They might've taught me how to live but isn't it my life to live?
I know I love my parents. But sometime they’re such a pain in the ass. (okay,not sometimes. ALWAYS!) Anything I do,is wrong. :\ Its exasperating!
All they want me to do is study all the time and nothing else! I come home a little late and my parents scream at me saying that I’m the worst thing happened to them and I should just go die :’( Thats not the only thing,though. And the more they scream at me the more I don’t do what they say. They just talk about how horrible I am right there in front of me like I’m invisible.
This has been going on for around three years now. And I’m tired of all of it. I’m considering what they always ask me to do and just go jump into a well or something. I know -HORRIBLE THOUGHT!
I really need help :c
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How old are you? Are you coming home late because your parents are horrible? If you are a teen, they sound verbally abusive; no one should tell their kid that they should just go die. Is there anyone else, an adult you can talk to that you trust?
As for leading your own life–no, if you are still a teen, you can’t unless you become emancipated. I have to say, as a teen, I was not very responsible and I know my parents were to blame for a lot, but I would never want my kids (if I had them) to act the way I did. Are your parents loving and kind when you are not being irresponsible? This is a complicated question and no one here can answer it fully unless they have all the details.
If you are an adult, you should move out maybe if you can afford it or abide by their rules until you can.
It sounds like they’re not happy with eachother, and they’re just taking it out on you. Who knows what their problems are, but it’s THEIR problem and not yours. Unless you’re being a pain in the ass, and try as you might to deny it, you’ll know if you are. Consider their ideals as well, are they religious and you aren’t? Are they homophobic and you’re homosexual? These are things that are beyond your control and reasons for some people to hate others irrationally. It doesn’t have to be any of those examples, again, you will know deep down what it is. Don’t think you’re right and they’re wrong, prove you’re right, a false assumption may be very bad for your long term psyche.
I know how hard it must be to put up with the kind of crap they’re giving you, but being on the outside I can see how it is that they have some kind of shitty thing going on in their lives. If the problem is them and not you, I suggest you turn for guidance to another adult in your life. It can be one of your friends’ parents or another adult figure, but it will be enough to help you. You should start planning to move out as soon as is legally possible as well and thinking about your life without your parents in it very much.
Also, your case isn’t that bad. I know of a woman who as a child was locked in the garage by her mom for 3 days while the mother went to disneyland with the rest of her siblings and left her there with no food or even anything to pee or crap in, and she had to do it on the floor and get her ass whooped because she did it. Another friend’s stepmom put a padlock on their fridge and he couldn’t eat unless she let him. Even my cousin’s son was locked in his room by his crappy white trash mom while she went out at night to score some dick So realize that as long as you’re not being hit, locked in a room, molested or any other bad thing, you really have it easy. Not as easy as many people, but far better than the worst.
Again, try your best to stay off their radar and think about what you want to do with your life and focus on that. The time when you will be free is coming sooner than you think. Don’t make mistakes that you’ll regret later! rebellion will only make it worse for you.
Best of luck and check back here for support, we’ll make your life easier
@asthaa, oh and regarding the topic. They haven’t taught you how to live, they’ve taught you how THEY live. Just because they’re your parents, it doesn’t mean they’re right. It IS your life to live. Just like everything else you will face for the rest of your life, you should look at it through a critical lens, take the good from it and brush the bad aside. If your parents are strongly religious and you think the bible is bullshit, believe yourself. Or vice-versa.
You are the only one that is ever going to live your life, and it’s YOURS to build. You are the one that picks out every cool thing you like from the world and places it as one of the bricks that makes up the house of your mind. Don’t let others tell you which bricks to use in building your life, you choose them, it’s YOUR life. But because you have that ability to build your life, the pendulum swings both ways and you have the same ability to destroy it by making bad choices.
You are to the point where you decide who you will be, I suggest you put in some effort right now to correct your faults because NOW is the time when your brain can overcome getting into bad habits. You may think that as you get older you’ll have time to correct any bad habits you have now, well think again because it isn’t true. Once you hit about 23 you’re pretty much set on the course and it’s very hard to change when you’re older. Do it now, and be the person that you look up to the most, but always with your own flair
Stop focusing on the temporary screaming. Put up with it and look forward to a life you have before you and aim high!
@asthaa, Dont let anybody, ever , ever, EVER, tell you that they can teach you how to live. that is the biggest bullshit anyone can give you. whatever you do, You are right, simply cause you chose to do it! Your life is yours to live, and only you can Live it.
Forget parents giving you bullshit all the time; they dont know any better. at all. Deep inside you know whats important and what’s not, you know who’s shit to take and whose shit not to take, you know which lessons to learn, and which drugs to do.
LISTEN TO YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYBODY ELSE.
It’s true that no one can teach you how to live, especially too stressed people who can’t stop complaining about others. Also, you choose who to listen to and why. And let’s not forget that 90% of the discouragement comes from people, because they fucked up pretty badly in the past. Otherwise they wouldn’t be complaining. They’d know how to teach you to deal with stress and be a good example. If it’s hard for you to cope, just don’t expect from them to motivate you and make you feel good. You must grow above it and show that you’re not dependent so much on them to feel good about yourself. If they need you to help them, they should watch out what they say to you. You’re not a machine.
And if there are people who share that “the world won’t give a crap about you” like they are the only people capable of giving you love – you should not believe it at all. Because it’s obvious that it’s not true. It is emotional abuse and not only it doesn’t help anyone’s situation, but it also just sucks the life out of everyone.
Some folks just need to control others, because they can’t control themselves.
