Jordan Lejuwaan 7 min read

“Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules for Living” Expanded

Self Improvement Brill

“Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules for Living” Expanded

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. Risk is involved in every great opportunity in life. It it isn’t risky, then everyone would be doing, thus making it ordinary and not “great.” Separate yourself from the crowd as one who not only can take risks, but enjoys doing so. Certainty in life can only be so comforting until it gets boring.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. If you lose what you have learned not to do, you will be doomed to repeat it. More importantly, however, do fear failure. Failure is the precursor to success. Hardly any great thing that you wish to accomplish will come without failure. This ties back to the rule of risk mentioned above.

3. Follow the three Rs:

  1. Respect for self – Confidence is key in success and one who does you respect himself does not believe in himself. Thus, if you do not respect yourself, you cannot possibly succeed in anything great, nor can you respect others.
  2. Respect for others – And you will be respected in return. Anyone who does not return that respect is immediately letting you know that they are not worth your time, and that they do not respect themselves. Avoid weak/insecure/self-loathing people.
  3. Responsibility for all your actions – You alone are responsible for your feelings, actions, success, etc. You are in complete control of your life, so do not try and blame other people for your mistakes or misfortunes.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. Not everything that you desire will be necessarily good for you in the long run. If something just seems to not work out continually, in such a way that it seems almost like fate intervened, consider letting it go or coming back to it at another time. The Universe works in mysterious ways and should be trusted. Just be sure you are not mistaking your own failure as the Universe telling you something.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.Rules are meant to be broken. Most of them are put in place by archaic, corrupt institutions that seek only to enslave and maintain their own power. When it comes to breaking them, be sure to do it properly to avoid punishment. But above all things, make sure you DO in fact break rules. If authority was never questioned, we could be a civilization.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.Obviously friendship is more important that one small fight, but very few people actually put this rule into practice. They also need to be able to follow rule #7 in order to truly follow #6.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.And do not let your pride get in the way of taking those steps. Apologize, taking full responsibility. That will speak for your character more strongly than the action of making the mistake in the first place.

8. Spend some time alone every day. No matter what you do, take at least 30 minutes out of your day to spend alone in a quiet place. This will give you at least a half-hour to examine what is going on in your life, to examine yourself and to figure out what you want. Whether it be through prayer, meditation, yoga or golf, this ritual is a must. The Law of Attraction is the best way to spend this time.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. This world is constantly changing. If you are not open to change, then you are going to live a very miserable life. You, yourself, are going to change as well, but that does not mean that your values have to change as well. Welcome new places, new faces and new loves, but never change those core parts of you unless you have strong reasons to believe you were wrong to believe them in the first place.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. Silence leads to relaxed contemplation during which emotions have less influence and logic can take over. For example, in an argument with a friend, remaining silent instead of retaliating with something anger-driven is more efficient in ending the argument faster and with less hurt for both parties. Or consider Gandhi, who took down the British Empire through silent, pacifistic behavior. Silence is a powerful tool that few choose to use over irrational action. Consider it next time you find yourself in a difficult situation.

11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.You are going to have to live with your actions for the rest of your life, so save yourself the regret and anguish and live with honor now. Good things also come to good people. You will never be punished for acting with integrity, only rewarded.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.This is the rule that you have the least amount of control over. Your family dynamic will ultimately determine your home atmosphere, but you can definitely help it along by showing your family that you love them. As in rule #3, if you respect (love) your family, they will provide you with respect and love in return. This rule comes to play again when starting a family. Inject love into your home. Make the walls glisten with endearment. That will set a solid foundation for the lives of your children.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past. The past is constant, unchanging. Bringing it up can only bring more pain to the current situation. This is a problem especially with loved ones because relationships with them go so far back into the past and are so fueled by emotion. Forgive any past actions and focus on the present.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality. One learns so much just from living a lifetime. Share that knowledge with the people you come across, it can only help them in their journeys. Even more important, share your failures so that others will not repeat them.

15. Be gentle with the earth.The earth is where we live. So this should be obvious. Hurting the earth is hurting yourself and the futures of your children and loved ones.

16. As often as possible, go someplace you’ve never been before. Experience new places and new things. You might find yourself with someone or somewhere that makes you much happier than your previous circumstance. The Earth is so vast with unique and beautiful places, why wouldn’t you want to go explore them?

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. The opposite is a sign that the relationship should end. If you need someone more than you love them, it is a sign of dependency, not affection. Find someone where love is the dominant force and you will find yourself in a much more fulfilling relationship.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. Success is not truly success if you had to compromise yourself or your loved ones in order to achieve it. Decide what you want. Design your ideal life and go for it. Do not let any part of that dream slip away in order to get the rest of you will live in regret.

19. Live in the moment. This could be the single most important piece of advice you ever heed. Do not forget nor dwell on the past, but do forgive it. Be aware of the future but do no fear or worry about it. Focus on the present moment, and that moment alone. All of the cliche phrases center around this all-important mantra: Live life to the fullest, seize the day, etc. Living in any other moment will only bring you anguish. The past cannot be changed and the future cannot be controlled. The only time that is malleable is the present moment! If you live in the now, you will be much happier since the past and future cannot weigh down on you. See the good in your current surroundings and be happy.

20. Seek the company of positive people. The people around you cannot control your feeling and actions, but they can influence them. So befriend and spend your time with optimistic, open-minded, overall positive people who will only contribute more positivity to your life. When you have risky an unrealistic goals, they will support you instead of doubting and/or ridiculing you like most of the general population. When you find fun in an otherwise dreary or dull situation, they will see it too instead of complaining like negative, or even neutral people would. At a superficial level, your social life will be a lot more enjoyable if you restrict your relationships to positive people. On a deep level, your life in general will only benefit from such a decision.

21. Decide what you want before proceed to do anything. This is a hard rule to follow because it is so difficult to figure out what you truly want. Most people think this is a simple rule: “I want a lot of money, a job I like, nice car, nice house, hot spouse, etc.” The ‘American Dream’ provides an easy answer to what you want, but is that truly what you want? That answer requires a lot more thinking. More than just thinking actually, deep deep contemplation in a quiet place on your own. This is not something you will get on your first try, or your 15th. It might just come to you in a dream one night, or an epiphany while sitting on the toilet. It’s not at all certain when it will come, but if you are persistent and really try to figure out your dream, it will come to you. Once you have figured out what you want, the only thing left is to do whatever possible to get it. This brings up rule #1 again… RISK! Disregard it, and go for it. This is your DREAM, your IDEAL, your ULTIMATE DESIRE. Go get it.

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