The Freedom of hitting Rock Bottom
The best thing that you can do is hit rock bottom fast. The sooner the better, the harder the fall the better. It’s where you’re headed anyway. It’s where we’re all headed, and the quicker you lose all your illusions the quicker you can acclimatize to reality. The worst thing about liberation, the thing that maybe I didn’t tell you, is that it is fucking hard. When the dust of the initial buzz settles your standing in a war zone. Narratives at war. Stories and ideals and fictions haunt their hosts coaxing them to their grave. You quickly realise that everyone has been chasing their demons and you were only ever a means to an end in getting ever closer.
Expect to lose all respect. What will drive you onwards when your out? What will keep you motivated and moving forward when you realise self interest is getting you nowhere?
Fear. The only emotion that causes anyone to do anything. You won’t be free of fear ever. Anyone who tells you differently is lying.
There is no help coming. You have to do EVERYTHING for yourself, anything you don’t do won’t be done and you’re still going to die, and die alone. There isn’t anyone else to help you. In asking for help you are asking if helping you will fulfill their duty to their self image in some way. If it does they’ll carry out some deed under the banner of "help" designed to enhance only themselves. If not, they’ll destroy any threat to their self image. Brother killing brother over the partition of an island.
When are you going to grow up and stop allowing yourself to be used ? To be completely demented and enslaved by figments of your imagination? Liberation is one thing, but it doesn’t bring any automatic virtue with it. You have to develop courage and honesty on your own and without them, you’ll be forever lost. Without the courage and honesty to look upon the face of reality, all that you can do is retreat into fantasy. To dishonest too look at reality and too cowardly to admit it.
Robert, Bobby, Pyrhho, Dan, John. All of them useless.
The sooner you can forget all this bullshit talk of love, and family and friendship the better. All that is ever won or lost is self. Ever. All love friendship and family ties, it all comes down to that attempt to win a more ideal self.
Life, future, career, aforementioned peers, all of them are a means to this end. All of them are in themselves bullshit concepts. Bullshit to feed a fiction.
Hit rock bottom. Really it’s important. It’s the only time you’ll be capable of being honest with yourself, when you have nothing to lose. No sense of self to lose. You can be honest. The courage, I don’t know about that. I don’t have much. I had barely enough to get this far. And it’s deteriorating by the day. My driving force is fear. I ran out of the courage to go any further a long time ago. But I’m too afraid to turn back. I’m at rock bottom and intend to stay here, rather than bullshit myself. This direct experience of reality is all I have. It’s all there is. The rest is bullshit. There is nothing like this. Nothing like hitting rock bottom and realising how much is absolute crap and how absolutely alone you are. More importantly is clearly seeing just how little is true and what exactly it is.
So what do you do when you hit Rock Bottom, what’s the best way forward from there? Climb back up and rest in the spires of delusion. Nope. Look around at how shit everything is and spend your life wallowing in the shittiness of it all? Nope.
You accept it. Yes you’re alone so what. Yes almost everything you thought was real was a lie, so what. Everything has changed, so what. Accept it. You’re alone and you’re experience of life is yours to explore to live to the max, now completely unburdened by a fictional self. You’ve only just discovered the truth of reality, it’s there to be explored and lived to the max, nothing stopping you now, nothing holding you back, nothing to gain or lose. Nothing has really changed you’re only seeing things as they are for the first time. Have fun and explore it. Nothing matters either, nothing really means anything. So what. Those things aren’t real, great, forget about them, accept it and keeping going, there’s plenty that is real. Your experience is real. Stop clinging to the illusory shit and explore the real stuff. It’s only depressing and shitty if you can’t accept the truth of it. When you do, well, the world is your’s for the taking. Rock bottom, that’s the first step. Hit rock bottom and accept it, explore it. That’s reality. Take your first clear look at reality putting all your notions aside, most importantly the notion of your self.
"I’ve come to know the cold. I think of it as home"
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yeah the thing that sucks about hitting rock bottom is the knowing that you can survive it. and therefore makes everything else pale in comparison. “prison, jail, its whatever. three hots and a cot. more than i had before.” which is almost an invincible feeling but thats a feeling not a promise. there isn’t anything i could say right now to accurately explain my thoughts. its awesome that you have owned the experience. i havne’t.
It’s not a concept, its the realisation that no concept can ever appease the reality that you have nothing.
If your trying to conceptualize the experience of hitting rock bottom to understand it that’s fine But what you will be gaining an understanding of is the concept of hitting rock bottom not the experience. Until you experience what it means to truly realise that nothing, not even your sense of who you are, has any meaning, until you experience that for yourself you can’t claim to understand it, only the concept of it.
And yeah the concept seems insane, but the experiencing is sobering