Understanding Sex

3 years, 3 months ago

Because of where I live I don’t get my different options, people are either Christian republicans or atheist democrats. The belief of my town in the subject matter is that it’s strictly for the married and until then you don’t look, think, or wonder about sex because we’re either ‘good Christian people’ or too young.
I apologize ahead of time if this maybe a repeat thread, but there are new minds joining this site everyday, and like me, I searched and couldn’t find a topic as vague as I needed it to be.

November 21, 2011 at 12:25 pm

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Profile photo of Bobby Bobby (@bobbylloydxd) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

What exactly are you asking? do you need sex explained to you? you want to know our thoughts on sex?
I personally love it, I think its one of the best parts of life.
Have a lot of sex in your life, and don’t wait until your married to start. Use a condom also. If you need to learn more about how to have sex there are many books and magazine articles written on the subject. If your not sure exactly how it works, go watch some porn.

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Profile photo of Bryan Hellard Bryan Hellard M (@xyver) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

I took a long time to decide about sex, because I’ve grown up in a pretty Christian home.

Sex before marriage is a good idea, in my opinion. I’ve never understood why people think you should wait. The only thing different between a married couple and another couple is a paper contract and a ring. So getting those means you are now allowed to have sex?

I do think that you should give sex a try, but it is still special, so don’ throw it around frivolously. And be careful! Do your research on birth control and condoms and diseases and such.

@ Bobby: If your not sure exactly how it works, go watch some porn.

I couldn’t disagree more. Porn sex is nothing like real sex. If anything, lesbian porn is a better teacher on how to please a girl, and even that is pretty bad, because it’s porn and not real life. The way guys treat girls in porn is bad IMO.

When you have sex for the first time, don’t build it up in your head as some huge, special, beautiful moment that will be perfect. It probably won’t. It will be awkward and strange, and still fucking amazing. But like anything, it takes practice to get good at. And lucky for you, the practice is fantastic :D

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Profile photo of stonedragon stonedragon (@stonedragon21) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

it is incredibly amazing to join your body and perhaps even melt your soul into the soul and body of another being, if only for a short while.
this is so sacred and is often made to be vulgar.
i dont think people have to be married to do this. they just have to want to join togheter, it is like looking in someones eyes. sometimes that is much stronger and more passionate than a complicated sexual act with lots of expectations.
you just have to feel a kind of flow and let go into it…

the rest is just nature and love and beauty.

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

It’s just sex, and it’s great. Don’t make a big deal of it because it isn’t a big deal.

@Bryan The people in porn have shitty technique (because it’s about showing the details that aren’t visible during real sex) but the “bad treatment” isn’t such a bad thing. Girls cum like crazy when you’re rough with them, when you’re all gentle and girly they usually don’t. And lesbian sex is only sexy to lesbians you know, a straight woman wants a man and the things that men have (like dick and power.)

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Profile photo of stonedragon stonedragon (@stonedragon21) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

but as lots of women know, it aint the meat its the motion!

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

It’s a different kind of interpersonal connection. My ex and I took each others virginity and for a very long time didn’t have sex with anybody else; it was special and it did mean a lot to us, because we made it so.
That said, now that I’ve had a multitude of partners, It’s kinda hard to imagine only having one for the rest of my life; I guess if I found the right girl.
Whether you wait for marriage or not is really just a personal preference but whichever path you decide, stay strapped like Rambo till you’re ready to take care of kids.

edit: most importantly, don’t put sex on a pedestal. It should feel natural and comfortable and you should find it easy to remain present while in the act.

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Profile photo of Lillian Lillian (@rillianruthless) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

I love sex. It’s awesome and far to taboo of a topic in America. (For PC heads). I’m all about embracing sexuality and not being afraid to be open about it. So be open. Don’t ever feel ashamed about it. And don’t worry about it. Just feel it.

You don’t need books or porn to help you figure it out. It’s about as natural as eating and breathing. It just takes the patience of a partner to learn and explore.

@Manimal And, on Lesbian porn, I might be outside of the norm, but I think it’s pretty sexy. And I’m not a lesbian. When it comes down to it, the dick is where it’s at, (hah) but I love watching females.

