london, made mad money hustling and partying. Learned so much about myself, both through culture change, and psychedelics.
Living in florida, my mom tried to be strict and shelter me from everything around us, but it probably just led to me becoming the very thing she tried to prevent. a weed smoking, drug dealing, beatboxing, street hustler.
Now im back in the hood, going to college, and working 2 jobs, trying to shed light on a very dark place through art.
Ive got some other big plans for molding the world into what I think it should be like. Or atleast in my immediate surroundings.
Looking back on my past, I wouldnt trade it for the world. Homelessness, almost a year in jail, fights, and rolling with any “type” imaginable, all learning experiences.
When Im around all of these wealthy sheltered type, I sometimes have trouble syncing vibrations.
Thats why I like preforming magic so much. It gives me an excuse to vibrate with anyone, from any culture, and any background, randomly with almost no introduction about myself. (even in china, where i hardly knew the language)
My experiences have collectivly resulted in my mindset and expanded view of the world.
Whats your story? Sum it up for us.
I gave a very brief versian of my story. I could go on and on with war stories of a teenage adventurer like myself. But im sure you could too! Lookout for my autobiography some day though, itl be a good read.
Enough about me.
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I grew up in a small country town as an only child. my parents were trusting beautiful people who basically let me do what I want when I was younger which I never really took advantage of.
I went through my weed smoking days and a couple of other harder drugs but only once or twice and I dont really desire that side of things anymore. Although I would like to try mushrooms but anxiety and depression stop me from going there.
I live in Melbourne, I am a singer in a band with my boyfriend whom I live with and love very much. I write and draw and paint.
I am a strange being with amazing friends and a beautiful family. I would not change anything about myself or the events in my life – even the horrid ones. I have grown so much from every experience. I love life.
your story makes me shudder. you are such an incredibly strong being. how much you have gone thru and the determination courage and love you have shown to those around you put you in my mind in a catagory of its own. please dont let this grieving make you weak now, or let you slide into something like drugs or alcohol to ease the pain of it all. of course you are feeling that pain now, so just feel it and let it bleed, and let it heal. and go on.
your family should be very proud of you to be the one who cared for them so much, and i think it is people like you who will save this world.
as for my story it is a long long tale, and now im gonna go save the world just a little bit also by going out to dig in my vegie garden and plant my baby tomatoes out. love to all of you! and lets hear more stories. each of us has an incredible tale to tell, and a big part to play. i promise to tell mine soon, and believe me it ranks in there with the wirdest of tales!
I’ve lived and grew up in the suburbs for most of my life, and been neither rich nor poor, I mean, I’ve never had tons of money to burn but neither have I ever gone hungry or not had a roof over my head. I don’t really classify myself as any particular type of person, because I like little bits and pieces of a lot of different things, even ones that contradict each other sometimes. I was pretty shy for most of my life, probably because I didn’t relate to other people my age for a long time. My guess is that my interests developed more slowly than most people, being an adult never really had any appeal for me while most of the other kids growing up always seemed to want to act older than they were, I was still watching cartoons and playing with LEGO’s while other people were smoking weed or doing who knows what, and to me that was just fine as I was in no hurry to grow up and shed my innocent views. Also I didn’t really have friends for a while, it wasn’t until late high school and after that I even started hanging out with other folks my age a lot. I guess I was always kind of an outsider, though there were only a handful of people that ever went out of their way to make me feel unwelcome. I was/still am a huge Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Transformers fan, and I enjoy reading books in general, in particular things like fiction and history. Because I didn’t talk to a lot of people in high school and didn’t have the internet til college, I didn’t develop my musical tastes until then but I’m glad I did, as it gives my life a new kind of energy I was lacking. Unfortunately, I wasn’t born with any particular talents so I never knew what to do with myself, and for the longest time I thought being creative was one of those things that you had to be born with, so I never bothered with it and got a business degree thinking it would at least lead to a comfortable, if boring, life, only to realize that being a cubicle jockey isn’t me at all and I started to question the idea that adulthood necessarily had to be dull. In recent years I’ve become more interested in some things I didn’t think about before, such as actively trying to stop being shy, and psychedelics. I’m still trying to break away from the left-brain indoctrination I’ve had, while trying to learn guitar, write my own sci fi epic, but I’m having a hard time believing I can change into this new creative person. I guess “late bloomer” is the story of my life.
