Because of where I live I don’t get my different options, people are either Christian republicans or atheist democrats. The belief of my town in the subject matter is that it’s strictly for the married and until then you don’t look, think, or wonder about sex because we’re either ‘good Christian people’ or too young.
I apologize ahead of time if this maybe a repeat thread, but there are new minds joining this site everyday, and like me, I searched and couldn’t find a topic as vague as I needed it to be.
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@Lexi I barely remember my first, but maybe it’s different for girls.
There’s so much talk about what it’ll be like and so on, and there’s no truth in any of it because it’s in your future which doesn’t really exist. You can’t know what you haven’t experienced. And I think this “remembering your first” is just romantic projection, people looking back on their past through a haze.
What’s so special about the first? By even using the word “first” you’re already implying that it’s just one in a sequence. Why should the first be special?
I think you’re just thinking too much about it.
@dillon Liking and caring isn’t about emotion, it’s all ego. Regretting is not about what you did, it’s about how you think, it’s all ego. And if you don’t have any connection from the start, why even bother with constructing one?
As for the part about rough vs gentle, variation is key. But everyone does like rough sex, no matter how much they deny it. It’s in our very dna. And forget about that conventional “wisdom” because it simply isn’t true.
stonedragon said something cool when she said its a connection between two souls. what is sex? it feels great, possibly the best feeling on earth because all levels of existence are being “stimulated” (pun, partly intended)
that being said there’s two kinds of sex: mating/fucking/screwing which is our animalistic urge to repopulate. everyone’s had it, that animalistic brutal sex.
and the other kind, love making where instincts are still the main stars of the show but rather than being about the fucking its just so intimate and beautiful, and usually only with certain people. i myself have only experienced this during sex 3 times in my entire sexual life. its what i thought sex was when i was a kid, but better.
@Maminal I was just sharing my personal story brother, I understand why many people feel the way they do, but I think it’s important for everyone here to get both sides, even if I am the minority. I’ve just had things work out so that what I’ve learned is what I wrote.
It’s a different kind of interpersonal connection. My ex and I took each others virginity and for a very long time didn’t have sex with anybody else; it was special and it did mean a lot to us, because we made it so.
That said, now that I’ve had a multitude of partners, It’s kinda hard to imagine only having one for the rest of my life; I guess if I found the right girl.
Whether you wait for marriage or not is really just a personal preference but whichever path you decide, stay strapped like Rambo till you’re ready to take care of kids.
edit: most importantly, don’t put sex on a pedestal. It should feel natural and comfortable and you should find it easy to remain present while in the act.
@manimal girls don’t just cum through rough sex lol. most girls like different sex. and i believe the guy is not talking about just sex its self i think he is hinting towards making love. rough sex is not always the best sex. some like it slow and touchy feely soft and romantic. but other girls yes like it rough. i have made more women have an orgasm through slow sensual sex. then rough hard. because in a orgasm for females its not just all about hard. its more of a mind buzz. she has to feel good about herself, like the way you rub her, and seduce her.
but if you are talking about making love with a girl then i feel as if you should wait till you have an emotional connection with that person. thats how i am. i feel that sex is a lot better when you actually like and care for the person. i have had sex with 4 girls with whom i had no emotional connection with, and regretted every one.
I love sex. It’s awesome and far to taboo of a topic in America. (For PC heads). I’m all about embracing sexuality and not being afraid to be open about it. So be open. Don’t ever feel ashamed about it. And don’t worry about it. Just feel it.
You don’t need books or porn to help you figure it out. It’s about as natural as eating and breathing. It just takes the patience of a partner to learn and explore.
@Manimal And, on Lesbian porn, I might be outside of the norm, but I think it’s pretty sexy. And I’m not a lesbian. When it comes down to it, the dick is where it’s at, (hah) but I love watching females.
It’s all good. This threads getting a nice line of views too.
And I don’t know who was posting about it, but porn is so terrible. Maybe it’s the imprint of the society I live in where they scream of it being guilty and sinful and dirty. Don’t look, think, or talk about porn.
Aside from that it leaves this lonely self helplessness to me and I see it as a dead end of pseudo-bliss.
@Lillian hah I couldn’t agree more!
@Lexi When you should have sex depends on a lot..”There are a few guys I know that I have an awesome connection with, but none of them plan to settle down anytime soon. I guess the main thing i’m questioning is whether I should do the whole relationship thing or just have fun and respond to my own natural wants.” you’d need to figure out if you’re just wanting sex or if you’re wanting more from it. Don’t have sex with someone hoping to develop something from it..setting yourself up for disappointment there.
Having a sexual connection is important, makes for a better experience. You don’t have to have a romantic connection for good sex.. as long as things are clear and open and you have the ability to separate the two (sex and romance) it can be great. It’s all about communication and really being comfortable with yourself sexually. A person can’t just guess what you like sexually, so you should communicate about what you like / experiment. Won’t know unless you try :)
As for it being your ‘first time’ I definitely remember mine, I didn’t have a choice in that but before I had wanted to wait blah blah have it be with someone special. I feel like if I did get to experience that it would have been extremely built up and disappointing. I won’t ever know about that but each person is different..only you will really know if it feels right. I personally like to just go with it..planning it out doesn’t seem to be as good as being in the moment. So don’t worry about getting it over with or feeling like you need to be more experienced.