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@Lillian [It’s about as natural as eating and breathing.]

Was that an intended pun?

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I agree, get your bone on!

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Profile photo of Ellie Ellie M (@tangledupinplaid21) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

You guys are inspiring me to get my bone on this afternoon. Thank you friends.

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Profile photo of Bridget Bridget (@bird212) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

I agree with Bryan. His explanation is everything I would say. As long as it’s safe, sex is awesome. I agree that you shouldn’t build it up…When I was losing my virginity and first started having sex, it seemed a lot bigger and stress-worthy than it now is. I’m pretty comfortable with it.

Sex is completely natural. We are animals, ya know? It’s pretty cool.

And porn can be good and bad. However, there is so much out there and for someone inexperienced they might not know what is what.

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Profile photo of Lexi Lexi (@lexi) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

I’m in college and I have yet to ‘get my bone on’

And i’m ambivalent about the whole ordeal.
I’m not ashamed that I haven’t yet, and i’m not rushing to get rid of it.
I’ve dated, but never had a serious relationship.
Friends tell me I should wait for the right guy.

But I’m sick of waiting, dammit. Sex is completely natural, and I feel like i’m suppressing my own desires. At the same time, I don’t want to make a hasty decision and end up with regrets.

Sorry to project my own story into this thread, but it’s been on my mind for a while.

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Profile photo of  Anonymous (@) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

Lexi. Go have sex. You are simply missing out. It’s not anything to “regret” if you are responsible and mature about it.

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Profile photo of John OMallen John OMallen (@omallen) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

This is what I wanted to understand. My society puts a guilt on sex, a fear of ridicule and shame for something natural. I need to ask your thoughts and stories because I don’t get many others.

Also:
*this is so sacred and is often made to be vulgar.
*It’s just sex, and it’s great. Don’t make a big deal of it because it isn’t a big deal.
*Sex is completely natural, and I feel like i’m suppressing my own desires. At the same time, I don’t want to make a hasty decision and end up with regrets.
Thought those where great.

@bobby- I know what sex is…I’m not five.

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@Lexi There is nothing to regret about it. Don’t let social stupidity make you worry about such things. It’s no big deal, it’s just a natural part of life, with many benefits.

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Profile photo of Lexi Lexi (@lexi) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

But don’t they say (that elusive “they”….who are “they”, anyway?) that you always remember your first? Shouldn’t that be someone I care about who cares about me?

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Profile photo of dillon dillon (@kittell123) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@manimal girls don’t just cum through rough sex lol. most girls like different sex. and i believe the guy is not talking about just sex its self i think he is hinting towards making love. rough sex is not always the best sex. some like it slow and touchy feely soft and romantic. but other girls yes like it rough. i have made more women have an orgasm through slow sensual sex. then rough hard. because in a orgasm for females its not just all about hard. its more of a mind buzz. she has to feel good about herself, like the way you rub her, and seduce her.

but if you are talking about making love with a girl then i feel as if you should wait till you have an emotional connection with that person. thats how i am. i feel that sex is a lot better when you actually like and care for the person. i have had sex with 4 girls with whom i had no emotional connection with, and regretted every one.

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@Lexi I barely remember my first, but maybe it’s different for girls.

There’s so much talk about what it’ll be like and so on, and there’s no truth in any of it because it’s in your future which doesn’t really exist. You can’t know what you haven’t experienced. And I think this “remembering your first” is just romantic projection, people looking back on their past through a haze.

What’s so special about the first? By even using the word “first” you’re already implying that it’s just one in a sequence. Why should the first be special?

I think you’re just thinking too much about it.

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@dillon Liking and caring isn’t about emotion, it’s all ego. Regretting is not about what you did, it’s about how you think, it’s all ego. And if you don’t have any connection from the start, why even bother with constructing one?

As for the part about rough vs gentle, variation is key. But everyone does like rough sex, no matter how much they deny it. It’s in our very dna. And forget about that conventional “wisdom” because it simply isn’t true.