Military family, grew up in Vegas, mom tried to push religion, dad didn’t, abandoned all faith in about the 8th grade and never looked back.
Moved from ghetto North Las Vegas to cushy suburbs of Henderson, NV. Never fit in with the rich white kid crowd. Listened to System of a Down, Atreyu, Mudvayne, and a lot of really shitty buzz rock until I discovered ska in 8th grade. Got tipsy and went to a ska show, fell in love with the punk rock subculture.
Abandoned conservative politics in 10th grade, moved on to libertarianism, and on to Anarchism in junior year. Organized a VERY small protest with a friend on the strip for tax day in that same year. Got active in the Ron Paul campaign, talked to folks, put up signs, and changed a lot of peoples minds, even got my Bush supporting dad to jump on the RP train.
Was on the school’s speech/debate (forensics) team for a year, kicked ass and always debated drunk, would’ve done better had I actually put forth some effort, but alas, the drink, she is a foul temptress.
Sworn into the military at the beginning of senior year, spent that whole year in the delayed entry program, actually left for boot camp in 2010. Been in for a year and a half, infantry Security Forces (We’re ‘supposed’ to go out and protect embassies in threat of terrorist attack, the reality is we sit around and clean guns all day.)
I’ve thrown a few grenades, shot more ammunition than I’d care to count from all the ridiculous shit you see on call of duty (M16, M240, M249, AT4, M9, M1014, M500, M2 .50 Cal, M203 Grenade Launcher), gotten high off machinegun vapors, shroomed, smoked DMT, drank reckless amounts of alcohol and met a lot of insane fucking people and a few good souls in between. I still feel like a feeble little nerd and nothing like a badass, don’t get the wrong idea, it is impossible to describe what I’ve done without sounding like a douche.
I still actively believe in anarchism as an ideal path for humanity and preach it much to the dismay of my co-workers.
I’m such a god damn hipster.
The details of my life are quite inconsequential … Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament … My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon … luge lessons … In the spring, we’d make meat helmets … When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum — it’s breathtaking … I suggest you try it.
sorry i dont have time to reply to everyones story but i want to say again to
@shelby. girl it is not your duty or role to save your family. the house or your brother. you have to try now to seperate your pain from their mistakes. i mean you are carrying around first of all a huge guilt for your existence, feeling deeply unwanted from birth on. and trying to pay for this by bailing them all out.
this is not your JOB!!! you have to try to live your life and not feel bad about any of the stuff you couldnt do. after all it is a parents job to protect their kids, not go bankrupt or lose their house or expect thier daughter to bail them out.
so feel good about yourself. you are so incredibly strong.
and live this for your SELF now. not for them.
look at this shelby, cuz if you dont you are going to be trying to save everyone you meet.
the reason i tell you this is cuz it reminds me of my life.
which is more or less running along this same pattern.
ok, im back out to dig the earth!
@Shelby, you are anything but a failure, as far as i can tell from your story. We all have vices, and fall into traps of escapism at one time or another. But you went through all of that and still graduate Ohio State (where I am :)) and got into law school, whilst working full time? You have no idea the level you are on compared to most people I know.
@Mime, dafuck did I just read?
As for me, I am an electrical engineering student at Ohio State, and I have no idea what I am doing. Day to day, I oscillate between extreme positivism, hope for the future, and belief in myself, to extreme self loathing, an utter distaste for any work, and utter fucking confusion about how people are so fucking smart! Seriously, how the fuck do people come to understand all of these endlessly complicated systems? Electromagnetic Wave Propagation, Particle physics, Semiconductor chip fabrication? Jesus it’s so overwhelming. I feel like a toddler compared to the intelligence of most of my colleagues, and especially my professors.