@manimal animals besides humans have sex to reproduce. we have a mind and we all need a system of connections in our life why do you go on this website? because you feel a connection. when you did good in a class and was proud of it.. because you had a connection. that feeling that i’m talking about is the connection and i believe sex should be that. ya sometimes you feel happy that you got laid but you still feel empty inside after. thats why you have sex with a girl again to bring that feeling back.. but it goes away again after that. i do agree with you that girls say they are mad because they got laid and were left after because of social statuses yesterday i was talking to a girl whom said she was sick of guys having sex with her and then leaving her after. today she wants me to have sex with her.. like wtf is wrong with you.. what do you think i’m going to do after.
everyone wants that type of feeling in their life that they connect with others.. haha (i feel like i said connection a billion times)
my personal opnion i just feel like sex should not be thrown around. it should be with a loved one.
Lexi, I remember my first and it was absolutely terrible. It was someone I “loved” and we were both virgins who had sex a total of about 5 times and it was terrible each time. I thought that I just didn’t like sex… I had to have quite a bit of it before discovering the good side of it.
Yes I will always remember my first time, but only because our society makes “losing your virginity” a big deal. It is ALL false conditioning. I say do it if you want to(even if it isn’t someone you potentially want to date) and don’t if you don’t(even if it someone you do). You will only feel guilty about it if you allow the mysterious “they” govern what you do. Think about it, “they” consider virgins prudes but sexually active girls sluts. It’s a trap and it’s all bullshit. Just do what you want. It doesn’t have to be complicated.
@lexi i feel like you should wait untill you like the person. im in college also, and have had sex with multiple people but i never felt like i enjoyed it untill i was in a relationship with someone or cared for them. story time haha :) the first time i had sex all my friends encouraged me to have sex. so i said what they hell.. i was with this girl for like two weeks and we eventually decided to go with it i did my research so i was not bad because i wanted to impress this girl, and she previously had sex. ok anyways so after we had sex she said i did really well for my first time. but i just felt empty and guilty for some odd reason that i still dont know why i was. and i did not want to have sex after that.i thought it was the girl i was dating so eventually we broke up and i had sex after that still the same thing. i hated it i was like seriously i waited all this time for this and it sucked.. later i met a girl i went out with for three months before we had sex. i had emotional connection with her and i enjoyed the hell out of it. the best feeling i have ever had. i felt like our bodies made a connection a type of love our minds connected and it was simply amazing.
take what you want out of this just trying to help u not make the mistake that i made. some people don’t need a connection like i do. and just love the feeling of sex, but i need that connection.
The only way to understand it is to do it. And trust me, doing it is a lot better than watching it. Just like anything else, personal experience will help you understand it much better than listening to others or watching it from afar or somewhere else completely. It’s not bad, it’s why were still here on earth today. Our culture is dumb and closed minded. So they think its bad, just like they think weed kills people every day.
@dillon Those are some wonky assumptions, mate. First of all, humans have sex for reproduction just like animals do. And other animals get pleasure from sex just like humans do. There are many animals that have sex for purely recreational purpose, like dolphins, pigs, rats and chimps.
You have no idea why I visit this site, and it aint the reason you assumed. I never felt proud for doing good in school. Yeah, I feel empty after sex, I always feel empty. There’s nothing bad about it, and nothing can fill that void except I. I don’t have sex to leech off the girls to try to feel whole, that’s disgusting ego sickness. AND it never works. Nothing external can ever fill the void.
Not everyone wants that faux connection, that’s just another one of your crazy assumptions. I’m one of the people who don’t want it, in fact I’m appalled by it. I’d rather throw it around than try to make it something it isn’t. And I don’t even throw it around.
@ danny. I’m sorry your question was extremely vague, and I was trying to help you out because nobody else had contributed. I’m sorry if that was condescending. The thread was about die though!!! AAGGGHH
@ Bryan. I wasn’t saying that you need porn to understand sex. I just didnt know if he had ever seen it before, or had sex, and I didn’t really get his question.
Being afraid of regret is one of the saddest ways to possibly live your life. think about what that entails. First that you are afraid, definitely a negative emotion. Fear is the opposite of love. Second that you are allowing fear, instead of love, to control your actions and hence your life. Also regret is completely controllable. You can choose to not regret things if you want to. Regret never did anything good for anybody. My advice is to get fear and regret out of your life completely, and if there is still any rational reason not to take part in all of the awesomeness that is sex (probably wont be) hold off until your ready.
Well I wouldn’t just have sex with someone I met in line at the grocery store. There are a few guys I know that I have an awesome connection with, but none of them plan to settle down anytime soon. I guess the main thing i’m questioning is whether I should do the whole relationship thing or just have fun and respond to my own natural wants. I feel like this would be less complicated if I already had had sex. I’m putting so much pressure on how the “first” time should go. At this rate, no matter what happens i’ll be disappointed
I agree with Bryan. His explanation is everything I would say. As long as it’s safe, sex is awesome. I agree that you shouldn’t build it up…When I was losing my virginity and first started having sex, it seemed a lot bigger and stress-worthy than it now is. I’m pretty comfortable with it.
Sex is completely natural. We are animals, ya know? It’s pretty cool.
And porn can be good and bad. However, there is so much out there and for someone inexperienced they might not know what is what.