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Profile photo of dillon dillon (@kittell123) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@lexi i feel like you should wait untill you like the person. im in college also, and have had sex with multiple people but i never felt like i enjoyed it untill i was in a relationship with someone or cared for them. story time haha :) the first time i had sex all my friends encouraged me to have sex. so i said what they hell.. i was with this girl for like two weeks and we eventually decided to go with it i did my research so i was not bad because i wanted to impress this girl, and she previously had sex. ok anyways so after we had sex she said i did really well for my first time. but i just felt empty and guilty for some odd reason that i still dont know why i was. and i did not want to have sex after that.i thought it was the girl i was dating so eventually we broke up and i had sex after that still the same thing. i hated it i was like seriously i waited all this time for this and it sucked.. later i met a girl i went out with for three months before we had sex. i had emotional connection with her and i enjoyed the hell out of it. the best feeling i have ever had. i felt like our bodies made a connection a type of love our minds connected and it was simply amazing.

take what you want out of this just trying to help u not make the mistake that i made. some people don’t need a connection like i do. and just love the feeling of sex, but i need that connection.

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Profile photo of Bobby Bobby (@bobbylloydxd) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@ danny. I’m sorry your question was extremely vague, and I was trying to help you out because nobody else had contributed. I’m sorry if that was condescending. The thread was about die though!!! AAGGGHH
@ Bryan. I wasn’t saying that you need porn to understand sex. I just didnt know if he had ever seen it before, or had sex, and I didn’t really get his question.
Being afraid of regret is one of the saddest ways to possibly live your life. think about what that entails. First that you are afraid, definitely a negative emotion. Fear is the opposite of love. Second that you are allowing fear, instead of love, to control your actions and hence your life. Also regret is completely controllable. You can choose to not regret things if you want to. Regret never did anything good for anybody. My advice is to get fear and regret out of your life completely, and if there is still any rational reason not to take part in all of the awesomeness that is sex (probably wont be) hold off until your ready.

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Profile photo of dillon dillon (@kittell123) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@manimal i believe time makes the connection. sometimes when you meet new people.. you dont always have a connection with people at first but time builds that. you find out about that person you find out about how they liked to be touched what makes them laugh what makes them cry what turns them on what turns them off. thats the connection im talking about. i makes up for better sex in the end. i regret to inform you that sex is special and shouldn’t be thrown around…. one little reason because i have to hear about it all the time from girls the next day how they talked about getting layed and left just by that meaning sex shouldnt be thrown around. sex is a connection. ever seen avatar haha? thats the shit im talkin about.

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Profile photo of Sam Frens Sam Frens (@sfrens) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

I’ve had multiple partners and the only one I wish I could have changed was the one I wasn’t in a relationship with. Other than that, the other relationships I was in where I did have sex just ended poorly. I am with someone right now who is extremely important to me, and she is extremely strong on abstaining. And this is something I absolutely love about her. Just because she abstains doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have fun, on the contrary. With her I’ve had some of the best sexual experience I have ever had and we don’t have sex. From what I’ve experience Lex is that if you want a relationship to be long lasting and have more fun than more sex, keep it light and keep sex out of it. Do oral or whatever else you choose, but sex does seem important for you, as it is for me, and there is no need to have sex now. And for everyone on here who condones sexual promiscuity, I understand why. It feels fantastic. But for me, the most important part about sex is the emotional connection, not the physical one. (I know, weird for a guy to say)

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Profile photo of dillon dillon (@kittell123) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@sam i pretty much said the same shit.

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Profile photo of ELI var namnet ELI var namnet (@manimal) 3 years, 3 months ago ago

@dillon Yeah, but there’s no sense in forcing a faux connection. If there’s no connection, you go separate ways. When the connection occurs naturally, that’s when you do the sex/relationship thing. There’s no sense in “creating” a connection with someone you don’t vibe well with. I would never consider a relationship that I I’m not already sexually connected with, that’s just unnatural.

Most of the time when they talk about getting laid and left, that’s just to not seem like a slut. It’s social conditioning. Girls enjoy sex just for sex too, you know. But they’re not allowed by the social norms to fuck and move on, so they put on this little show to their friends after engaging in that act. Girls do ONS just as much as guys do, you know.

Sex is indeed a connection. Bullshit ego thoughts and concepts stifle that connection. There is nothing beautiful about that.

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