Plus extreme anxiety and self-consciousness destroys most of my ability to retain information.
If you looked up “semi-privileged suburban white kid” you’d see my picture.
But I think the thing that pisses me off the most is when people act like they have this whole life thing figured out. How can you be so fucking sure? What are these absolutes that guide your thoughts and actions, and where can I find them? What truths are there to hold onto. If I am alone fore long periods of time, I begin to question everything until I almost lose my goddamn mind.
Other than all of that, I am a very good squash player, I make shitty house/dubstep music in my spare time, my parents just separated, I’ve never had a serious girlfriend, I love lifting weights and eating healthy but I wish it showed more.
Gah, I don’t even want to post this because I don’t want to spread negativity to this wonderful site. Self discovery can be a bitch sometimes.
I grew up in a middle class(I think?) neighborhood with “born again Christian” parents who always made me go to church every sunday. I remember seeing holes in the story even at age 7 and asking questions that got ignored. I would always draw in church. On that note, I drew a lot as a kid, me and my friends invented our own code(for writing messages), games, made tree forts, tried selling neighbor’s own flowers to them, caught tadpoles, rode bikes, roller blades, etc, and generally spent a ridiculously amazing amount of time outside. I feel very grateful for that, looking back. I always loved music and listened to the radio constantly, and started piano lessons at 10 that I later gave up for the guitar around age 15.
In high school I was painfully shy just like my younger years before that. I discovered Pink Floyd when I was 15 and threw away every CD I owned that was not Pink Floyd, and proceeded to become obsessed. I did a lot of art in high school and discovered painting around 17 and have done it ever since except for a couple blank years where I cared more about getting fucked up.
First drank at 15, first smoked weed around 16, then proceeded to try every drug known to man and live a crazy existence with zero responsibilities or concerns for anyone other than myself. Then it got really bad, fast forward a couple years or so, so I moved out of state and I’m still in the state I moved to and never see my family anymore but have the best group of friends I’ve ever had, try to be as healthy as possible and learn every day and experiment with my reality constantly.
Northface, no one knows anything, but some people decide to hold onto certain truths that enhance their lives, because they enhance their lives. It’s normal to have doubts, I can definitely relate to questioning everything to the point of misery when alone, but sometimes you’ve just gotta stop to realize that we’re all here whether we like it or not and though there’s things we can never know, we can find what makes us happy and pursue that! “Fill your head with what’s important and forget the rest”.
Born to teenage parents. Dad is an abusive, angry alcoholic, Mom is a gambling-addicted narcissist. Two younger siblings. I was the guinea-pig child. I got to experience the abuse, neglect, etc. that my siblings missed out on because I threatened to stab my dad the first time he tried to hit them. I was 8. Had some bad experiences, was raped, had terrible relationships, and dabbled far too much in cocaine and heroin (not IV, I don’t have the veins to support it.) Accomplished all this while working two jobs at night and a being a daytime high school senior. Dove straight from a life of addiction to getting knocked up 3 months later at 19 by a guy I really thought I loved but turned out to be a jerk. Missed being a teen parent by 3 whole months (SCORE!). Got sick, was treated for thyroid cancer 3 months after I had my oldest. Got pregnant again but didn’t know it until after I left my first fake husband. Now have two kids with a man I despise. Got sicker, went into heart failure, found out I was bipolar, had a miscarriage, broke off an engagement, and am now finding the parts to my life again and hope to be less of a mess by the time I’m 30. I’m a work in progress.
Born in Seoul, S. Korea to a single mother, who put me up for adoption. At 3months I was adopted into a conservative, middle/upper class family here in the US (in TX). I have an older brother and 2 (older) parents. We moved to Wyoming. Being raised in a small ‘hick’ town was super hard for me because I was basically the only kid who was not white. I was made fun of and teased for being Asian. When I was younger that really hurt me, but I got over it. I finally realized that because I was bullied so harshly when I was younger it only made me stronger. A few years ago I dropped any aspirations of having to do with politics (I am not religious either). I feel like I am more mature that most of my peers around me. Now at 16 I have my ‘poop in a group’ and am a rather cheery person :)
Amazing stories. Thank you @Kevin for creating this discussion. I, personally, needed this.. to find new souls, other beings in this world. Sounds like you found yourself :-) We’re all different, but that’s what makes us “us”. I just hate when people judge.