Whatever you do, don’t destroy yourself. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you and stop beating yourself for something that someone else said to you. It may be hard, but no one has that incredible patience to deal with negative bullshit all the time and it reflects on you, you might reflect it on others, and the circle of negative waste of life becomes a habit you should just simply get rid of entirely. And that’s just because someone was irresponsible enough to talk shit and you were supposed to trust them. Keep sharing and expressing yourself. It’s obvious that you’re not the only one experiencing these problems.
@epath, yeah, i’m a teen. And yeah,i do come home late because I don’t want to put up with them. But they scream at me all the time,yes, even when I’m not irresponsible. Like I said they just want me to study all the time. They don’t want me to use the net or my phone or talk to anyone for long.
There is nobody I can talk to. My friends,well I don’t wanna be seen depressed in front of them so I don’t talk to them about any of this., and no elder person would actually listen to me. Cause where I live, parents word is law. :/
@asthaa, You need to MAKE them understand and PROVE that you are right and mature so they treat you as an adult. That is how to become emancipated. I would also suggest getting a part time job. As for the number- google it. I moved out when I was sixteen and I think it was a really good decision, but you need to be mature enough. If you are sure you can handle yourself and that you parents are wrong and not just being hovercopter parents who are trying to make you succeed in their own impractical way.
The problems in the world, all the conflict, boils down to a huge game of control—from a parent trying to control a child, to a police officer trying to control a citizen, to a country trying to control another country. When they “lose control” over whatever it is they’re “supposed” to be controlling, they get very upset bc it means they’re failing at the game. Don’t take it too personally when your parents get upset with you, they just think they’re supposed to be that way. It will make YOUR life easier if you get along with them. So whatever the case, blowing up back at them, being disrespectful, etc, will do nothing but make your situation suck harder. Keep calm, TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL, and be the bigger person….they’ll respect you for it and recognize that you’re mature (even if they don’t tell you that for another 10 years). Someday, I know it seems far off, but someday, you won’t be under their control anymore. This is a game for you too…to see how much you can get away with… it’s all about perspective. Life’s short… don’t wallow in first world problems <3
(BUT–learn from this!! If you ever have kids, remember how you feel right now!)
@asthaa, So google Child Services and tell them all these things and be mature about it, don’t get angry when it seems like they aren’t listening, because you need to realize they come across cases like this all the time. And a fair amount of the time the child may be exaggerating or lying. But if what you say is true and your parents are hitting you you can be emancipated and move out on your own. I am 98% sure there are no laws in the world that prevent people who are sixteen from moving out of their family homes even on their own accord. Getting a job will prove you are mature and that you can handle yourself. And in many countries there are social assistance programs that will help you financially. If you are tired of putting up with it do something about it and keep trying, you don’t get anywhere in life by trying once and giving up.
@aastha sorry, I am not hitting reply, but it doesn’t work when I do it. I think people here have given you a lot of good information. I still say talk to a counselor and also a couple of good and mature friends. It sounds likie–at the very least–you need to vent. I don’t know if child services is the best place to start. Is there ever a time that your parents are calm? You might want to pick a time to talk to them when they and you are all in a relaxed place. Write some things down that you’ve been feeling and why you are acting the way you do. However, if they are alcoholics or more than verbally abusive, go the child services route.
@asthaa, I am 17 and i understand you. I didnt gratuate german and my dad was all crazy. My parrents also care way too much about school. Tell me which soloution you find :) i think the solution i am going with is just telling them the thruth about how i feel.
@asthaa, that’s a bummer, I’m sorry to hear it. Out of curiosity though, what country do you live in? I ask because it seems a lot of people here are giving advice that would work for a place like the U.S. or Canada, but as you said earlier in this thread “Cause where I live, parents word is law. :/”
@asthaa, Ahhh, dude. I’m sorry.
But since you’re only sixteen, my best advice to you is to play the game. I look at the schooling system and think of how awful it is. My main man Einstein even agreed that “education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school” but guess what, dude? You still have to play the game. You have to get what’s done DONE even if you don’t agree with it.
Sucks, I know. I know, I know. But it’s something we all have to go through.
By playing the game with your parents, I mean doooooo everything they tell you. Study ten times more than they ask if you have to. Kiss their butts.
You don’t control your life. This isn’t your life as of now. You’re still your own person but if you want to win the game, again, you have to play the game. And sugar coat it for some perks, if you’re lucky.
I wish you the best though. I know it’s really hard. I remember being sixteen (bahahaha) and that was a hard time for me emotionally, of course. So if I were you, I’d pick up some nice self improvement books or articles and read them. They make you feel good about you and it will probably help with your parents beating up on your ego.
Good luck! :)
@asthaa, Many many things to say.
First you have to identify that underneathe everything your parents want the best for you. But what they are focusing on is what would be pretty good for you, but also great for them, so they focus on you to become incredibly gifted in school. Many of the indian families I’ve met push their kids so hard through education it is uncomfortable to watch.
My advice would be, you have to first realize you are half of your parents, each. Try as best you can to see through all the bullshit they say, and see that really, they are aspiring to get you to a very good school, partly so they can brag about you, but also partly because that is what they believe is best for you.
When you surprised them by not doing what they had dreamed so long (irrationally) that you would become, they become angered, rather than understanding. For most of your life Im sure they imagined you becoming top of your class, finishing as a valedictorian, and so forth. But now, they have to realize that your ambitions and motivations aren’t identical to their imaginary world.
If you understand this, and can empathize with them, even through their terrible parenting words, it will make this easier. As for actually changing the situation, I don’t know you or your parents well enough to say what would help and what wouldn’t. It may be best to write them a well written letter and leave it on the table. Explain yourself fully, and sincerely, without contempt for them. Or if you have the guts ( I know I wouldn’t) you can just sit them down at dinner and really spill your heart out here.
This will be a struggle, but if you accept it as what it is, rather than resisting it, it will make things much easier, and you will grow much stronger as a person.
I hope what I say makes sense and actually helps..