I love you.
Whatever happens, whatever you do and whatever you’ve done, I love you.
I know you did not choose to be here. That it is frequently, perhaps most of time, a struggle. That due to a weird mixture of genes and circumstance you often find yourself trapped in your mind, unable to see the light that is really all around you.
But it is all around you. And you are it.
Your mind, your ego fixates on problems. On heavy feelings and thoughts, pouring all of their attention into them, until they can see nothing else.
But you are not these problems or your fixations on them. And in time you will see that most of the problem is just your fixating on it.
Much of your suffering comes from torturing yourself about who you are supposed to be, where you should have reached, how much output you should have produced. Much of your suffering comes from being mired in a past where you committed unconscious human errors.
What you are experiencing is the great upwelling of pain suffocated over a lifetime. The anguished cries rising in your chest, mourning their abandonment in stifled desperation.
This is the pain you have driven down, never able to give it space and time, until now.
All it asks is to be acknowledged, to be given space, to be loved. It wants to know you are not afraid of it. And that it is a welcome guest in your house. It wants to know you will not abandon it again when some other distraction comes along.
There is no shortcut here. To will the end of this phase is only to prolong it. You must befriend your sadness, greet it with a smile each day and with your hand on your heart say: ‘Hello my love. How are you? I”m listening. What do you need?’
This is perhaps nothing more than the work of learning to listen to your Inner Child, which is the buried part of yourself. It is the part of you which holds your joy and desire and innocence, which has been locked in the shadows because you were told over and again to grow up.
You must make space for this child, who is wounded and suspicious. And welcome whatever creature comes, no matter how disfigured, knowing that if it is truly welcomed, it will immediately cease to be the monster that you fear. That whatever is truly welcomed simply becomes whatever is, an indelible part of yourself and the world, no more good or bad than the wind and the sea.
I love you. No matter what happens. I will always be here. If you remember to turn to me, I will always tend to you.
Stay strong. Keep going. There is beauty already in this struggle. This is where the meaning is. And you cannot yet imagine what is on the other side, the riches reaped through ploughing a deeper furrow of being.
Ronan is a writer, musician and coach, committed to seeking truth, beauty and deepening human connection and community. His mission is to help people come alive to realise their deepest gifts.