@Mime Awesome imagination.
@Kerry Berry. Misery likes company, but seriously, fuck off!
@Stonedragon. Leave ‘em tomatoes alone! Share your story already :-) I haven’t met you yet.
As for me… I am new to reality. I was born in Europe, and came to New York when I was 9. Thanks to my grandpa who was born in Connecticut and gave my family the born-right to US Citizenship.
My parents were drinkers, but my mother was an alcoholic. Her whole family was, til they all died, except her. My father managed to support us and love us, sometimes beat us, despite his hypocritical personality. He was my role model. He died in 3 years ago, due to drinking, smoking, overeating, and heart problems. But he lived to be a grandpa to his only little ones, my two kids. I was 23 then.
So my mother became a park bum. Brooklyn is full of them, and she was one of them. Everyone knew her, so to me, she was dead. My father attempted to kill her, when I was 4, and i witnessed it. I should have yelled “Do it”, maybe my life wouldn’t have been such a pain.
I have been born into the house of abuse, domestic violence, alcohol, poverty, and daily violence. I moved 29 times already. Thanks, mom, for getting us kicked out everywhere we moved to. I still question why my dad put up with her shit. True love I guess. He helped her through her cancer, and she fucking outlived him.
I began smoking cigarettes at 13, weed and alcohol at 14, and ecstasy at 16. Addicted to all, I had my dad discharge me from high school so i can get my GED. And I did, while being 7 months pregnant with my daughter. But I did it.
I was a stay at home mom, til I got married at 19, to my best friend, at the time, who was a Marine. I moved to North Carolina at the return from his deployment, and lived down there for 2 years til we separated. I moved back up to New York, for a short 3 years til I had my son and my dad passed away. 5 months later, I fled New York and ended up living in California for 2 years. There I nearly lost my life due to a very abusive relationship. My ex-fiance introduced me to “bath salts” drug, and that fucked up my health, tremendously… I weighed 106 pounds by the time I left California to come to New York.
I had another abusive situation with my brother, thanks to whom I began my life in a Domestic Violence shelter. I am still here, 4 months later. But 2 months ago, I had my first manic episode, where my life changed completely.
I now have both my kids, quit all substances, including cigarettes, and I’m starting school in 2 weeks, where I’ll be majoring in Human Services.
Life is great now. The psychosis gave me life. I feel alive. For the first time, I feel free.
I learned that everything happens for a reason, and everything cannot be taken so seriously. Accept things for what they are, and follow your bliss.
I grew up in a small city that functions more as a large town, the first of two sons to a lower-middle class family. My father is a conservative democrat, my mother is liberal democrat. While both are rather religious, my mother is and has always been more-so. My daddy was a copper, my mother was not and never was a hippy. He got a job working at a local University once I was around five years old, since being on the force was too dangerous.
I was born with a cleft lip and palate, and as such was in and out of the hospital from a rather young age. Somehow, though, I got incredible medical treatment and now it’s almost not even noticeable. Or so I’m told. Except it definitely is, just people who know about cleft lips can’t tell that’s what it is. Even after I stopped making frequent visits to the hospital, I eventually wound up going back yearly from age 6 to around age 12. First for surgery on my ears, and then later for a massive, invasive surgery on my lip and jaw.
I was a real talkative kid, once, and then I just sort of stopped. I shut up, I stopped talking to people. I forgot how to be social. It was all about internal thought, and being with the few friends I had and could talk too. I had previously achieved incredibly high scores on various aptitude tests as a child, but a mixture of depression, ennui, and tween-rage led my grades to drop dramatically.
Around age 10, I was interested in various forms of occultism and magic. I’m still interested in that sort of thing, but I don’t know if I believe in it. Around age 11 or 12, I started roleplaying frequently on various forums to supplement my addiction to video games. That basically cemented my life-long love of writing (I was already in love with reading from the start), and I’ve been writing original work, on my own, daily ever since 8th grade.
