When Times Get Tough
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on the surface I would say that attempting suicide when I was 12 was my most painful moment, but in actuality it was the days following it directly that were the most painful, because no one knew that I had and I had to go through my “grieving process” alone, out of fear of being committed to a mental institution. the fact that, every day I had to validate my life and find something to cling to so I wouldn’t try to off myself again, it got to the point that one morning I woke up with no memory of my attempted suicide or the resulting trauma it caused me, and by virtue of one perfectly phrased Oral Communication assignment my 3rd year of high school, where I had to write a eulogy for a dead loved one….I remembered, hey 5 years ago I attempted suicide and repressed the hell out of it.
When I severed the nerve in my wrist on a window and lost all feeling in most of my right palm and fingers. I didnt really cope… it was more like endure. I went pain-crazy, and pain-killer-crazy. I really hate pain-killers now, they make me feel like poop. Anyway I endured the pain of the nerves regrowing and somehow channeled my pain and frustration at not being able to play trumpet (I actually did learn to play with my left hand but it was still really lame) or piano into the determination to heal and recuperate properly. Its like new now, or rather, like old? My wrist and hand died and were born again, how bout that?
I was born crippled with my right knee turned towards my left knee, like I came out of the womb with a crooked leg from the knee down, it caused me a lot of problems in childhood activities growing up, bullied at school for being a “freak”, always picked last, etc. I endured 3 surgeries (one including a bone marrow transplant from my hip bone after the broke my leg to re-place it) the year I turned 8 years old, also spent that summer in a wheelchair. After I endured that horrible recovery period, it was like I was born with a normal leg. I have to thank the Children’s Hospital in Birmingham for that. Played college baseball when I definitely otherwise wouldn’t have given that I never underwent those surgeries.
Thanks, but I’m honestly just fortunate that those Doctors were able to fix me, and that my parents were resilient enough to make sure the job was complete. One of those enduring moments in life, I guess. That just happened to be mine.