In high school I ran cross-country and track, to appease the rents, and I made a few good friends there. I was never any good, and I usually purposefully lagged behind during practice so I could walk and just mull things over in my head. It didn’t help that I started smoking, cigarettes and marijuana, that same year.
By the end of my senior year I had all but given up on any sort of academic work. Nevertheless, my school guidance counselor persisted in forcing me on “the right track” and I now find myself going to a commuter college. I live at home, and my dream of someday being the first of my line to leave this town is pretty much forgotten. I meditate daily, I occasionally take walks. I’m devoted to my schoolwork, though; I’m an english major with a minor in creative writing and philosophy, it’s important to me.
Compared to pretty much all of you, my life has been incredibly bland. I’m an anti-social, introvert with no social or romantic life to speak of, I physically have the body of an old man, and I tend to be just as curmudgeonly.
born into a tight family with a few acres of vegetable gardens. we lived with my grandmother in her two-family house because my truly wonderful parents – a librarian and a janitor – worked hard but never made much money. we always had enough, I knew some really poor kids. We raised rabbits, chickens, sheep and pigs, did a lot of fishing. I had a woods behind my house and that’s where I grew up – losing shoes, crashing into trees, shooting squirrels, setting fires.
I went from leading congregations at church in high school to following jambands for a while after studying music and a bit of performance art in college, where my favorite activity was tripping in the woods. studying music in college sucked the joy out of it. playing at my grandfather’s funeral brought it back! now I only play for fun, mostly with my kids.
met my wife in the czech republic, went back to visit then 9/11 happened so I got stuck there and we fell in love. The next year I got her pregnant so she came over and now we have two kids, two cats, two dogs, and lots of berry bushes.
Right now I’m trying to make time to read. I used to love it but with family and job, time for reading for pleasure is hard to find. and thanks to you people my “to read” list is gigantic.
Tomorrow, I’m going to New Orleans with a couple of buddies. Any HEthens about?
I grew up in a middle class christian family who were real strict about a lot of things until I reached 13.( I remember they wouldn’t let me play certain video games because “evil’ content or whatever.) I never understood the point in some of the church teachings,but I have always been an open minded person and I noticed some of the adults seemed very closed minded. The one thing I noticed was a certain happiness that a lot of the people had that went to church, like the atmosphere was full of happiness?( hard to put a word on it, positivity doen’t feel right.)
I was a pretty average kid until middle school, when I started to feel different. All the other guys started talking about girls and I had not interest. I got picked on a lot because I sometimes was a bit goofy (which I now recognize as flamboyance.)It didn’t strike me until high school that I might be gay, but the combination of bad denial and my christian upbringing taught me it was choice. I was depressed a lot throughout times in my high school years, because I am a pretty “masculine gay,” (even though I do not like to use labels) and my denial allowed me to “fit in” and compete in sports like footballl. I started smoking weed and drinking when I was 17. I really wanted to be a pilot but due to my poor vision and lack of financial aid I went to community college to figure out what I wanted to do. In college I started off great, but then I started getting depressed again, well because I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get a girlfriend. Yes, my denial was real bad. I would mentally tell myself that I was shy, I didn’t act like other gay guys or any other thing I could come up with. Finally one day I was hanging out a girls house that I thought I “liked,” we got high and watched That 70s Show. There is an episode where a guy kisses Eric and I got, well, turned on. That moment destroyed all denial because it just clicked in my head that I was gay; I just knew. Till this day I attribute the weed to helping me break past my denial. Unfortunately, I didn’t want to deal with coming out of the closet, until 6 months later when I started suffering from dissocation other psychological issues. From here I came out of the closet to all of my family and friends but because I was in denial for so long. I even hung with a girl for a few months to experience with bi-sexuality, but after suffering some horrible anxiety( for some reason having feelings for a girl when you are gay gives bad anxiety) I decided to listen to my instinct and realize I was only gay. my path to acceptance has been a bitch, but along the way, a lot of great people have helped me at HE including Manimal and Ellie!!
So glad to hear im not the only one whos been around the block.
Makes me feel so much more human to read all of this.
Thanks for everyone sharing their stories!
Lets keep it going. Its pretty interesting to be honest.
Especally seeing how the negitive influences positve in so many of us.
Im truley humbled to have found this site.
Its the ones who have been through the most, that have the most to teach.
@Zach that’s an awesome story. gay wisconsinite hethen here as well! lets chill
hm. where to start…
I pretty much grew up all around the US. My dad was in the military so we moved to a new home every 2 or 3 years. He retired when I was about 11 or 12 and we moved into his parents house in white suburbia. My family has been living in Wisconsin since around 2000. I had a pretty religious (catholic) upbringing. Not a whole lot of preaching from my parents directly but we went to a private catholic school for 2 years, church every sunday and went to sunday school up through confirmation classes when I was 16. I lost my interest in catholicism when I was in about 7th grade and got into wicca/generic spirituality through high school. This was about the time I realized I was gay. in an attempt to not make this a coming out story, i’ll just mention that yes, shit was awkward and a bit depressing/difficult to come out but nothing super dramatic. From the sounds of it I had/have a fairly easy-going life.
High school was high school. I wouldn’t classify myself as an outsider cuz I always had friends, but my friends were all nerds and weird kids haha. About senior year I met the friends who I still have today. (I guess I should mention I’ll be 24 in June). I have a very conservative, very fundamentalist older brother. He also happens to be a huge social guy and everyone likes him. I really despised my brother and I still have issues with him today that I need to work on. He’s pretty much the only person who can make me feel small and insignificant and generally bad about my self.
I guess you’ve figured out by now I grew up in a very rich white conservative town. There literally was like 1 black guy at our school, out of 2400+ students. Feeling like I was robbed of any diversity during these years I wanted to go to a very diverse University…but somehow landed my first year at UW Oshkosh which is basically a big college full of drunk hicks (cool classes though). It was here that I fell in love with Psychology and decided to take that up as my major after I transfered to the state university. UW Madison is awesome and for the first time in my life i felt true happiness – a feeling of unconditional “belonging”. I graduated with a BA in psychology and German.
I never had the chance to travel much, so I took the opportunity to apply for a fulbright grant my senior year. I made it into the program and moved to Germany a few months after graduation in 2010. It was everything I wanted – finally getting to experience Germany FO REAL and I was traveling all over europe, taking weekend trips to most major cities….but I wasn’t happy. How was this possible? I was so privileged, I was doing everything I wanted, there was nothing wrong with my life except for maybe a twinge of missing everyone back home. I started to look for answers. almost exactly a year ago I found HE and have been addicted ever since :)
I started working out and getting into fitness, learning more about psychology with a philisophical twist. I really started to get interested in personal development, cosmicism, meditation and buddhism. I came back to the US in June of 2011, decided I wasn’t quite finished traveling the world and moved to Australia for funsies haha. I looooove Sydney, I really feel like I belong here – i just wish i could import all my friends and family and my life would be complete. I feel like I mastered so much about my life these past 7.5 months of being here but also acknowledge I have so much more to learn/do. For the first time in my life I feel like i have some stable beliefs, as opposed to being totally agnostic and “no one knows so whats the point in thinking about it”.
I’ll be doing a bit of travelling before going back to the US (excited and scared at the same time) in the end of May, where I plan on staying for a year or two but who knows
I’m really beginning to entertain the idea of being a therapist/life coach. I really want to get people to realize their potential and start living life full on, none of this half-ass zombie shit!
That’s a quick summary of my life and where I’m at right now. I love reading these stories so please keep them coming!
I’ve wanted to share this for a while and I’ll try and keep it short and sweet.
I’ve grown up in a caring middle-class family. As a kid I was very religious, overweight, and had severe social anxiety. I made friends with a student from America in Middle School. Thirteen years later we’re still best friends <3. I grew up with computers in my house. I shut myself in due to my fascination with them any my fear of people. I was consistently bullied in school and I had a period where I was shunned and disowned by my family related to my kleptomania. I had suicidal thoughts of a few years. I focused on computers and games as an escape.
In Secondary School(High School) I played an MMORPG called 'Sword Of The New World'. It was my first experience of an online community. That blew my mind. I was very close to some people there. I was blissfully happy for these 2 or so years. One person I was close to was a polish girl called 'Anne'. We left the game, talked on msn, exchanged photos of each other and art. She had fox coloured hair, light blue eyes, she had this fantasy novel that she always worked on and told me about. She disappeared all of a sudden for two or three months. I got an email later saying she didn't want to hurt me over something but we got back together.
She talked about these people I never heard of. This 'Master' person who visited her to help with art sometimes. She started being more withdrawn and had strange episodes. After a while she confessed that this 'Master' was not a separate person. She had different coloured ribbons: a gold one, two red ones, a white one, a purple one and I think there was a light blue one. The red was her favorite. She called it 'Hadhiyosh'. He was emotionally bulletproof and confident. The fantasy story she was writing(called the 'codec') was a play written about her different personalities. It had a lot of subtext and hidden messages(I wish I kept some of it) as she began to translate it into English for me(who didn't leave).
I tried to help her and we somehow had a solid relationship(?). I can't bring myself to say how we ended because I think how I handled it hurt her. She no longer identified with these different personalities but her love for me was lost in one of them. We kept our friendship but the relationship was over. This is when I had a breakdown, which my family definitely noticed. My parents had no idea what I was upset over for the next month that I desperately tried to hide it despite severe arguments with them. I cracked and told them. My dad was somewhat understanding and my mom forced me to leave her and forget about it. I got to say goodbye to her, she told me that she did love me and that she'd see me in hell(somewhat of an in-joke because of her story).
After that I lost all hope. I made up a new life motto that brought me to where I am today: “When you fall off the edge you have two choices: Either that’s it: its the end or you can pull yourself back up.” It was a WWMD (You're brilliant if you get it) moment and I chose to get over my social anxiety and see what has value when nothing matters to you any more.
I opted in for the optional social year of school. I became close friends and fell out with everyone I knew at the time. I went to every party, met new people and my whole outlook on life changed. I regularly told myself that no matter how bad things get, they always get better if you act. I made close, deep friendships. The majority of my large list of friends on social networks talk to me regularly. I was scared absolutely shitless by these interactions but I felt the fear and fought it. I am confident and independent now. I am naturally more introverted so I do need days by myself to learn about computers or life.
If anyone read all of this thank you. I have a problem with talking to people online after that incident so I mostly just read people's posts here and don't always comment. I want to be comfortable talking online again because I love helping people and HE is awesome :)
ATM I'm studying for my final exam, ready to leave Secondary School and do computer science in college. I strive to be open minded, I love people and life!
@shane. i read it all. and i have to go plant potatoes. but i want to say i wish you well. my sons both of them were addicted to WOW for about two years. the oldest one had social problems, it was during the divorce. their dad left me after 30 years which was devastating for the kids. it is hard to come back to the real world i guess for you. really being on HE will be better, try to go out and make some real life friends. , even if they are old people or what ever. try to help people that are lonely or in need.
all of these storys are so intense. we had a discussion before called broken homes. there were so many storys of abuse.
i wish all of you who had such a rough time can find your own strength and personal freedom now.
i will write my own sad tale some time soon…..now potatoes!
@stonedragon thanks a lot for reading and for sharing. I’ve heard about people separating after 9 years which I could only imagine how rough that would be. 30 is altogether different. I wish you and your sons the best. It was hard coming back but I’m knee deep and loving it now. I don’t currently have any online friends but its been long ago enough that I can comfortably post online again. I think being through rough times can give people an unshakeable sense of strength and freedom. Thats definitely clear from reading some of the other posts here.
Regardless of my intense hatred of potatoes (probably from over exposure due to living in Ireland) have fun.